Truth Be Told Tuesday

Truth Be Told Tuesday

I have to come clean.

I love a good cry.

Crying helps me release so many pent up feelings.

Sometimes when I cry, I don’t even know the root cause of the tears.

I know where the tears began. I can pinpoint the subject that they are about, but I can’t figure out where the thoughts rise from.

Sometimes the thoughts are so quick and so irrational that I can’t make sense of them. Sometimes the thoughts arise because I feel lonely, sad, or heartbroken, but I can never quite pinpoint where the feelings of sadness or loneliness originated from.

When you are feeling hopeless or helpless emotionally, it’s good to let it out (for me at least).

My tears say the things that I am afraid to say sometimes – I’m scared, I feel alone, I feel unworthy, or I feel unloved.

When we are taught to be strong and toughen up, we hold so much inside. But tears aren’t quiet. Tears let the world know that we don’t have to be tough. Tears let the world know that we are human and that we do feel. Tears let the world know that we give a shit about something. Tears let the world know that there is passion inside that hasn’t found the right outlet.

So I love to have a good cry. As a matter of fact I had one today. Actually I had a couple of good cries today.

I will leave you with a good quote about tears.

Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive. {Author Unknown}

Thank you for reading!

Do you have anything that you would like to confess for Truth Be Told Tuesday? If so, go to the top of the post and click “leave a comment” to share your story. If you prefer to post your response on your own blog, just add the words “Truth Be Told Tuesday” somewhere in your post and link back to this article.

I look forward to hearing your response.

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Freedom Friday: Becoming Who I Am

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Shedding All That Is Not Real

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A year and four months ago I decided to do something that was down right crazy. I decided to shave off all of my hair.

Now that might not mean anything to you, but for me – it meant everything.

Inside, I always had a burning desire to do it, but there were so many reasons why I felt that I couldn’t. This experience was very personal to me, so I am going to be open and honest about the reasons why I felt I couldn’t do it.

The first thing is that most “women” define themselves by how womanly they look. Long hair, their shapely bodies, glowing skin – you know – all of the things that make women feel attractive and beautiful. I was going through an internal conflict. How could I feel like a woman without one of the major traits that makes a woman feel beautiful?

I felt like without my hair – I would be less womanly and unattractive.

I am also an African American woman, and growing our hair (for some of us) is as rough as finding our way through life. So when I actually grew a nice head of hair, the thought of chopping it off sometimes was like getting rid of something that I had put alot of hard work into. It was very difficult through the years to grow my hair because it had been damaged by perms, heat, neglect, and stress.

But something within me kept calling me to expose that part of myself- the part of me that had no hair. I had no idea why the call got louder and louder – it just did.

Finally, one day I woke up and my hair had started forming dreadlocks. I was neglecting my hair and it was showing me the results of that neglect. By the way, I hate dreadlocks on females. Just my opinion – don’t kill me.  I decided that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. So I took the scissors and made the first cut. Just like that, cut right into it. There was no regret, no tears, and no kicking and screaming on the floor. Just snipped it right off. The next morning I went to the barber shop and got it cut properly.

When I went home and looked in the mirror I was shocked. I could not believe what I saw. There I stood almost bare bald, and I still looked beautiful. As a matter of fact, I felt more beautiful than when I had hair. The experience was totally liberating. Not only didn’t I have to deal with my hair anymore, I could actually see my face.

I think our souls call us to the edge sometimes. They call us to shed the things that are not true about ourselves. The thoughts that I wouldn’t be beautiful, womanly, or attractive without my hair were not only false they were also things that blocked me from seeing my true beauty. Once you recognize the truth and get rid of the lies you have been telling yourself, your real beauty can show. The truth was – I was not my hair, and I was holding onto false impression of who I would be without it. Real beauty called me, and it was a call that I couldn’t “not” answer.

For this “Freedom Friday” post. I am going to list all of the things that I feed myself that are negative. We speak to ourselves so negatively sometimes. We tell ourselves lies. Those lies corrupt the person who we came here to be. In order to grow into yourself, you have to let go of the ideas that are not true about yourself. Your real self is here to express. How can your real self express itself through you, if you are holding ideas about yourself that are not true?

So here goes. Here’s my list of lies that I’ve told myself throughout the years. Here is where I can express it, and then cut the cord from these things for good.

It helps to go through the process. Just like cutting my hair helped me see the truth.

So here are the lies.

I am not good enough, I’ll never amount to anything, I’m not smart enough, my parents never taught me that, I’m not good with money, I don’t deserve another chance, I messed up beyond repair, I am inadequate, I don’t have the knowledge, I can’t do that, I’m ugly, I’m not attractive, I’m nothing, I’m worthless, I don’t deserve God’s love.

