What To Do If You Haven’t Found Your Passion

If you are anything like me, a lot of things interest you.

You feel like your mind is running in a million different directions, and your passion may not be as clearly defined as some of the other people that you are comparing yourself to.

You may have a seemingly non-related list of passions that you can’t seem to marry.

For example you may like soap making, decoding dreams, gardening, collecting rocks, and sculpting.

Your list of things you love may excite you, but you can’t figure out how to fit them all into to this structure based society.

Not being able to pin down your passion and put it into a category may leave you feeling ashamed, irresponsible, and disappointed in yourself.

If you’ve been feeling anything close to that, this post is for you.

I came across some information today that I knew I had to share.

In the video below, Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the Eat Pray Love phenomenon, gives some profound advice on following your passion.

So if you feel like you’ve gotten it wrong or like you are a step behind because you haven’t clearly discovered your passion – the video below is for you.

Enjoy!

Be sure to stop back and let me know what you think.

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide

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It’s Not Okay To Create

thoughts and creation

It’s not okay to create…

At least, it seems that way sometimes.

When I am washing the dishes, my son plays quietly in his playpen. When I am folding and washing tons of clothes, all is well. The universe conspires to give me the space and freedom to cook, clean, and tend to the house – no questions asked, but the minute I go to sit down and write, paint, or dig into the pieces of one of my juicy dreams, everything goes wrong.

My child clings to me for dear life, the phone rings, dings, and buzzes, the door bell rings, stuff falls in the kitchen, etc – you get the point.

So what is it?

Why is it, that the moment we go to focus our time and attention on our art, something goes wrong or distracts us?

Is it not okay to be creative?

Is it not okay to spend your time wondering what next piece of art you are going to bring to life?

Is the universe conspiring against the idea of filling our lives with pleasurable experiences?

The answer is no, but there is someone conspiring against your creativity, and that someone is YOU.

Your thoughts and beliefs are what’s conspiring against you.

You see, we all have ideas about what we can do and what we can’t do – what is allowed and what’s not allowed – what’s appropriate and what’s not appropriate.

We also carry around this huge sense of responsibility, so when we go to steal a few minutes to lose ourselves in our art or indulge in our passion, the warning bell inside goes off and screams “defiance”.

So what do you do?

It’s damn there impossible to abandon your craft. It will bang on the doors of your heart and mind until you let it in…

So do you sell your children, take your savings, and catch the first flight out of here to a private island?

Nope… don’t go that far. 

But what you can do is – create anyway!

Leave the dishes aside, place your child in a loved one’s care, turn off your phone, and create!

I know that it’s difficult, but when you choose to create anyway, you are letting your inner world know that creativity is an essential part of your being, and that its existence in your world is not up for discussion.

By constantly reminding yourself of this and easing up on yourself when you allow yourself these creative breaks, you start to see the world around you work with you to help you get more time to yourself.

But you have to ease up on yourself first. You have to stop feeling so guilty for leaving some things aside to honor your passion and your soul.

It’s an essential part of being happy and enjoying your life. 

Just think about it – you start to feel miserable when you deny yourself the time and space to do what you love – don’t you?

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist

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Artist Confession – I’m Afraid I Won’t Do It Justice

humble

I’m afraid I won’t do it justice.

What am I referring to?

My creative core.

How do I take something so big, so beautiful, so powerful, so rich, and do it justice? I am afraid I won’t capture it sometimes.

I can feel the heartbeat of my creative core, and it brings me to tears just to sit in its presence sometimes. So how do I take all of those roots, those ancestors that came before me, that brilliance, and express that. Pen and paper can’t capture it all.

I sometimes feel inadequate to it – I must admit.

But, I am learning that it has chosen me to express in any level or capacity that I can, and when I am more comfortable allowing the largeness of that energy to flow more freely, it will be right there with me.

So to all the artists out there, just flow, just be, just create, and little by little open up to the vastness that is your creative being.

