Connect With Your Core

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Get to it, to the core, to the heart of you.

What’s there, longing to be brought forth?

Step into the silence that surrounds you in these moments, the bliss of these words, the purity of a heart at peace. Step into it.

Why are you so afraid to reside here?

Do you not feel worthy enough to let go of the past?

To give yourself another chance?

To love yourself again?

Whenever you are unsure, go to your core, and feel at peace with where you are and with who you are.

Allow yourself to meet the moment.

Indulge in it. 

It’s being offered to you right now.

What stops you from frequenting this place of peace?

From finding relief from the thoughts that plague you?

Perhaps you don’t know that underneath it all – you are alright.

Now you know.

Underneath all the drama – you are alright.

You are your true self.

You are whole.

The distractions are a veil, but underneath that veil is the real you at peace, in love, on fire, in tune, open, receptive, and worthy of being seen.

Discover that part of your being.

It is with you forever.

{Some thoughts from the new book I’m writing: Soul Guidance – Finding Your Way Home}

Thanks for reading!

Renee B

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist 

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What Pregnancy Taught Me About Letting Go

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I am a control freak.

Most of the time I want to know where, when, why, and how something is going to happen.

I am the kind of person that gets anxiety from waiting for surprises and gets very annoyed when I can’t figure out what’s coming next.

Let me tell you that pregnancy took the “control freak” in me and humbled it.

There was nothing that I could do from the moment that I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic, but very much afraid that I would have no control over the process.

I would have to spend 9 months not knowing what my surprise looked like. I would have to wait to hold my baby in my arms. I would have to go to sleep not knowing if everything was going to be okay, and wake up to anxiety attacks because I wasn’t sure if I could support my child, and if I was fit to be a good mother.

All that waiting, anxiety, and not knowing, and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it.

Life is like that too. You build a business or try to follow your dreams and you have no idea what the outcome is going to be. You have to spend months – sometimes years waiting for your dreams to grow, but just like having a child, you have to trust in the unseen.

You just have to hope for the best, keep yourself in good health, allow yourself to grow, and face the challenges that come along with trying to nurture something into the world. I had no control over my baby’s development. I didn’t know how many fingers and toes he would be born with. I didn’t know if I was going to have all the stuff that I needed to make him comfortable when he was born.

But because it was my heart’s desire to bring a child into this world, everything that I needed showed up.

I realized that I didn’t have to be so afraid, and that I didn’t have control over the process anyway. All I could do was relax into what had the potential to be a great experience if I let it.

I have to tell you that I let it be the experience that I believed in, and it was wonderful.

I now get to see my gift (my son) everyday. Everyday there is something new that I love about him. I allowed myself to receive what I really desired – regardless of not knowing exactly what the outcome was going to be.

If there is one thing that I want you take away from this post, it’s that life is unpredictable sometimes. You cannot control every aspect of it, and it’s exhausting to try. All you can do is expect the best, trust in the people that are around you to do what they came to do, trust in your ability to nurture yourself into the flow of receiving, and then watch the experience manifest into something beautiful.

Thanks for reading!

Here are some photos of my son.

heart Nay

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Listen To Your Heart’s Whispers

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All is well within you – in the place where your soul resides. Find that place within. Where all of your choices are alright. Where all of your passions are permissible. Where your secrets are safe and your voice is heard.

That place within you whispers – it’s okay to say no.

It’s okay to not feel like it.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay to acknowledge that you’ve been hurt, unheard, and unseen – it’s okay.

It’s okay to feel scared sometimes and equally okay to feel joy.

Your soul is not judging you. It’s not in the business of making you feel bad or feel regrets. Your feelings are just that – feelings. Nothing more. Your feelings are no more the entire make up of you than a droplet of water is the ocean.

Your soul whispers – listen to your heart. It knows when you’re tired. It knows when you’ve had enough. It knows when it’s time for a change.

Your heart takes an interest in your deepest longings. It knows when you’ve stayed too long and when you haven’t stayed long enough.

That space within you breathes the whole of you at all times and it wants you to feel what calm, reassured trust in your entire beingness feels like.

