I have to come clean.
I am not a writer.
Let me be clearer. I am not a writer in the traditional sense. It all depends on what your definition of a writer is. I have read countless blogs and articles that list the criteria for allowing yourself to be called a “writer”.
You have to #1 be making a living at writing according to some.
You have to #2 love to read, and I mean alot.
You have to #3 know all the rules of writing. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and the difference between lay and lie –
shoot me now.
You have to #4 be in some way associated with a big name publisher or if “self-published” have had to hit the $1,000,000 mark.
Okay maybe not a million dollars but somewhere in the 100’s of thousands.
You have to had #5 attended some kind of college and earned a fancy degree.
You have to #6 know all the great poets and authors of the past and somewhere in your life you should have studied their works, and the list goes on and on.
If the things above are the criteria for being called a writer, then I have to be honest with you – I AIN’T IT. Slang intended.
Let me elaborate.
Point # 1 – I am not making anywheres near a million dollars for any of the 7 self-published books that I have written. As I am matter of fact – I haven’t even made $70 for the 7 self-published books that I have written. One of my books – “Mother Father God“ – has over 7400 reads right now. Do you know what that would translate into if those people actually decided to BUY my book? But nope, they didn’t. They just chose to read it online for free, which is all good, but I gotta eat too.
Point # 2 – When I think about having to go back and learn everything there is to know about sentence structure and grammar, I literally become sick to my stomach. I cringe at the thought of having to go back to the elementary level of understanding how to use lay and lie in a sentence. Because everyone knows that to be an author, you can’t be asked the difference between some of the most used words in writing and not know how the hell to explain their usage.
My mind is bombarded with so much information everyday that I can’t even remember my middle name sometimes.
Point # 3 – It’s so difficult for me to be able to allow myself to be called a writer. I see other authors and they have piles of books, that they love to read, and that they review effortlessly. While I, have piles of books, that are sitting on my bookshelf, that are collecting dust as we speak. Some authors can tell you a quote from almost every famous author. While I, can barely remember the names of the author’s books that I just read.
So why the hell, if I don’t have any of those attributes, do I keep writing anyway? I mean why am I drawn to it? Why even keep creating stories if I don’t have what it takes to be called a writer?
I guess I read differently than some others do. I guess sometimes it doesn’t take a book to know how to read and write in a way that people can understand. I read emotions and energy. I can feel the spirit of those who’ve passed away still wanting to create, and I love when I am in my flow enough to receive those insights of information.
But still, the rules say you have to be known, you have to make money at it, you have to love to read – and alot. But I don’t like to read alot. Don’t get me wrong; I do what I have to do, but it’s a chore to me. Especially when I know that there is inspiration circling around me right here right now. There is energy around right now just waiting to be translated into words.
When I get a new book, I open the book and start flipping through the pages. I look at the alignment of the writing, the font that the company chose to print the book in, the margins, the front cover and back cover. I honestly get more excited about how perfect the book feels than what the author actually wrote about. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the truth.
I love to write. I really do. I love the idea that I can put feelings into words. I love the idea that a few words written in the right way can heal someone’s life. When I think of my dream job it doesn’t include a mob of people, standing outside in zero degree weather, waiting to sign my book. It doesn’t include being the boss of several people and managing their time, tasks, and schedules. It doesn’t even include being involved with a ton of people at all.
When I think of my dream job, I think of being tucked away cozily in warm room, next to a fireplace, with a computer on my lap, and a hot beverage on the table in front me. In that room there may be four other people – an editor, a real friend to tell me when my writing isn’t making sense or sounds like bullshit, my son, and my significant other. That’s it. That is all I really need.
I would have magazines with pictures all around, a book or two that really touches my heart, a sketch pad to doodle, some candy, and a coke.
I would skim through the pictures, read some chapters from the two books, dig deep online for meaningful articles, maybe go for a walk to get some fresh air, go back inside and dig some more online, watch a little tv, kiss and play with my son, yell at my significant other, and then when I am all done collecting that data from those many different (and relevant) sources, I would sit down and start to type.
As a matter of fact, I was visiting Marie Forleo’s website (how to create a business and life you love) the other day and I came across a testimonial video from the artist Lou Niestadt. It was so inspiring to see an author/illustrator doing what she loved, in her zone, and working from home.
I don’t see myself in large crowds or fighting through crazed fans to get to my seat. I see myself in my home, comfortable with who I am, inspired by the life I live, and guided by the divine to pour my heart out. After which, I would hand my draft over, it would be modified and corrected by those who know the “outside world” a little better than I, and then the finished copy sent to be turned into a book. Which I can sell online. That is what my dream job would be.
I am not a traditional writer. I am not interested in alot of wild fame. Although I do love a good heartfelt thank you from time to time and I do want what I write to touch people’s hearts. I am not interested in digging through history to find the right words to say when I know that they can be inspired right now from where I am. I am not interested in earning some fancy degree just for the sake of saying that I have one.
I desire real authentic relationships, passion that comes from the heart and soul, and a “flow like water” type of expression. I can feel people deeply. I can feel the calling from the energy around, and that type of knowing is not always appreciated. Sometimes it’s just not good enough. That type of knowing can’t get you a degree, or awards, or even recognition.
But the thing that keeps me going even though I don’t have the knowledge like some others, is the idea that I may find another way to live my passion. The idea that I may not have to go back and learn everything all over again.
The idea that maybe there is a way for me to really do what I love. I am not a shy person, but I am personal. I have always been that way, and will always probably be. The way that I share with the world is through my words. When I can’t say something I write it. It’s how I free myself, my thoughts, the worlds I have inside of me, my fears, and my disappointments.
I am on a mission to create the perfect place for me and my unique personality. I know it exists. I am not the only one that loves the home life. I am not the only one that values security and stability without wanting to sit in a cubicle in someone else’s dream. I know that I cannot be the only one that feels this way. So I will put my wish out to the universe.
I am not a traditional writer universe – nope that’s not me. But I am kind and I am considerate. I pay attention to what I write and how I present it to the world. I am extremely organized and I love the idea of creation. I love the idea of genuine relationships. I love juicy discussions and deep revelations. I love to dig and probe into the soul of person to find out what they really feel. I can usually feel the heart of a person. Not just what they say or what they present to the world. I can feel when something just clicks or I am deeply connected to someone. I am a solitary person and I love to work alone, but will work with others that I can call “family”.
I am loyal, dedicated, and will give every ounce of me if I feel that the job is a right fit for me.
So if anyone is looking for someone like me or connects to my words or work, let’s talk. Who knows – we may collaborate on a project, I may work for you one day, or maybe we just become good friends, and we all know those are hard to come by.
Thank you for reading!
Do you have anything that you would like to confess for Truth Be Told Tuesday? If so, go to the top of the post and click “leave a comment” to share your story. If you prefer to post your response on your own blog, just add the words “Truth Be Told Tuesday” somewhere in your post and link back to this article.
I look forward to hearing your response.