It’s not rushing you.

It’s not pressuring you.

It just wants to be with you.

It wants to mingle, to mix, to create with you in any way that it can, and it’s more than willing to wait until you believe in yourself and your ability enough to really own what you have.

Thanks for reading!

If you like this post don’t forget to hit like, share, comment, and subscribe.

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist 

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Recipe For Authenticity

recipe

I use to go nuts whenever I use to hear the message “be authentic”.

It use to drive me crazy because “in my mind”, I was being authentic.

So I didn’t know why the universe was going out of its way to keep delivering this message to me. To me, I was following my dreams, I was doing all the right things, so why did the “be authentic” message keep coming up?

The message kept coming up because I wasn’t relating to or understanding it in a way that resonated with me. So just remember that – if you keep seeing a message, it is trying to show you something important, but in a way that is meaningful to you.

While decoding one of my dreams, I found out exactly what my soul was conveying by saying “be authentic”, and I created a little recipe that you might enjoy.

Recipe For Authenticity

Living authentically means to honor your calling, your dreams, and yourself.

First (1st), you have to believe that anything you desire is possible for your life.

A dream (something your heart longs for) occurs to you because it’s something that the inner you can see “fulfilled” in your life. If it’s a thought, that means it’s a possibility. If you have a dream, it’s because the inner part of you knows that your particular skills, drive, and nature can see it into manifestation. Trust this!

Second (2nd), you have to transform any deep fears and negative beliefs that are contradictory to what you desire.

For example, if you want a connection to the divine, but secretly believe that God is punishing you for some wrongdoing – those are contradictory beliefs and they keep you from the connection that you desire.

Do the work to clean up your beliefs about it. Find easier thoughts about it, and try viewing things from a different perspective. Do anything you can, to clear up any contradictory thoughts that keep you from your heart’s desire.

Third (3rd), get rid of anything in your life that does not support your highest good.

If there are negative people or situations in your life that keep you from living your calling or following your dreams – kindly move on from them. Not out of animosity, but out of respect for your life.

Fourth (4th), always speak your truth.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and declare your space here and that’s fine. It’s never wrong for you to stand up for what you believe in. As a matter of fact, it’s a part of who you are. You don’t have to go on and on about it or argue until the day is over about it, but it is important for you to let others know the truth of who you are – if it is ever called in for questioning. Don’t be afraid to express that you are good, worthy, and relevant.

So those are the 4 ingredients.

#1 Believe In What You Desire + #2 Transform Your Deepest Fears and Negative Beliefs + #3 Get Rid Of Anything That Does Not Support Your Highest Good + #4 Always Speak Your Truth = Authenticity (honoring yourself, your dreams, and your calling).

PrintPrint The Recipe For Authenticity

It’s that simple.

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist

Discussion Question: What is your definition of authenticity? Be sure to add your answer to the comments section.

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Internal Bullying

Internal Bullying

What Is Internal Bullying?

It’s a process that goes on inside of you, that stifles your creativity, your movement, and your progression to the new and better life that awaits you.

Some Of You Are Fully Aware Of Its Presence.

Think about it – that moment that you go to do something new, and the little voice inside tells you that you better not do it. The voice that has you doubting your ability to perform because of some past failure. The voice that can’t see anything good in you at all, and that wants you to know that you f*cked up in a major way, and you better not even think about forgiving yourself for what you did. It’s the voice inside that spends its days making your life a living hell just because.

It’s so funny because there could be a part of you that has grown and and that wants you to see your situation in a different light. You may even be ready to heal and move on from the incident, but there is something else inside that just will not let you forget what happened. It’s not even that it’s just a nuisance – it goes around and spreads its virus through each area of your life.

As a result, you end up questioning your gut instincts, denying yourself the freedom to choose new things, and you also end up questioning your integrity and your entire path in life.