I’ve messed up so much in life, I made a big mistake quitting my job, I’m stupid, I don’t deserve to receive blessings, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe I’m not worthy, black women have such a hard time making it, I don’t have any examples to follow, I have no support, no one is helping me, I can’t do this alone, I can’t find my way, I don’t deserve the good life, royalty and riches are only for a certain kind, I am being punished for my past mistakes, I can’t make it without my grandparents, I’ll never get my house, I’ll never make it.

I’m cursed, I’m doomed, there’s a black cloud over my head, something is influencing my life, something is trapping me, someone else has power over me, I can never be my own boss, I am not attractive enough, I am not beautiful enough, my teeth are not straight enough, I don’t have it,  I don’t have what it takes, I’m not fit to be a mother, I don’t know what I’m doing… and the list goes on and on, but it feels so good to free up some space!

The cord is cut…

Without a regret at all…

I leave this stuff behind…

There is better for me, once I see that all the stuff I have been feeding myself is a lie.

Thanks for reading!

Are you ready to shed the lies you have been telling yourself? If so, don’t forget to click the “leave a comment” button at the top of the post, and share your story. If you prefer to share the post on your own blog please be sure to add the words Freedom Friday to your post & link back to this post.

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Soul Whispers

Soul Whispers

Soul whispers is a term I use when my heart and soul whispers something to me. It can be a poem, a story, a blurb, or anything that inspires. I would like to share with you – the soul whisper that I received today.

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If you like this post please share, comment, and subscribe. Thank you!

Photo in the background of the quote is from Carolyn Cochrane’s Etsy shop.

Freedom Friday: Am I Alive?

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Feeling Seen & Being Heard

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A macbook pro is on my lap, tons of papers scattered about, son to my right – laying damn there underneath my thigh. I hear the twist of the doorknob; it’s my husband. He smiles at me, kicks his shoes off, and drops his book bag where he stands. He doesn’t even realize that I just cleaned the house, and probably doesn’t care.

He forces his legs between the table and the couch so that he can make space to dive into my face with a kiss. I start a conversation about a great article that I read early that day. One that inspires me even. He knows that I have been down, and am fighting my way back to some kind of stability.

He reaches down to pick up the chubby-cheeked miracle that is laying next to me. I look up in his direction trying to make eye contact. He is swirling around with his bundle of joy in his arms. Of course, it’s the right thing to do, but the connection is lost between him and I, but vibrant and alive between he and our child.

My shoulders sink and I can feel my heart break. “Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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I’m in my home office with my face in my hands for the 100th time. Tears are pouring out from my eyes in buckets. I am blabbering words that no sane human-being could understand, but praying that God can somehow make out what I am saying.

“I didn’t mean to quit my job. I am so sorry. I wanted something better. I couldn’t be there anymore. It was draining me. Please God forgive me. Please give me my financial freedom back. Please get me out of this mountain of debt. I am trying everything I can to make it. I don’t want to be like the rest of my family. Broke. Poor. Begging for spare change. Barely able to get myself the basic needs.”

I am able to catch a breath for a half a second and then I continue.

“Please God, I don’t want to depend on my husband anymore. I want my own money. I’m glad he’s here, but I need to feel independent. I’ve poured my heart and soul into my books and tons of people are reading them, but no one is buying them. I tried everything that I had the strength to try. Please God. Please. Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I question as I wipe the snot from my nose with my sleeve.

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I’m flipping through the pages of a catalogue and my eyes come across a beautiful set of candles. I smile. Why? Because I love candles. They lift my spirits.

I run my hand over the glossy page of the catalogue as if my gentle caress will somehow generate a wormhole for the candles to appear. I’m ignited for a second when I notice what catalogue I’m reading. “Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It’s not that far away; maybe 15 minutes at most. I can make it there,” I think to myself with optimism.

My eyes drift to the right. There’s a stack of mail sitting there. There’s a letter addressed to me with big bold letters that reads CREDIT SOLUTIONS INC. I know that it’s another bill, from the same people who wrote me last week, demanding all the money I owe them.

The letter lovingly (sarcasm) reminds me of the fact that I don’t have the money in my account to purchase the candles anyway. I close the Bed, Bath, and Beyond booklet disgusted with myself and the world in general. “Can I just admire something without feeling guilty. I just want some damn candles. It’s not too much to ask. Am I Alive? Do My Desires Matter? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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It’s a week or two after my birthday. My sister shows up to my house with one of my favorite people (my niece). We all sit down in the living room and chat for a few. After a while she says, “I have a birthday gift for you.”

