Freedom Friday: Manifesting The Space I Desire Most

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About What I Desire Most

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For this Freedom Friday post I figured I’d share one of my dreams with you.

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted a house.

Even when I was a preteen, I use to look through the pages of the magazines and catalogues that would come in the mail and visualize me walking through one of those beautiful mansions – that from my childhood perspective – seemed very easy to get. Through my childhood eyes, I needed nothing more than to wish for something, and one day it would appear (so I thought).

But my dream of owning a home wasn’t just to satisfy my materialistic needs. There is something about the thought of having a space of my own that just means the world to me. Something about the thought of building a warm, comfortable, inviting space that just gives me the feeling of purpose.

For some reason, I feel that I was made to create an inviting home.

Now I know that may sound crazy to some of you, but I cannot explain my strong desire to own my own home in any other way, other than I was born to obtain it.

It’s just like I felt about my son. I knew that I always wanted to be a mother. Life’s circumstances and many personal things caused me to not be able to have a child for a very long time. I was devastated when I hit the 30 year old mark and thought that my dream of becoming a mother would never happen. I even wrote a poem one day stating that “I wasn’t fit to be a mother”, that’s why God hadn’t given me a child yet. That could be the only reason from my perspective. I wanted a child sooooo bad, and God wouldn’t grant me that wish. So to me, I had done something wrong and I wasn’t fit to be a mom (in my mind).

I couldn’t understand why I would have such a huge desire in my heart and not be able to fulfill it. But on August 13th of this year – my son was born. I have never felt so alive in my entire life other than every moment of my pregnancy and everyday afterwards that I look at my son. It truly is a dream come true.

The desire for my home feels like the strong desire I had to have a son.

It’s more than just getting a house though. Sometimes, I don’t even know how to explain the strong desire, but I am going to try to, because part of me feels like I am standing in my way of receiving this blessings. So I figure if I just share what I dream of and why, it may somehow loosen up the resistance I have inside to receiving such a beautiful space.

I think part of the thing blocking my home is the fact that I am not completely comfortable with who I am yet. I always call “home” – the place inside where you are comfortable with who you are and what you do.

If I don’t feel at “home” with myself – there is no possible way that I can own my own home physically. I believe that alot of what we create has to do with the thoughts that we think and how we feel about ourselves. Lord knows if I could get some kind of grasp on how this whole spiritual/physical thing works, I would be unstoppable. I yearn for understanding. Not just to get things… but to feel like I belong here and like I have a purpose here. Ya know?

How can I feel at home with myself when I feel like I stripped myself of all financial security? The means for my living right now is being channelled through my husband. I haven’t made any money for myself in a few years – even though I have put my blood, sweat, and tears into my writing and other areas as well. It’s demoralizing to feel that I can’t support myself. It seems as if anything I try to do outside of a 9 to 5 job fails. As if the universe is saying, “you are only meant to work for or under someone else. You aren’t meant to be on your own or realize your own dreams.” It’s heartbreaking.

This is one of the big reasons why I haven’t received my home. I am not financially prepared (at all) to obtain such a thing. You would think that with such a huge desire to own my own space, that somehow I would start attracting circumstances to support that dream, but I haven’t been able to do it, and it’s just hurting me so bad.

But if there is one thing that I learned from having my son it’s that – my thoughts about it were mislead. I was worthy of having a son – it’s just that I thought I wasn’t because it was delayed.

Whenever I get discouraged about not getting something that my heart desires for my life, I try to remember a quote.

“Every delay is not a denial.” {Author Unknown}

God knows, that I desire nothing more right now than to own my own home. I don’t know why. I just have a strong urge inside. I am trying everything that I can to build that “home” internally first so that the result of that progress will then be the physical manifestation of my home.

It just feels like it’s taking an eternity, and I feel like I am so far away from it with no help or support as to how to reach the goal. I don’t know… maybe one day I will figure it out.

Sometimes we just have to let out how we feel. It doesn’t do us any good to keep our strongest feelings bottled up inside. I don’t think it does any good to complain all the time either. So I decided to just kind of put words to what’s going on inside. It helps me make sense of how I am feeling. That’s what writers do.

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Thanks for reading!

Are you ready to express yourself for Freedom Friday? If so, don’t forget to click the “leave a comment” button, and share your story. If you prefer to share the post on your own blog please be sure to add the words Freedom Friday to your post & link back to this post.

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Truth Be Told Tuesday Response

Truth Be Told Tuesday Response

The response below is a response to my recent post for Truth Be Told Tuesday.

The writer who calls himself Emotional Emotionless asked that I not reveal his real name or his profile. Out of respect, I have done exactly what he has asked. Thank you so much Emotional Emotionless for sharing your thoughts with us, on this platform, in this way!