In your heart you know you are meant to be free. In your heart you know that things are meant to work out for you, but there is this internal bully that stops you at the gates. It doesn’t want you to pass. It wants you to remain helpless, hopeless, and feeling like nothing.

Why?

Because somewhere in your life, you made a mistake that you thought was unforgivable, unfixable, and unresolvable. So this energy took that opinion that you concluded about yourself and made it into your worst nightmare.

It doesn’t show up full forced and ready for war. No, it wouldn’t want you to see its craziness and catch on to what it’s doing to you. Instead, it shows up as a negative thought here and there. It moves into your space stealthily, and sabotages your thoughts of success.

Think about the times when you are thinking about following your heart. Following your heart should be a no brainer. It should be something that is automatic and unquestionable, but how often do you question if the decision to follow your gut, your inner promptings, and your intuition was correct?

That’s Internal Bullying.

If you have to question if you can be free to honor your life’s calling, follow your bliss, and put your best foot out into the world – you have some serious internal bullying going on – make no mistake about it.

Your heart knows what that heartless energy is doing to you, but you sometimes have to step outside of yourself to recognize it. That’s why there are so many teachers, aids, angels, and guides out there pointing you in the right direction. They are around because sometimes we can’t see what the problem is. We are constantly asking for the solution,  but we don’t recognize what the problem is.

When We Seek Outside Help, We Are Asking For One Thing and One Thing Only – Validation.

We want to know that we are worthy, relevant, heard, and that the choices we are making for our life are the right ones. If we dig a little deeper we will discover that what we are really looking for is a sense of resolve within ourselves. Sometimes that sense of resolve comes from your mother saying, “okay sweetie give it one more try”. Sometimes that sense of resolve comes from your pastor saying, “it’s okay, repent, and go on about your life”. Sometimes that sense of resolve comes from your child looking into your eyes and offering you a smile that says, “Mom I love you, no matter what road you decide to take”.

The way to stop internal bullying is to make the decision to trust your instincts, follow your own path, and trust that in following your heart, the rest will work itself out. You can also find peace within yourself about your decisions. You don’t have to be bullied off your path. You want more? You go for it, and don’t give up until you see it into fruition.

Your Path Is To Trust Your Intuition & To Follow Your Heart.

It’s gonna wear different clothes sometimes, and lead you to different places, but the ultimate feeling that chasing your dreams is trying to get you to embody is the feeling that you belong here and that you deserve joy and fulfillment. There are endless paths to the feeling of joy, so choice one that feels right to you, and see where it takes you.

Thank you for reading!

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Quick Note: One lucky winner will be the recipient of the Steep Your Soul Spa Gift Basket on March 4th. Be sure to enter to win.

A Date With The Devil – Cultivating New Ways To Deal With Self-Criticism

Self Criticism

A Date With The Devil… What an interesting concept.

Now before you start pulling out your crosses on me, understand that I am not in any way talking about conjuring evil spirits.

This is a different kind of exercise, and the term devil is being used to describe that negative, demeaning, intolerable, sadistic voice on the inside that shuts down anything positive that tries to emerge from within.

The term “devil” is the perfect word used to describe such a thing.

Think about how many times that voice has reared its ugly head – stopping you from moving forward, freezing you in your tracks, buckling your knees anytime you try to make a move. That voice is debilitating, and it hasn’t made its way into your life overnight. That voice has been around for a very long time. Especially if it’s effecting any area of your life.

Every time you tell yourself that you can’t do something, you’re not qualified, you’re not smart enough, you don’t have enough money, or that you are stupid for considering such a thing, all of those trains of thought group together and the effect of that kind of talk is a monstrous beingness that can’t wait to add its input to your life.

I have an exercise for you.

The purpose of this exercise is to see just how bad this devil has gotten.

Pick a subject that you are disappointed with yourself about. It could be financially related, relationship related, or something personal about yourself.

Sit in a quiet room and on a sheet of regular paper, write down the title of the subject that you are going to write about.

