The Bitch In My Head

Inner Critic

She’s always there – waiting for me to mess up, waiting for me to try something new, waiting for me to step off track, so that she can add her nasty opinion to my life. You’re here reading this, so that means you have one too (a bitch in your head). Welcome sister – you’re not alone. It’s time to expose this B, and put her back in her place because she’s been in the driver’s seat way too long. 

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Why That Negative Situation May Be A Blessing In Disguise

YESTERDAY, MY HUBBY WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIS FATHER AND HAD HIM ON SPEAKER PHONE.

Somehow, they got into a conversation about how to raise my son.

His father kept saying something along the lines of, your son could be great, you have to teach him, you have to read to him, you have to show him how to learn, listen to me – I am teaching you all how to raise your kid kind of vibe.

For some reason I was taking everything that he said very personal. We do all of those things and more, and my hubby’s father assuming that we didn’t, really bothered me.

On top of that, he had a really stern tone, and was saying all those things as if we weren’t raising our child right.

It started to get under my skin, so I walked away for a moment and I thought to myself, why am I attracting this kind of situation? Why am I attracting a phone call where it seems as if his father is downing our parenting skills?

I shrugged my shoulders and forgot about it for the night. But today, while I was in the shower, the thought came back to me.

WHY HAD I ATTRACTED SUCH A NEGATIVE CONVERSATION?

Another thought occurred to me right after that.

Where did I recently feel like I wasn’t a good mother or a fit parent?

You see, I can tell when negativity shows up, that I must have been thinking something along those same lines.

So when the question above came up, I just smiled to myself and said, ohhhhhhh I was thinking that.

A FEW DAYS BEFORE THE INCIDENT, I HAD GOTTEN REALLY UPSET WITH MY TODDLER, AND I YELLED AT HIM.

Obviously, I felt like shit because I had gone a little over board and didn’t control my anger.

Anyway, after I yelled at him, I started crying because I was so frustrated with myself.

I started saying things like, I can’t do this. I’m not built for this mom thing. I am losing my patience. I can’t manage this. I felt like an unfit mother.

Now those thoughts were way out of line, and I probably just needed a nap or something, but I could suddenly see where the negative situation with my hubby’s father stemmed from.

It stemmed from my thoughts and feelings about not being a good mother. So something showed up in my experience to amplify exactly what I felt.

DO YOU SEE HOW IT’S ALL CONNECTED?

If we dig a little deeper, the situation was showing me something even more profound.

It was showing me the ability I had to recognize and respond differently to the situation.

Just like I recognized that the conversation with his father was a bit off key, and I walked away. I could have done the same thing when I got frustrated with my son.

It was showing me that I have the ability to respond differently – in any situation. I don’t have to wait until a situation gets out of control or something negative shows up to beat me over the head.

IT WAS AN EXCELLENT LESSON, AND A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

I believe that all the things that show up in our life, have something to teach us. Sometimes we miss the lesson, but I got this message loud and clear.

When a negative situation shows up in your life next time, see how the situation makes you feel, and then ask yourself, where in my life have I felt this same way lately?

With just that little bit of investigating, you’ll see where the situation stems from, and you’ll be able to do something about the root cause of it.

The root cause usually has something to do with how you feel about yourself. That situation that is appearing in front of you is just amplifying something that you are holding inside.

RECOGNIZE IT, LAUGH AT IT, AND THEN COMMEND YOURSELF FOR BRINGING IT TO YOUR AWARENESS.

We can’t change how other people act, but we can change our response to it. We can’t make other people value us, but we can remove the parts within our own self where we degrade and speak negatively towards ourselves.

{TWEETABLE} Change in your inner world leads to change in your outer world. #soulguidance

Remember that. Empower yourself. Shift what you say to yourself and how you treat yourself.

Thanks for reading.

With love,

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide


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Is Arguing Ever A Good Thing?

arguing

You scream.

She screams.

You say something mean.

She returns the favor.

She digs her claws in deep, opening wounds that you thought were gone.

You retaliate and back her into a corner.

Then f-bombs, and tears, and frustration follows.

No one has heard the other. No one has listened. Ready to just be right or to make your next point. But no one during the entire argument got what the other person was trying to say.