Here is his response to the Truth Be Told Tuesday post written on 12/9/14.

With permission from the author of this response, the post has been edited for clarity.

I’m afraid that I won’t exist in the world. In my heart I feel I can do so much good, show so much love, and teach so many my helpful ways. I was always a kind-hearted loving soul, waiting to burst out on canvas. I’m afraid that my heart will only be a memory in a few people. They are all good people, but I want the world to feel what I feel, and be able to develop a love from it.

I’m afraid that one day I will die. You know – plan to wake up and I won’t one day. I’m afraid that I will die and miss something spectacular in the world.

I’m afraid I’m going to come across as stupid. Alot of the time I know what I want to say, but my mind has either a brain fart or thinks really quickly, and I will end up at the end of a sentence before even getting the middle part out when speaking or writing. I feel I am really smart and I try to slow down, but I just can’t. It’s like my brain thinks some words or phrases are irrelevant.

I’m afraid that one day I am going to get so mad at the work that I’m going to forget about my dreams and desires. I imagine me getting an iron man suit and going around to correct all the wrongs in the world. People would hear these thoughts in my head and think I am crazy for even thinking of these things or seeing them in my head. They won’t see what I’m trying to do. They would think I’m too old to think like that, but I would get upset and tell them to look at the way they’re thinking and what they’re doing in the world. It’s not FUCKING WORKING!!! We need a new way of thinking – perhaps even like kids.

I’m afraid that I won’t get my desires. That being good and nice won’t get me what I want. It will only get me cheated. Sometimes I even feel like – yes it will come – but it never does. I’m afraid that God would see me (his son), and think that I have asked for too much. He will then not allow me to get the things that I desire and that I know I need. I’m afraid that the thoughts of me thinking like a kid and getting whatever I want will run out. I’m afraid that day has finally come – with no way out, no help, and no guidance.

Written By: Emotional Emotionless

Soul Guidance – Finding Your Way Home

Soul Quote

Soul Goodies

So ummm yea… I am working on my new book and it’s titled “Soul Guidance – Finding Your Way Home“. I am in a very good mood today and I love the way the book is unfolding. I thought it would be nice to share some of what your soul has to say to you – so – enjoy!

Snippet From The Chapter Titled: What Is Your Soul?

Your soul is the part of you that is compassionate because it knows what it feels like to be hurt. Your soul is the part of you that understands because it knows what it feels like to be misunderstood. Your soul is the part of you that listens because it knows what it feels like to be heard and to also not be heard.

Snippet From The Chapter Titled: Listen To Your Soul’s Whispers

Your soul is not judging you. It’s not in the business of making you feel bad or feel regrets. Your feelings are just that – feelings. Nothing more. Your feelings are no more the entire make up of you than a droplet of water is the ocean.

Snippet From The Chapter Titled: The Stability Of Your Soul

You ask for mercy from God – yet you refuse to show it to yourself. You ask your loved ones to forgive you – yet you refuse to forgive yourself. You ask to be seen and heard – but yet you refuse to give attention to your most tender requests.

Snippet From The Chapter Titled: Where Is Your Soul Guiding You?

Your soul is guiding you home. Home is the place inside of you where you feel most at peace with yourself. It’s where you can be all of yourself – all of the time.

Home is the place where your heart resides. Where you love what you do and how you do it. Where you take the time to take care of what you have. It’s where you can drop your bags and your burden, and stand with arms wide open.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. I really appreciate it. If you had one question to ask your soul (the benevolent, omnipresent, multi-dimensional, intelligent beingness of you) – what would it be?

Drop your question in the field below.

This book is being created because the best of me and the best of you knows that we are seeking answers to the burning questions we have about our true selves. Isn’t it wonderful to know that your soul is ready to gift you the answers that you seek? So don’t be shy. If you have a question – ask it!

Thanks again for reading! If you like the post – don’t forget to hit like, comment, and subscribe.

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Freedom Friday: Liberating Your Creativity

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Liberating Your Creativity

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Freedom Fridays are not just about letting out the things that hurt us the most. Freedom Fridays are also about sharing anything that liberates you!

I am a huge dreamer, and I believe that we should fuel our dreams in any way possible. So for this Freedom Friday, I have put together a list of writer’s resources.

My hope is that these resources help you feel inspired to release your passion in new ways, to trust yourself, and to express yourself uninhibitedly.

Happy Freedom Friday Writers! Enjoy!