Ex. Ruining My Relationship With My Ex-Boyfriend

Make sure the subject is something that has been on your mind recently and something that carries alot of weight in your life – meaning something that really bothers you.

After you add the title, call forth the voice inside that has something negative to say about this subject. Believe me, it won’t take long for the thoughts to start flowing.

Write down everything that you hear. Try not to judge or defend yourself during this process. Try to just write. Writing will allow you to see just how out of control this monster has gotten. Write until you feel you have had enough.

You may feel overwhelming emotions such as anger, sadness, or resentment, but just keep writing until you are at your wits end.

When you are done, read the message back to yourself.

Take an assessment of how you feel during the entire process.

You will feel powerful emotion surrounding this exercise. This whole process is so that you can bring forth the voices that are hindering your progress in that area. We don’t even realize that these voices eat away at us on a daily basis, and then we wonder why it’s so difficult to progress. Look at all the animosity, hatred, and self-criticism we are holding onto.

After you have settled down and taken an assessment on how you feel, sit with your true beingness for a minute. You should notice right away that, that kind of self talk IS NOT HELPFUL. You will feel the negativity down to your bones. That is a good thing. You will recognize that the negative voice inside is absolutely bonkers, and has wayyyyy too much to say.

Then you have to realize that to “this particular persona” you can do no right. This particular persona only sees all the things that you have done wrong. It’s not taking into account your true intentions, your feelings, the heart you have, or anything like that. This persona only sees negative. It has taken into account only your failures and then bases its opinion off of those facts.

It doesn’t have an accurate picture and it’s not taking the “whole you” into consideration.

Realize that you cannot argue with such a fool, but you can lessen its influence in your experience, and once you have made yourself aware of what you are doing, it will be much easier to notice when that negative persona is creeping up on you. The awareness is all you need in order to start moving in a different direction.

After all of that drama, I want you to write again.

This time, you’re going to write yourself an apology letter. You’re going to apologize for the way that you’ve been treating yourself and for the things that you have been telling yourself. You’re going to let yourself know that you didn’t mean to create such a monster, and that you let a negative comment here and there slip through the cracks – it wasn’t your intention to create a devil inside.

Then I want you to remember one thing, and this one thing will stop you dead in your tracks if this voice presents itself again.

You would never talk to a close friend or loved one the way that you talk to yourself sometimes. So give yourself that same respect. {Renee “Soul Writer” Brooks}


When I had my date with my devil, the word that kept coming up in my letter was worthless. I now think back to what would have happened if I listened to that voice, if I stopped writing, if I stopped believing in myself. I would not have been able to develop this inner well of writing and healing resources to share with you all. 

This persona can be very difficult to deal with. It took years to create it, and it will take some time to lessen its influence, but the consequences of not doing it will be a bunch of broken dreams, pain that you can’t figure out where it’s coming from, and a sense of worthlessness inside that cannot be lived with.

It’s worth it to examine some of these thoughts and to put them in their place.

Not by force, but by recognizing what’s happening, and cultivating new ways to see yourself.

Thank you so much for reading!

P.S. If you need help releasing negativity or know someone who does, visit the Soul Guidance Consultations page for a private consultation.

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Healing Your Creativity

Healing

We all have the right to create.

Too often however, our dreams are shattered by things that we aren’t even conscious of.

So today, we are going to take a look at some of the things that may have damaged your creativity, what may have made you put your paintbrush down, cancel that course you were going to take, stop writing, or hang up your guitar.

After we take a look at what may have caused the block in your creativity, we can then start to move in the direction of healing the wounds left behind from it.

The art of healing anything is to get outside of your regular thoughts, to open up to the solutions and ideas that are right in front of you, and to allow a new perspective to sink in.

The art of healing involves trusting your intuition, following your inner promptings, and listening to your heart. If you are someone who has hit a road block in your creative endeavor, your heart is speaking to you right now to tell you, “it can be healed”.

I want you to go back in your mind and try to figure out what made you quit.

