I am a control freak.
Most of the time I want to know where, when, why, and how something is going to happen.
I am the kind of person that gets anxiety from waiting for surprises and gets very annoyed when I can’t figure out what’s coming next.
Let me tell you that pregnancy took the “control freak” in me and humbled it.
There was nothing that I could do from the moment that I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic, but very much afraid that I would have no control over the process.
I would have to spend 9 months not knowing what my surprise looked like. I would have to wait to hold my baby in my arms. I would have to go to sleep not knowing if everything was going to be okay, and wake up to anxiety attacks because I wasn’t sure if I could support my child, and if I was fit to be a good mother.
All that waiting, anxiety, and not knowing, and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it.
Life is like that too. You build a business or try to follow your dreams and you have no idea what the outcome is going to be. You have to spend months – sometimes years waiting for your dreams to grow, but just like having a child, you have to trust in the unseen.
You just have to hope for the best, keep yourself in good health, allow yourself to grow, and face the challenges that come along with trying to nurture something into the world. I had no control over my baby’s development. I didn’t know how many fingers and toes he would be born with. I didn’t know if I was going to have all the stuff that I needed to make him comfortable when he was born.
But because it was my heart’s desire to bring a child into this world, everything that I needed showed up.
I realized that I didn’t have to be so afraid, and that I didn’t have control over the process anyway. All I could do was relax into what had the potential to be a great experience if I let it.
I have to tell you that I let it be the experience that I believed in, and it was wonderful.
I now get to see my gift (my son) everyday. Everyday there is something new that I love about him. I allowed myself to receive what I really desired – regardless of not knowing exactly what the outcome was going to be.
If there is one thing that I want you take away from this post, it’s that life is unpredictable sometimes. You cannot control every aspect of it, and it’s exhausting to try. All you can do is expect the best, trust in the people that are around you to do what they came to do, trust in your ability to nurture yourself into the flow of receiving, and then watch the experience manifest into something beautiful.
Thanks for reading!
Here are some photos of my son.