From the book I am writing (Soul Guidance – Finding Your Way Home)

Thanks for reading!

heart Nay

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Freedom Friday: Becoming Who I Am

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Shedding All That Is Not Real

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A year and four months ago I decided to do something that was down right crazy. I decided to shave off all of my hair.

Now that might not mean anything to you, but for me – it meant everything.

Inside, I always had a burning desire to do it, but there were so many reasons why I felt that I couldn’t. This experience was very personal to me, so I am going to be open and honest about the reasons why I felt I couldn’t do it.

The first thing is that most “women” define themselves by how womanly they look. Long hair, their shapely bodies, glowing skin – you know – all of the things that make women feel attractive and beautiful. I was going through an internal conflict. How could I feel like a woman without one of the major traits that makes a woman feel beautiful?

I felt like without my hair – I would be less womanly and unattractive.

I am also an African American woman, and growing our hair (for some of us) is as rough as finding our way through life. So when I actually grew a nice head of hair, the thought of chopping it off sometimes was like getting rid of something that I had put alot of hard work into. It was very difficult through the years to grow my hair because it had been damaged by perms, heat, neglect, and stress.

But something within me kept calling me to expose that part of myself- the part of me that had no hair. I had no idea why the call got louder and louder – it just did.

Finally, one day I woke up and my hair had started forming dreadlocks. I was neglecting my hair and it was showing me the results of that neglect. By the way, I hate dreadlocks on females. Just my opinion – don’t kill me.  I decided that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. So I took the scissors and made the first cut. Just like that, cut right into it. There was no regret, no tears, and no kicking and screaming on the floor. Just snipped it right off. The next morning I went to the barber shop and got it cut properly.

When I went home and looked in the mirror I was shocked. I could not believe what I saw. There I stood almost bare bald, and I still looked beautiful. As a matter of fact, I felt more beautiful than when I had hair. The experience was totally liberating. Not only didn’t I have to deal with my hair anymore, I could actually see my face.

I think our souls call us to the edge sometimes. They call us to shed the things that are not true about ourselves. The thoughts that I wouldn’t be beautiful, womanly, or attractive without my hair were not only false they were also things that blocked me from seeing my true beauty. Once you recognize the truth and get rid of the lies you have been telling yourself, your real beauty can show. The truth was – I was not my hair, and I was holding onto false impression of who I would be without it. Real beauty called me, and it was a call that I couldn’t “not” answer.

For this “Freedom Friday” post. I am going to list all of the things that I feed myself that are negative. We speak to ourselves so negatively sometimes. We tell ourselves lies. Those lies corrupt the person who we came here to be. In order to grow into yourself, you have to let go of the ideas that are not true about yourself. Your real self is here to express. How can your real self express itself through you, if you are holding ideas about yourself that are not true?

So here goes. Here’s my list of lies that I’ve told myself throughout the years. Here is where I can express it, and then cut the cord from these things for good.

It helps to go through the process. Just like cutting my hair helped me see the truth.

So here are the lies.

I am not good enough, I’ll never amount to anything, I’m not smart enough, my parents never taught me that, I’m not good with money, I don’t deserve another chance, I messed up beyond repair, I am inadequate, I don’t have the knowledge, I can’t do that, I’m ugly, I’m not attractive, I’m nothing, I’m worthless, I don’t deserve God’s love.

I’ve messed up so much in life, I made a big mistake quitting my job, I’m stupid, I don’t deserve to receive blessings, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe I’m not worthy, black women have such a hard time making it, I don’t have any examples to follow, I have no support, no one is helping me, I can’t do this alone, I can’t find my way, I don’t deserve the good life, royalty and riches are only for a certain kind, I am being punished for my past mistakes, I can’t make it without my grandparents, I’ll never get my house, I’ll never make it.

I’m cursed, I’m doomed, there’s a black cloud over my head, something is influencing my life, something is trapping me, someone else has power over me, I can never be my own boss, I am not attractive enough, I am not beautiful enough, my teeth are not straight enough, I don’t have it,  I don’t have what it takes, I’m not fit to be a mother, I don’t know what I’m doing… and the list goes on and on, but it feels so good to free up some space!

The cord is cut…

Without a regret at all…

I leave this stuff behind…

There is better for me, once I see that all the stuff I have been feeding myself is a lie.

Thanks for reading!