Sometimes the influence to give up comes from outside sources – the parents who told us to get real jobs, the friends that thought we were crazy for pursuing our dreams, the dirty looks from those who hold positions of power, and that think “art” is for children – not for adults.

Oh yes… those beautiful influences that are around us! Sarcasm

Those people who may have discouraged you from revealing your creative self are not the disease. They are only a symptom.

Go a little deeper, and try to figure out what made you welcome and accept their authority about “who you are”, rather than your own inner authority.

Why do you feel they know better than you do? Why did you accept their judgment? Why did you believe it when they told you to hang it up? Those are the bigger questions.

Perhaps the problem doesn’t stem from outside at all.

Perhaps the problem comes from inside, and those villains are just the projections of your hidden thoughts.

Think about how many times you may have questioned your authority to write (if you are a writer). How often do you hold yourself back – afraid that you will fail at your artistry? How often do you stifle your words, your flowing art, or your music because you fear you will “sound stupid” or people “won’t get” what you are trying to say? Do you realize now, why these outer roadblocks may be showing up?

It’s not enough to be good at something. You can know that you have what it takes, but listening to that inner voice that has you comparing yourself to others and questioning your authority and place within the world as an artist, is damaging to your creativity.

We are all unique in our individual expression.

If an art form grabs hold of you, it has obviously chosen you as the perfect medium for some of its greatest expressions. {Renee “Soul Writer” Brooks}

You must take your creative power back -back from the recesses of your mind that feed you lies like “you aren’t good enough” or “you don’t have the right to do such a thing”. Back from the predators that are looking to have you do in life what pleases them (your parents, jealous friends, or relentless family members).  Back from the hoarder inside that feeds you lies like “people will steal or take advantage of what I have” or “I don’t have enough”.

These are all lies that have some HOW crept into your psyche.

The healing comes from you realizing that these things are not true. You do have the right to express. Your viewpoint is unique. Your inner resources are not dwindling – they just need to be reawakened – stirred up in a sense.

There are people out there that do connect with your work. Every follower that you have, at some point and time, read and connected with a piece that you wrote. Every fan, listened to and connected with, a piece of your music. Why do we pay attention to that one joker in the bunch that has something to say that’s negative, instead of focusing on why you do what you do, and the people that resonate with what you do?

I have another clue as to what may have caused you to quit.

The fear of exposure. Your art is your heart.

How naked and vulnerable we feel sometimes when our hearts are on display.

When people can see the real you without any hiding.

We tend to give our love (our hearts and our art) to those that we feel care about us the most. It’s a sensitive thing to then try and express your artistry to the public. The public is – well you know – public. It’s an open room where people can actually tell you that they hate your stuff or that they disagree, and the thought of having your life’s work (your baby) in a sense bashed is very upsetting.

The only thing we can do however, is be true to ourselves. That’s it. It’s you and your artistry – that’s it. It’s you expressing your view on the world – that’s it. Who cares if other people don’t resonate with what you put out. I know, I know, it does matter, but we have to grow thicker skin as artists. You have the right to express because you are alive, breathing, and interested in your artistry – that’s it. You don’t need any other justification.

Soul Guidance for Healing Your Creativity

As some of you may have noticed, I have finally introduced my spirit guides known as RAY to the world. We together have come up with the “Soul Guidance Consultations” as a path to help you connect with your true beingness.

For those of you who are not aware of the new Soul Guidance Consultations, you can take a look at the “Work With Me” page.

The spirit guides known as RAY would also like to offer some words of encouragement on healing your creativity.