So why are we so intrigued with the temptation to step into the pit of fire that we know we should have stayed away from? The pit of fire that once you’re in, there’s no turning back – it has you.

In the midst of it, you just want it to stop.

All the pain, all the hurtful remarks, all the deep seated hatred that no one spoke about until the fight. Why do we put ourselves through it?

If the two of you can’t hear each other and if nothing gets settled, what is the purpose of arguing? Is it ever a good thing?

I think arguing serves no other purpose other than to help you release.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, sometimes there is negative energy around that you can no longer put up with – you have to call it out, and sometimes you have to trust that it’s the right time to release someone from your life.

Getting some old stuff out so that you can make way for the new, is an essential part of your growth.

Somewhere along the line, you realize that you are two different people. Neither one of you is wrong – you are just on two different paths and aren’t right for each other at the time.

So you say your piece, and at the end when all the dust settles, you breathe it out, pray it out, meditate it out, and let it go.

You should never ever let anyone make you feel like bettering yourself or wanting more for your life is a crime, and if it takes a couple of f-bombs and other aggressive words to get that point across than so be it.

But what we do have to realize is that the argument is never about the other person. It’s for you to clarify what you will accept and what you won’t, what you are willing to put your time and attention into and what you are not, and what you are willing to hold on to and what you need to let go of.

That is the purpose of an argument, and it’s only a good thing because sometimes it helps you clarify and release things that are no longer serving you. It helps you release the people that don’t appreciate who you are as a person or what you’ve done for them.

After you have seen your side and her side, and you realize that you two are not good for each other, it’s time to move on.

I am not referring to just familial relationships, this could be any relationship that is taking your time and attention off of what’s important. If everything is an argument and there is no harmony there, it may be time for you to just move on to something new and better for you.

Not out of spite, not out of disrespect, but out of quite the contrary. You move on because you respect YOU, and you don’t have to put up with anything that makes you feel like less of yourself, saddened, or rejected. PERIOD.

So you move on.

Without any hatred or ill will towards the other, but also without you feeling like you have to be ashamed, embarrassed, or down on yourself either.

Stand up for yourself, and if that means that you have to let someone go in your life that can’t see your light – then so be it.

Thank you for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist

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6 Quick Fixes For A Bad Mood

bad mood

I can get moody – let me tell you.

I know that you have all experienced it from time to time.

I’ve had to learn that a bad mood does not have to mean a bad day, and I have also learned that a bad mood can be changed.

Sometimes we enter our day and something sets us off, we hear bad news, or encounter problems that seem impossible to fix. These events trigger our stress hormones, and leave us feeling down in the dumps.

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Here are 6 quick fixes to get a handle on your bad mood. 

1. TAKE A NAP

It may sound silly, but it works. It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is. If you have the opportunity to take a nap during the day (especially if you are in a bad mood) – do it. Taking a nap helps you break the negative thought patterns that are going on in your mind. When you wake up, you feel refreshed, and are then able to face your day from a renewed perspective.

2. TAKE A SHOWER OR A BATH

Water is very calming. There is something about being in a bathtub or a shower that just washes all your cares away. As a matter of fact, when you are in the shower – imagine that every negative emotions is being washed away. When you are done you will feel calm and soothed, and you can approach your day again from that new feeling place.

3. LISTEN TO MUSIC

There are few things that soothe like music does. Put on a relaxing tune, and embody the feeling of the music. Music soothes the soul.

4. WRITE ABOUT IT

Sometimes we find ourselves in a bad mood because we can’t express what we need to express. Things stay pent up inside and we feel that we have no way to let it out. When you feel like that, a good thing to do would be to write about it. Get your journal or just a piece of paper and write down why you are feeling the way that you do. This will help you get those negative emotions out and not harbor them in your heart.

5. TALK ABOUT IT WITH A TRUSTED FRIEND

Notice that I said, “a trusted friend”. By trusted, I mean someone who is not going to perpetuate the negative emotions that you are feeling. The trusted friend should be someone who is a good listener, grounded, and someone who is able to give you suggestions on how to better cope with your emotions. Sometimes, just expressing yourself makes all the difference in the world.