Are you ready to shed the lies you have been telling yourself? If so, don’t forget to click the “leave a comment” button at the top of the post, and share your story. If you prefer to share the post on your own blog please be sure to add the words Freedom Friday to your post & link back to this post.

finished-heartNay

Freedom Friday: Am I Alive?

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Feeling Seen & Being Heard

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A macbook pro is on my lap, tons of papers scattered about, son to my right – laying damn there underneath my thigh. I hear the twist of the doorknob; it’s my husband. He smiles at me, kicks his shoes off, and drops his book bag where he stands. He doesn’t even realize that I just cleaned the house, and probably doesn’t care.

He forces his legs between the table and the couch so that he can make space to dive into my face with a kiss. I start a conversation about a great article that I read early that day. One that inspires me even. He knows that I have been down, and am fighting my way back to some kind of stability.

He reaches down to pick up the chubby-cheeked miracle that is laying next to me. I look up in his direction trying to make eye contact. He is swirling around with his bundle of joy in his arms. Of course, it’s the right thing to do, but the connection is lost between him and I, but vibrant and alive between he and our child.

My shoulders sink and I can feel my heart break. “Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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I’m in my home office with my face in my hands for the 100th time. Tears are pouring out from my eyes in buckets. I am blabbering words that no sane human-being could understand, but praying that God can somehow make out what I am saying.

“I didn’t mean to quit my job. I am so sorry. I wanted something better. I couldn’t be there anymore. It was draining me. Please God forgive me. Please give me my financial freedom back. Please get me out of this mountain of debt. I am trying everything I can to make it. I don’t want to be like the rest of my family. Broke. Poor. Begging for spare change. Barely able to get myself the basic needs.”

I am able to catch a breath for a half a second and then I continue.

“Please God, I don’t want to depend on my husband anymore. I want my own money. I’m glad he’s here, but I need to feel independent. I’ve poured my heart and soul into my books and tons of people are reading them, but no one is buying them. I tried everything that I had the strength to try. Please God. Please. Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I question as I wipe the snot from my nose with my sleeve.

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I’m flipping through the pages of a catalogue and my eyes come across a beautiful set of candles. I smile. Why? Because I love candles. They lift my spirits.

I run my hand over the glossy page of the catalogue as if my gentle caress will somehow generate a wormhole for the candles to appear. I’m ignited for a second when I notice what catalogue I’m reading. “Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It’s not that far away; maybe 15 minutes at most. I can make it there,” I think to myself with optimism.

My eyes drift to the right. There’s a stack of mail sitting there. There’s a letter addressed to me with big bold letters that reads CREDIT SOLUTIONS INC. I know that it’s another bill, from the same people who wrote me last week, demanding all the money I owe them.

The letter lovingly (sarcasm) reminds me of the fact that I don’t have the money in my account to purchase the candles anyway. I close the Bed, Bath, and Beyond booklet disgusted with myself and the world in general. “Can I just admire something without feeling guilty. I just want some damn candles. It’s not too much to ask. Am I Alive? Do My Desires Matter? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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It’s a week or two after my birthday. My sister shows up to my house with one of my favorite people (my niece). We all sit down in the living room and chat for a few. After a while she says, “I have a birthday gift for you.”

I’m shocked, because I really didn’t expect to receive anything from her. I sit back with anticipation as she reaches in her black oversized pocketbook and pulls out a $25 Children’s Place gift card.

“It’s not about you anymore,” she says with a laugh. “It’s all about the baby when you have kids,” she finishes. My shoulders slump and my heart breaks. “I didn’t know that having children meant I wouldn’t exist anymore. Does she see me? Does she care? Am I alive?” I think to myself. 

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Freedom Friday’s are all about releasing the things that hurt us the most. It’s about freeing up space to allow the new things to enter your life. It’s about being completely honest about the things that are hurting you to the core, making you doubt yourself, and causing you to lose hope. On Freedom Friday’s we have the space to let it out. To say it. To release it, and remove it from our bodies and minds.

Here today, I confess that I have been having a rough few years. Despite it all, I still put on my hat and go to work. I don’t mean a physical work place. I mean doing what I can to improve myself, continuing to write, continuing to try to see the good in things, and continuing to put myself out there no matter what. Something in me will not let my dreams die. The voice inside is much different than my own critical voice. It’s compassionate, patient, accepting, and comes up with ways to try and help me move past this rough patch. Writing is one of the ways that I am able to let it out.