We are most appreciative to be able to speak with you for just a few moments about your creativity. You are all unique, fascinating, one-of-a-kind beings who are here to make sense of the world around you. You are translating the energy of the world. You are all translators and your unique perspective is relevant. Your healing will come once you recognize that you are all full, mighty beings, who are here to translate this energy into new sources of freedom and greater expression. Once you realize that, you will be unstoppable. Blessings be to you dear one. {RAY}

I have been working with RAY for the past 5 years. It took a few teachers along my path, my inner being, and positive thoughts to help me finally decide to share this resource with the world. I too, thought I wasn’t good enough to enter this writing world and to do spiritual work because of some of my past perceived failures and insecurities. It has been a wonderful journey however, and by sticking with it I have seen my writing transform right in front of my eyes. I have felt messages from RAY come through clearer than they ever have before. I have broken through the blocks that told me “I am not good enough”, because it’s just not accurate.

Once I realized that and changed my thoughts, the well of resources opened and began to flow. These posts are a symbol of my well of resources flowing. It’s time for you to open and allow yours to flow as well.

If you are interested in healing this area of your life, take a look at the “Soul Guidance Consultations” page. There are 3 different levels of service that I provide for any of you who are seeking guidance.

Thank you so much for reading!

Happy Healing!

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Your Inner Child a.k.a. Your Creative Self

Inner Child

Dreams Are An Excellent Gateway To Understanding The Self

Last night I had a dream that had to do with my creative life, what fuels it, how I felt about it, and how to make it run a bit smoother. The dream inspired this post.

Some people do not realize that they have a creative part of themselves. It’s the part that wants to play, express, explore, and find fulfillment at all times. In your dreams, the creative part of yourself is usually shown as a small child. It could be your own child, a niece or nephew, or an unknown child. It’s not necessarily who the child is that’s important, it’s your feelings about that child and what positive qualities they bring out of you that you are looking for.

What Does Your Inner Child (Your Creative Self) Want?

Your inner child wants to play. It wants to dance, sing, explore, and sink its teeth into anything that it finds interesting.

Have you watched a small child play? If something peaks the child’s interest he or she doesn’t hesitate – they go – right for it – no questions asked. They don’t ask permission, they don’t think about it, they don’t hesitate, they just move in the direction of what is calling them. That is what our creative self is like.

Think of a time when you got a brilliant idea. I know that you felt good inside. I know that it lit up all the lights and warmed your soul. But too often, we get those flashes of insight from the heart and we thwart our plans to enjoy them with doubt, fear, and resistance, and then wonder why our creative life or business is not flourishing in the way that we would like it to.

Where Does Your Inner Child Come From?

I want you to take a minute and look at a very clear sign of where your inner child comes from. When a child comes into this world we call it a “bundle of joy”, your “heart and soul”, and your “pride and joy”. These are all clear indicators that your inner child (your creative self) comes from the heart. It comes from a place within that knows the things that will fulfill you. It comes from the place inside that knows what you do well. It comes from the place inside that knows which way is best for it to express itself.

The term pride and joy is fairly simple to understand. Pride being the feelings of feeling good, confident, in your own and proud of yourself, and your joy being the feelings of happiness, contentment, and fulfillment. That is what your inner child seeks at all times.

It’s quite the rascal and that little bugger won’t keep quiet.

Have you seen a child that finally finds his or her faaaaaavorite thing? You and an army of 1000 people could not get that “favorite thing” away from that child if you tried. It’s the same way with us when we find our passion. No matter how many times you tell it, “shut up I’m busy”, “go away”, “I can’t have you”, or “you’re against the rules” – it will keep coming back over and over and over again.

A child that has found its favorite thing will sleep with it, have lunch and dinner with it, bathe with it, go for walks with it, take it to school, and every other place that he or she goes.

That essentially, is what your heart is asking you to do when you have found your passion, but too often we feel like “responsible adults” that can’t “do what we love”.

If only we realized that doing what you love is the key to life – we would live much happier and fulfilling lives. All the other stuff is just a distraction.