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TED Talks For Writers

Mac Barnett: Why A Good Book Is A Secret Door

Elizabeth Gilbert: Success, Failure, & The Drive To Keep Creating

Elizabeth Gilbert: Your Elusive Creative Genius

Inspiring WordPress Blogs

Ryan Lanz: A Writer’s Path Blog (Writer’s tips, quotes, and resources)

Lisa: Real Mom Of Long Island (Writes her heart out about motherhood)

YouTube Videos

Top 10 Writing Rules From Famous Writers

You Are A Writer – Meditation

A Visualization For Creation

Tumblr Blogs

Yeah Write (A community that helps inspire, connect, & educate writers)

Writer Inspiration Posts

For The Writer Who Wants To Give Back

MoreLoveLetters.Com

Writer Inspiration From Yours Truly {That’s Me}

My Writing Heart Tumblr Blog

All Of My Creativity Posts

Tips For Inspiration & Creativity

25 Ways To Get Your Creative Groove Back As A Writer

20 Things That Can Help You Find Inspiration For Writing

24 Quotes That Will Inspire You To Write More

31 Ways To Find Inspiration For Your Writing

9 Tips On Becoming A More Creative and Productive Writer

Other Inspiring Articles/Posts 

The First Question You Must Ask Before Becoming A Professional Writer

A Beginner’s Guide To Creative Writing

Do You Write When You’re Not Inspired?

Looking & Listening: Spy Skills For Writers

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Thanks for reading! I hope these resources inspire your creativity!

Are you ready to express yourself for Freedom Friday? If so, don’t forget to click the “leave a comment” button at the top of the post, and share your story. If you prefer to share the post on your own blog please be sure to add the words Freedom Friday to your post & link back to this post.

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Freedom Friday: Becoming Who I Am

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Shedding All That Is Not Real

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A year and four months ago I decided to do something that was down right crazy. I decided to shave off all of my hair.

Now that might not mean anything to you, but for me – it meant everything.

Inside, I always had a burning desire to do it, but there were so many reasons why I felt that I couldn’t. This experience was very personal to me, so I am going to be open and honest about the reasons why I felt I couldn’t do it.

The first thing is that most “women” define themselves by how womanly they look. Long hair, their shapely bodies, glowing skin – you know – all of the things that make women feel attractive and beautiful. I was going through an internal conflict. How could I feel like a woman without one of the major traits that makes a woman feel beautiful?

I felt like without my hair – I would be less womanly and unattractive.

I am also an African American woman, and growing our hair (for some of us) is as rough as finding our way through life. So when I actually grew a nice head of hair, the thought of chopping it off sometimes was like getting rid of something that I had put alot of hard work into. It was very difficult through the years to grow my hair because it had been damaged by perms, heat, neglect, and stress.

But something within me kept calling me to expose that part of myself- the part of me that had no hair. I had no idea why the call got louder and louder – it just did.

Finally, one day I woke up and my hair had started forming dreadlocks. I was neglecting my hair and it was showing me the results of that neglect. By the way, I hate dreadlocks on females. Just my opinion – don’t kill me.  I decided that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. So I took the scissors and made the first cut. Just like that, cut right into it. There was no regret, no tears, and no kicking and screaming on the floor. Just snipped it right off. The next morning I went to the barber shop and got it cut properly.

When I went home and looked in the mirror I was shocked. I could not believe what I saw. There I stood almost bare bald, and I still looked beautiful. As a matter of fact, I felt more beautiful than when I had hair. The experience was totally liberating. Not only didn’t I have to deal with my hair anymore, I could actually see my face.

I think our souls call us to the edge sometimes. They call us to shed the things that are not true about ourselves. The thoughts that I wouldn’t be beautiful, womanly, or attractive without my hair were not only false they were also things that blocked me from seeing my true beauty. Once you recognize the truth and get rid of the lies you have been telling yourself, your real beauty can show. The truth was – I was not my hair, and I was holding onto false impression of who I would be without it. Real beauty called me, and it was a call that I couldn’t “not” answer.

For this “Freedom Friday” post. I am going to list all of the things that I feed myself that are negative. We speak to ourselves so negatively sometimes. We tell ourselves lies. Those lies corrupt the person who we came here to be. In order to grow into yourself, you have to let go of the ideas that are not true about yourself. Your real self is here to express. How can your real self express itself through you, if you are holding ideas about yourself that are not true?

So here goes. Here’s my list of lies that I’ve told myself throughout the years. Here is where I can express it, and then cut the cord from these things for good.

It helps to go through the process. Just like cutting my hair helped me see the truth.

So here are the lies.

I am not good enough, I’ll never amount to anything, I’m not smart enough, my parents never taught me that, I’m not good with money, I don’t deserve another chance, I messed up beyond repair, I am inadequate, I don’t have the knowledge, I can’t do that, I’m ugly, I’m not attractive, I’m nothing, I’m worthless, I don’t deserve God’s love.