I don’t know what the details of my future are, but I do know how I want to feel.

If I just have that little piece, I have a step.

Going forward I would like to feel,

Abundant, Appreciated, Considered, Important, Blessed, Forgiven, Seen, Supported, Inspired, Comforted, Helped, Acknowledged, Aligned, Fruitful, Relieved, Financially Stable, & Gifted.

I let out a long deep breath and allow my heart to send a message out to All That Is.

I can’t do this alone.

finished-heartNay

Freedom Friday: The Year I Ruined Christmas

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Christmas Time

I don’t know why this incident has been on my mind lately, but nevertheless, I feel the need to acknowledge my feelings towards it, make amends with it, and let it go. That is what Freedom Friday posts are all about. This story happened when I was about 15 or 16 years old and it’s when my grandparents were living.

It was Christmas time and I remember telling my grandparents that all I wanted for Christmas was a cordless phone. I was a teenager and of course I wanted to be cool and fit in – which I am sure many of you can relate to.

Anyway, I remember attempting to go to bed about 11 pm on Christmas Eve and before I went to bed I went to check underneath the Christmas tree to see how many gifts I had received and what sizes they were.

When I went to check under the tree there was 1 gift. It was a small box and to me, it did not look like the cordless phone that I had spent two months prior telling my grandparents that I wanted. All I can say is – I Was Not Happy.

So I tried to go to bed but this irritating feeling was inside of me. My mind chatter was constant and I wasn’t able to go to sleep right away. I was thinking to myself, “this is crazy, they knew what I wanted, why didn’t they get me what I asked for, why would they get me a stupid gift instead of what I really wanted” – and on and on the negative chatter went.

I found myself getting up several times during the middle of the night to look at the box again. I even shook the box to see if I heard anything in it. The contents in the box didn’t make a sound – which made me even more frustrated.

I went back into my bedroom and then a little devil appeared on my shoulder and told me to go and open the gift. Now everything in my body told me not to do it. I stopped myself several times from walking into the living room by turning myself around and going back into my bedroom. I mean I almost literally was being pulled in the opposite direction. My conscious SCREAMED to me – donnnnnn’t do it!

Before I knew it I was in the living room, right next to the tree, tearing off mini pieces of the wrapping paper to try and get a sneak peak at what was inside the box. Once 10% of the paper was torn off, I figured I might as well just rip the bandaid (the other 90% of the wrapping paper) off.

I opened the present and would you believe that it was my cordless phone. The very gift that I said that I wanted. I smiled so hard that my face hurt. Once I got through the initial excitement I was then possessed to plug up the phone to charge it. Because you know that I had to be able to use it immediately.

So the gift’s open, the cordless phone is stretched across the living room floor, and my grandparents are waking up to see what the noise is in the living room.

My grandfather was the first one out of the room, and when he saw that I opened my gift he was so furious. He was devastated. He went on to say some things like, “he wanted to see me open it, and why would I do that, and why couldn’t I wait” or something of that nature.

My heart sank.

I was just an excited, eager, impatient kid, and I ruined Christmas for my grandparents. I still carry that with me to this day. I think about it all the time; especially when it gets close to Christmas time. I don’t know why I carry something so small and childish around, but I do. I guess it’s the look on his face that said – you disappoint me and ruined this Christmas, that makes it hurt the most. 

There was no way for me to take it back. I wish I hadn’t opened the gift. That day was one of my biggest regrets. I had what I wanted, but I had broken my grandfather’s heart. 

I want to say here and now that I am sorry grandpa for being so impatient, and for not waiting. I am sorry that you didn’t get to see the joy on my face when I opened my present. I want to thank You and Granny for getting me what I asked for even though you guys didn’t have a lot to give. I want to thank you for thinking of me and for considering what I really wanted. It meant the world to me. It really did. I only hope that I can put a smile on my child’s face as wide as the one that you gave to me that year.

I am ready to let that go with a heartfelt apology and an even more heartfelt thank you.

I love you!

finished-heartNay