Your Job As A Parent To Your Inner Child (Your Creative Self)

Have you ever seen a child do something that they are inspired to do and get yelled at by a parent? What happens? They freeze, they can’t move, and they are afraid to make moves towards things they desire from that point forward. They are taught by that anger that it’s not okay to move in the direction of something that they want. That will “get me in trouble”. This is what happens when we deny our true creative selves from surfacing – especially when it’s done from a stand point of anger, judgment, or scolding. We freeze anytime we get ready to create. We fear that we are going to make a mistake. We fear that we are not doing the right thing. All kinds of negative things run through our minds and this kills our creative self.

Your job as the parent of your creative self is to let the child breathe. You have seen the smile on a child’s face when he or she has found what they are looking for. It warms your heart. When you let the children run, play, and mess stuff up a bit, it slowly peels away the frustration, depression, and the “I’m not getting it right” syndrome. Your job is to let your inner child play. To give yourself permission to explore without judgment or condemnation.

You also need to realize that you are equipped for the job of handling this young energy. Just like you would never let anything harmful happen to your real children or the children you care about – you can think of handling your creative life the same way. If you are drawn to something – it is because your heart wants you to explore it. It knows the potential for you to feel joy and fulfillment which essentially, is what life is all about. You are not going to do anything to endanger yourself. The goal is to trust yourself and be free.

What You’ll Get In Return

Fulfillment. You won’t wake up everyday hating to go to work – because you will have found what you love to do. You won’t dread coming up with new ideas – because they will come to you naturally. You won’t fear the future – because you’ll know that no matter where your particular skill leads you, you’ll have everything that you need inside. You will have taught yourself how to hone in on your creative gifts, to let them run free, to encourage them from a place of love, and you’ll know that it’s what helps you breathe and is your reason for living.

What My Dream Taught Me Personally

I learned that when it comes to my creative freedom I am scared. I am scared to make a mistake, scared to get it wrong, scared to even try, out of fear of failure. But you cannot fail. The point of expressing yourself creatively is for the joy that it brings you, for you to connect with your natural flow, and for you then to see the results of “all of that” play out in a way that is most favorable to you. It’s the play of life, and we feel empty without it.

In my dream, my significant other, my 5 month old son (inner child), and I were on a motorcycle (my symbol for creative freedom and independence) looking for a gas station (a way to fuel my creativity). I wanted my partner to slow down some because he was making some daring moves when making the turn arounds on the highway. it’s not that I didn’t want to be on the ride and it’s not that I didn’t want my child with me. I just wanted him to slow down – which means savor the moments, take a little bit of time, don’t feel rushed or panicked, don’t feel like it’s something you have to do. All of these things that I have learned are the little nuggets of silver that I would like to share with you.

I say nuggets of silver because they are more my style than nuggets of gold. I think of silver as the color of intuition, my true self, and insight.

I Have Found My Direction

I love to explore, be nosy, find out things, and get answers to things. It’s the very thing that I use to do when I was younger that was NOT encouraged in my household, but I still loved to do it. I loved to pry through people’s things, find secrets, and uncover things. Now that I am an adult, I know that I am well within my rights to do this digging and probing, but sometimes my childhood conditioning doesn’t allow me to do so – so freely. I am taking this moment to declare this my new path. I will continue to explore self-discovery through decoding my dreams, and I will also continue to share the glimmers of silver that I find, with you all.

Thank you for reading!

P.S. If you want more information on understanding the meaning of your dreams, head on over to my Soul Guidance Dreams website and check it out.

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Day 5: Living From The Heart

Day 5

Starting It Off

Living from the heart means being honest. Honest about your feelings, your experiences, and what you are going through. When I started this challenge I in no way shape or form thought that I was going to be 100% positive all of the time. It’s just not possible. Instead, I know that I am going to make mistakes, fall back into old patterns, and probably throw a couple of things out of frustration.

The whole point of this process is not to be perfect. It’s to learn to channel my emotions into a direction that is better for me and those around me. If I can learn to get some kind of grip on my emotions – then and only then – will I be able to express genuinely and in way that people connect with.