I’m shocked, because I really didn’t expect to receive anything from her. I sit back with anticipation as she reaches in her black oversized pocketbook and pulls out a $25 Children’s Place gift card.

“It’s not about you anymore,” she says with a laugh. “It’s all about the baby when you have kids,” she finishes. My shoulders slump and my heart breaks. “I didn’t know that having children meant I wouldn’t exist anymore. Does she see me? Does she care? Am I alive?” I think to myself. 

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Freedom Friday’s are all about releasing the things that hurt us the most. It’s about freeing up space to allow the new things to enter your life. It’s about being completely honest about the things that are hurting you to the core, making you doubt yourself, and causing you to lose hope. On Freedom Friday’s we have the space to let it out. To say it. To release it, and remove it from our bodies and minds.

Here today, I confess that I have been having a rough few years. Despite it all, I still put on my hat and go to work. I don’t mean a physical work place. I mean doing what I can to improve myself, continuing to write, continuing to try to see the good in things, and continuing to put myself out there no matter what. Something in me will not let my dreams die. The voice inside is much different than my own critical voice. It’s compassionate, patient, accepting, and comes up with ways to try and help me move past this rough patch. Writing is one of the ways that I am able to let it out.

I don’t know what the details of my future are, but I do know how I want to feel.

If I just have that little piece, I have a step.

Going forward I would like to feel,

Abundant, Appreciated, Considered, Important, Blessed, Forgiven, Seen, Supported, Inspired, Comforted, Helped, Acknowledged, Aligned, Fruitful, Relieved, Financially Stable, & Gifted.

I let out a long deep breath and allow my heart to send a message out to All That Is.

I can’t do this alone.

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Who’s Your “Yes”?

Yes!

Have you ever come across an individual whose presence and work just speaks to your soul?

If so, that person is your “YES”.

Your “YES” is a person that gives you permission to be yourself. Why? Because that person is a walking, living, breathing example of the kind of person you want to be. His or her artistry inspires you and makes you feel alive.

Think about it for a moment. What kind of person do you really want to be? What speaks to your soul? Besides the fancy cars, shoes, and other glittery things – what do you desire deep within you? What are your core values?

Security? Freedom? A Place To Call Home? Connection?

Sometimes we don’t even know what we truly desire until another comes along showing us exactly what our “YES” is.

So I want to know, who’s your “Yes”?

Who’s an example of the kind of person you want to be, has the life you want to live, and inspires you to the depths of your soul?

I met a person today, and when I say met – I mean that my intuition led me to Danielle LaPorte’s website. This entire post was inspired by one #truthbomb that she had on her website.

www.daniellelaporte.com

My soul was then struck by two more #truthbombs.

http://www.daniellelaporte.com/ http://www.daniellelaporte.com/

My spirit just jumped for joy! I scrolled through the rest of her #truthbombs, and I couldn’t believe what I had found. I mean her presence, her demeanor, her depth, her passion, and everything rang right through me. It was as if the heavens opened up and sang “ahhhhhhhh”. Let me tell you something – if you haven’t been to her website – you need to go. After you’re done reading this post of course (hahahaha).

After I clicked through each of her sections in awe, I settled down and thought to myself – I am, what I found. Her passion, her insight, her wisdom, her beauty, and her grace – all of those things are within me. I desire to strike someone’s spirit the way that she struck mine.

Danielle LaPorte Is My “YES”

Danielle LaPorte

Author | Motivational Speaker | Entrepreneur

She’s my “YES” because she’s raw, honest, personable, & passionate.

www.daniellelaporte.com

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Lisa Price Is My “YES”

Lisa Price

Founder Of Carol’s Daughter

She’s my “YES” because she’s creative, beautiful, inspiring, & followed her dreams.

www.carolsdaughter.com

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Shantell Martin Is My “YES”

Shantell Martin

Visual Artist

She’s my yes because she’s edgy, divinely inspired, & makes a living drawing on everything.

www.shantellmartin.com

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Lou Niestadt Is My “YES”

Lou Niestadt

Author | Illustrator

She’s my yes because she works from home, loves her family, & creates from the heart.

www.louniestadt.com

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Marie Forleo Is My “YES”

Marie Forleo

Best-Selling Author | Mentor | Creator Of MarieTV

She’s my yes because she’s cool, confident, & teaches others how to create the life they love.

www.marieforleo.com

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So spill it – who’s your “YES”?

Go to the top of the post and click “leave a comment” to reveal who your “YES” is. If you prefer to post a response on your own blog, just add the words “Who’s Your Yes” somewhere in the post and link back to this post.

Did you enjoy this post? If so, don’t forget to hit like, comment, and subscribe.

Thanks for reading!

finished-heart Nay