6. WALK AWAY

Sometimes you just need to walk away. Remove yourself from the situation completely if you can. Get out of the house – if that is where your bad mood started. Walk away from your desk – if you are at work and you feel overwhelmed. Remove yourself from a heated debate – if you notice that the argument is taking a toll on you.

You don’t have to attend every argument you are invited to. {Unknown}.

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I hope these tips help you with turning around your bad mood. If you have any tips to share, be sure to share them with us in the comments section.

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Thanks for reading!

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Internal Bullying

Internal Bullying

What Is Internal Bullying?

It’s a process that goes on inside of you, that stifles your creativity, your movement, and your progression to the new and better life that awaits you.

Some Of You Are Fully Aware Of Its Presence.

Think about it – that moment that you go to do something new, and the little voice inside tells you that you better not do it. The voice that has you doubting your ability to perform because of some past failure. The voice that can’t see anything good in you at all, and that wants you to know that you f*cked up in a major way, and you better not even think about forgiving yourself for what you did. It’s the voice inside that spends its days making your life a living hell just because.

It’s so funny because there could be a part of you that has grown and and that wants you to see your situation in a different light. You may even be ready to heal and move on from the incident, but there is something else inside that just will not let you forget what happened. It’s not even that it’s just a nuisance – it goes around and spreads its virus through each area of your life.

As a result, you end up questioning your gut instincts, denying yourself the freedom to choose new things, and you also end up questioning your integrity and your entire path in life.

In your heart you know you are meant to be free. In your heart you know that things are meant to work out for you, but there is this internal bully that stops you at the gates. It doesn’t want you to pass. It wants you to remain helpless, hopeless, and feeling like nothing.

Why?

Because somewhere in your life, you made a mistake that you thought was unforgivable, unfixable, and unresolvable. So this energy took that opinion that you concluded about yourself and made it into your worst nightmare.

It doesn’t show up full forced and ready for war. No, it wouldn’t want you to see its craziness and catch on to what it’s doing to you. Instead, it shows up as a negative thought here and there. It moves into your space stealthily, and sabotages your thoughts of success.

Think about the times when you are thinking about following your heart. Following your heart should be a no brainer. It should be something that is automatic and unquestionable, but how often do you question if the decision to follow your gut, your inner promptings, and your intuition was correct?

That’s Internal Bullying.

If you have to question if you can be free to honor your life’s calling, follow your bliss, and put your best foot out into the world – you have some serious internal bullying going on – make no mistake about it.

Your heart knows what that heartless energy is doing to you, but you sometimes have to step outside of yourself to recognize it. That’s why there are so many teachers, aids, angels, and guides out there pointing you in the right direction. They are around because sometimes we can’t see what the problem is. We are constantly asking for the solution,  but we don’t recognize what the problem is.

When We Seek Outside Help, We Are Asking For One Thing and One Thing Only – Validation.

We want to know that we are worthy, relevant, heard, and that the choices we are making for our life are the right ones. If we dig a little deeper we will discover that what we are really looking for is a sense of resolve within ourselves. Sometimes that sense of resolve comes from your mother saying, “okay sweetie give it one more try”. Sometimes that sense of resolve comes from your pastor saying, “it’s okay, repent, and go on about your life”. Sometimes that sense of resolve comes from your child looking into your eyes and offering you a smile that says, “Mom I love you, no matter what road you decide to take”.

The way to stop internal bullying is to make the decision to trust your instincts, follow your own path, and trust that in following your heart, the rest will work itself out. You can also find peace within yourself about your decisions. You don’t have to be bullied off your path. You want more? You go for it, and don’t give up until you see it into fruition.

Your Path Is To Trust Your Intuition & To Follow Your Heart.

It’s gonna wear different clothes sometimes, and lead you to different places, but the ultimate feeling that chasing your dreams is trying to get you to embody is the feeling that you belong here and that you deserve joy and fulfillment. There are endless paths to the feeling of joy, so choice one that feels right to you, and see where it takes you.

Thank you for reading!

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Inner Work – The Part Of Ourself That Blocks Our Blessings

Blocking Your Blessings

I was studying one of my dreams, and it pointed me in the direction of something that I need to face within myself.