With That Said

I want to share something with you. I shed a few tears as I was writing this letter to Hannah Brencher – creator of moreloveletters.com. I got to the point today where I was just tired of being unseen and unheard. I wrote a letter being brutally honest about what I am going through. I am sure Hannah has a bunch of letters to look through, and I am not even sure that she will get mine, but I had to do something to reach out for some help.

Here is the letter that I wrote to Hannah. It is the letter in its entirety. I don’t like spelling mistakes so I did correct a couple of the things that I spelled wrong in the letter, but the rest of the letter is exactly what I wrote to her. I am sharing this with you because it’s the truth.

I welcome your comments and feedback.

I am just at a point in my life where I am trying to reinvent and break new ground while battling some very strong demons that are holding me back. So here it is.

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Letter To Hannah

Dear Hannah,

I know you must be inundated with requests from people all over the world who want to hear some words from your loving heart. I am one of those people. I can only hope that somehow through the bundle of emails you receive, my heart connects with yours and you find time enough to send a reply. No matter how short or how long – I appreciate it. 

I don’t know where to begin. I guess I will start by saying my life feels like a mess for no one particular reason at all. The heaviest things on my heart right now are the inability to find my place in this world and  feeling like a failure. 

Almost 3 years ago I quit my job. It was a secure position with great benefits and I was working my way up the ladder to really make a difference in that financial institution. There, they always considered me a team leader, even though I often shied away from the role. One day after being told again at my job that I was too quiet, something hit me – why couldn’t I just be me. The one behind the scenes that gave the members the kind of dedication and service they deserved. The one whose value didn’t show in the selling of products, but in the customers who called back and said, “I’ve never been treated so properly in all of my life.” 

Instead my sales numbers were too low. I was constantly scolded for it and for not taking the position as a team leader. I wasn’t selling enough and the way I chose to involve myself with the group wasn’t good enough either. Everyone use to come to me for help, like I was the manager, but because I wasn’t loud, boisterous, and outspoken like some of my other colleagues, my other skills went unnoticed. I winded up being late often and my performance started slipping because I was miserable. So I quit. Not to spite them, but so that I would no longer be a burden to that company with my foul mood and insecurities. 

I must say that decision was one of the worst and the best decisions I ever made in my life. The worst because I lost my financial freedom. The best because I actually had time to focus on my writing. I love to write. I love to express. No matter how raw, dirty, or enormously loving it may be. There is something about forming words into a story that just has my heart.

The weight of my bills piling up is too heavy to bear. I am a rather morally responsible individual and it’s killing me not to be able to fulfill the promise that I made to the people who loaned me credit and expect me to keep that promise. 

When I try to go back into the job market I feel like it tears me apart. I tasted the freedom and now I feel like I can’t go back. But I feel like some part of me can’t move forward in my fullest expression until I mend something. The part that feels like I betrayed my co-workers, my family, my tradition, and my obligations. The truth is, no matter how hard I try I just don’t fit into the corporate life. I would love to make a living writing, but I can’t seem to connect with people in the way that I really would like to. I try, I pour my heart out, and try to remain genuine. But there is a demon that keeps whispering to me… you’ll never make it, this isn’t God’s calling for you, you’ll never win, your not living genuinely. I am stuck in the deepest darkest part of my soul. Stretching and reaching out for help, and the help is no where to be found. 

I’ve felt God before, but for some reason since I quit my job I feel like God left me a little bit. I know that’s not true, but I feel locked out of God’s heart. Even though I try so hard to find my way back home. 

I am not sure what you can say, but I know the feeling you get when you don’t know what to say at first, but then the right words just come to you. I am not asking you to fix my life. I am just reaching out for that connection that I know is there regardless of what my demons are whispering to me. I know it just takes a different perspective and your whole life can change. I’m just asking for your perspective. 

Love Renee

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That was as honest as it gets.

Everyone goes through things. I just think that we need some help along the way. I am not perfect and I make mistakes, but I am trying to fix them to make my life better.

I welcome your feedback.

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