I’m sure alot of you face this same issue from time to time.

We all want the best out of life, we pray for more blessings, for healing, and to have our spirits uplifted, but we sometimes don’t realize that we block the very things we are praying for.

I mean, how comfortable have you gotten with telling yourself you can’t do something, it can’t be that easy, or that you don’t have the support you need? We stay wrapped in that frame of mind so much that when the blessings do come, we can’t recognize them.

When you are angry, upset, or feeling down – the last thing that you want to hear is some Pollyanna Princess or Mr. Do Good telling you to let things go or to cheer up. Their messages are so clear and they give you a direct route to the answers that you have been seeking, but you are in such a bad mood sometimes that you don’t even realize what’s being spoken – so clearly.

Have you ever been there?

We must understand that our prayers are always being answered – always. We just aren’t attuned to hearing the solutions all of the time.

An answer to one of your prayers could be as simple as someone saying,

Believe

Think of how many times you have listened to a positive quote for a minute and then your mind switched back to all of the reasons why you couldn’t honor that positive quote. Your responses may sound something like this, “I’m too tired, I’ve tried everything, I’ve prayed endlessly, I’ve done this, this, and that, I see no future for me.”

Just Stop For A Minute!

Recognize what you are doing…

Someone said to you as clear as day, “Just believe in yourself”.

That’s it. That was your only task. It was the answer, and you took a different route, backpedalled through your past, and then drew the conclusion that the “positive talk” was bullshit because you attracted a situation that confirmed all the negative thoughts you were thinking.

If you would have turned those negative thoughts around and really believed in yourself, you would have attracted a different circumstance, and then your conclusion would have been completely different.

Someone calls you beautiful, and you shy away from the compliment. Someone leaves a nice comment on one of your pages, and you wonder what their “real” intention is for leaving such nice words. Someone offers you help, and you think it’s because they want or need something from you.

Why is it so difficult for us to just accept our goodness and our answers without the idea that something is going to go wrong, someone is out to get me, or this feeling won’t last long?

Why is it so hard for us to believe that we are the right person for the job, we are at the right place at the right time, and the resources to support us will line up once we get comfortable with that knowing?

Maybe someone stripped your joy away in the past. So you hold on so tight to certain things because you don’t believe that you are powerful enough or worthy enough to attract more things that bring you joy. Or perhaps someone told you that you would never make it. So you get the impulse to try something new, and then give up before it even has wings strong enough to fly.

You have to realize that there is higher part of you wanting nothing more than to link you with your goodness, power, and potential. But how many times do we repress this spirit because we don’t believe what it’s trying to tell us?

The bottom line is this…

If you have been asking, wishing, hoping, and praying for something, your answers are being delivered to you right here – right now.

Believe In Yourself

I didn’t say conjure old ideas about yourself. I didn’t say phone a friend to see if they agree. I didn’t say check with your brother, mother, or sister to see what their opinions are about you. I said, believe in yourself.

That means you have to find ways to honor and respect the totality of who you are, feel comfortable with who you are, and feel confident with the palette of life that has been laid before you. There is an infinite space of potential that we all have access to.

Anything can be created from the infinite – anything!

Set your true self free.

Thanks for reading!

heart Nay

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I Sense Overwhelm – How Many Roles Are Crying Out For Your Attention?

Roles

I Had A Dream Last Night That Got Me Thinking About My Journey Into The Unknown.

As some of you know, I have been working on exploring newer, fuller, richer opportunities for myself.

I have taken steps to see a world unfold that I never even dreamed of when I was younger. This exploration of the self, exploring my goodness, and what I could potentially be, are all very new ideas for me.

With That Said, I Feel Like I Am Being Pulled In 100 Different Directions.

I am trying to be a good mother, a good wife, trying to write my next book, run a soul guidance business, and still trying to do my inner work so that I can grow to be the best person that I can be. That’s alot of damn hats to wear. But I can’t give up on my dreams because they are calling me.

I have never been so close to so many possibilities, and I must admit that it scares the hell out of me.

Especially since I feel I am doing it alone. I mean I have support, don’t get me wrong, but alot of my family and friends don’t really support my dream. They support me, but they just don’t really get this whole “want to be a writer” and “soul guidance counselor” type thing. They just don’t get it, and therefore they don’t support it as much as I would like them to.

I don’t blame them though. People have their own lives to live. They can barely navigate their own waters, let alone try to help someone that is wayyyyyyy out there in the ocean, and that has thrown away the oars (lost her mind). That is what they probably think about me chasing what they believe to be a “pipe dream”.

I Almost Followed Someone Else’s Idea Of A Dream The Other Day.

Bless her heart, my sister said to me the other day, “why don’t you become an accountant?” She asked me that question because I was helping her with her taxes – which was a polite way to say, why don’t you get a real job and start making some real money. 

The funny part about that story is that I actually considered it for a minute…

How About You?

How many different roles do you play? How many things right now are crying for your time and attention? Do you feel like you are trying to follow your dreams with little to no support? Does it overwhelm you sometimes – like it does to me?

My Dream Last Night Showed Me My Fears So Clearly.

In the dream I was on this beautiful cliff in Antigua about to plunge into this beautiful multi-colored ocean, but the drop was 100+ feet down. I thought I was going to die in the dream so I just stood there on the cliff paralyzed by fear.

Many different thoughts ran through my mind. What if I can’t swim? What if I can’t breathe? What if I am not strong enough to pull myself back up once I plunge into the water?

Isn’t That How It Goes When We Are Getting Ready To Take The Leap Into Different Parts Of Our Experience?

When we’re getting ready to accept a new job or new opportunities, when we are leaving the old stuff behind and moving into the unknown, or when we simply change our minds and move in a different direction.

Fear paralyzes us, and we remain stuck or overwhelm sets in and we feel that we cannot fulfill all these different roles we are being called to play. There are a few things that I want to remind you (and myself) of, because we do have our own answers. The only problem is, we don’t believe that we have the right answers sometimes or we aren’t taking the time to implement small changes that could make a world of difference.

So Here Are The Reminders

  • Your desires and dreams matter, and you do not have to push them to the side.
  • There is space for all (your family, your desires, relationship wise, etc).
  • Don’t penalize yourself for wanting all aspects of your life to work (the relationship aspect, the financial aspect, or the artistry aspect).
  • We were created to express many different parts of ourself at once.
  • We can decide to marry (commit fully) to those things we love, and divorce (withdrawal our time and attention) from the things that we do not love or care for.
  • If you are overwhelmed you can stop for a while. When you return, take baby steps. You don’t have to complete or get everything right all at one time. Stop thinking you have to do everything all at once.
  • That “have to finish everything right now” mentality is a perfectionist mindset. Staying in that kind of mindset leaves no room for you to breathe, no room for you to change your mind, or commit errors, and learn from your missteps. Staying in that perfectionist mindset is the quickest way to get yourself overwhelmed.
  • Fear is natural, but there is a new you on the other side of fear. Work on standing up for yourself and your dreams little by little. Say yes a little more, and criticize yourself for wanting more – a little less.

Learn To See Your Roles Differently

You obviously are a valuable asset in all of the roles that you play. You just gotta try not to overwhelm yourself with thoughts of being perfect in each role. There is time and space for each one of your dreams. As a matter of fact, all the roles you play, have the potential to bring out the best in you – you just have to see it in that way.

Your not being asked to be perfect. You are being asked to just be yourself – in all aspects of your life – as fully as you know how.

Another Reminder

You have your own answers. You know what you love and what you want to invest your time and energy into. Do more of that, and less of what you don’t want to do.

Be Patient

It takes time to cultivate new habits. Especially when you are doing something as scary as following your dreams.

It takes a step here and a step there, faith here and readjusting there, a leap here and holding out there.

There’s no set pattern, but you can find a rhythm that brings you into harmony with all the aspects of your life that you care about the most. Focus on bringing harmony to the elements that you care about the most. It’s not quantity – it’s quality.

When you are with your kids – be with them fully. When you are working on your art – be with it fully. When you are doing the dishes – be with that fully. It takes times to develop the habit of staying in the present moment, but you can do it. I’m rooting for you to be fulfilled in all areas of your life!

P.S. Click Here For Soul Guidance

Thanks for reading!

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