I’ve messed up so much in life, I made a big mistake quitting my job, I’m stupid, I don’t deserve to receive blessings, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe I’m not worthy, black women have such a hard time making it, I don’t have any examples to follow, I have no support, no one is helping me, I can’t do this alone, I can’t find my way, I don’t deserve the good life, royalty and riches are only for a certain kind, I am being punished for my past mistakes, I can’t make it without my grandparents, I’ll never get my house, I’ll never make it.

I’m cursed, I’m doomed, there’s a black cloud over my head, something is influencing my life, something is trapping me, someone else has power over me, I can never be my own boss, I am not attractive enough, I am not beautiful enough, my teeth are not straight enough, I don’t have it,  I don’t have what it takes, I’m not fit to be a mother, I don’t know what I’m doing… and the list goes on and on, but it feels so good to free up some space!

The cord is cut…

Without a regret at all…

I leave this stuff behind…

There is better for me, once I see that all the stuff I have been feeding myself is a lie.

Thanks for reading!

Are you ready to shed the lies you have been telling yourself? If so, don’t forget to click the “leave a comment” button at the top of the post, and share your story. If you prefer to share the post on your own blog please be sure to add the words Freedom Friday to your post & link back to this post.

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Soul Whispers

Soul Whispers

Soul whispers is a term I use when my heart and soul whispers something to me. It can be a poem, a story, a blurb, or anything that inspires. I would like to share with you – the soul whisper that I received today.

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If you like this post please share, comment, and subscribe. Thank you!

Photo in the background of the quote is from Carolyn Cochrane’s Etsy shop.

Freedom Friday: Am I Alive?

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Feeling Seen & Being Heard

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A macbook pro is on my lap, tons of papers scattered about, son to my right – laying damn there underneath my thigh. I hear the twist of the doorknob; it’s my husband. He smiles at me, kicks his shoes off, and drops his book bag where he stands. He doesn’t even realize that I just cleaned the house, and probably doesn’t care.

He forces his legs between the table and the couch so that he can make space to dive into my face with a kiss. I start a conversation about a great article that I read early that day. One that inspires me even. He knows that I have been down, and am fighting my way back to some kind of stability.

He reaches down to pick up the chubby-cheeked miracle that is laying next to me. I look up in his direction trying to make eye contact. He is swirling around with his bundle of joy in his arms. Of course, it’s the right thing to do, but the connection is lost between him and I, but vibrant and alive between he and our child.

My shoulders sink and I can feel my heart break. “Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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I’m in my home office with my face in my hands for the 100th time. Tears are pouring out from my eyes in buckets. I am blabbering words that no sane human-being could understand, but praying that God can somehow make out what I am saying.

“I didn’t mean to quit my job. I am so sorry. I wanted something better. I couldn’t be there anymore. It was draining me. Please God forgive me. Please give me my financial freedom back. Please get me out of this mountain of debt. I am trying everything I can to make it. I don’t want to be like the rest of my family. Broke. Poor. Begging for spare change. Barely able to get myself the basic needs.”

I am able to catch a breath for a half a second and then I continue.

“Please God, I don’t want to depend on my husband anymore. I want my own money. I’m glad he’s here, but I need to feel independent. I’ve poured my heart and soul into my books and tons of people are reading them, but no one is buying them. I tried everything that I had the strength to try. Please God. Please. Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I question as I wipe the snot from my nose with my sleeve.

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I’m flipping through the pages of a catalogue and my eyes come across a beautiful set of candles. I smile. Why? Because I love candles. They lift my spirits.

I run my hand over the glossy page of the catalogue as if my gentle caress will somehow generate a wormhole for the candles to appear. I’m ignited for a second when I notice what catalogue I’m reading. “Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It’s not that far away; maybe 15 minutes at most. I can make it there,” I think to myself with optimism.

My eyes drift to the right. There’s a stack of mail sitting there. There’s a letter addressed to me with big bold letters that reads CREDIT SOLUTIONS INC. I know that it’s another bill, from the same people who wrote me last week, demanding all the money I owe them.

The letter lovingly (sarcasm) reminds me of the fact that I don’t have the money in my account to purchase the candles anyway. I close the Bed, Bath, and Beyond booklet disgusted with myself and the world in general. “Can I just admire something without feeling guilty. I just want some damn candles. It’s not too much to ask. Am I Alive? Do My Desires Matter? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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It’s a week or two after my birthday. My sister shows up to my house with one of my favorite people (my niece). We all sit down in the living room and chat for a few. After a while she says, “I have a birthday gift for you.”

I’m shocked, because I really didn’t expect to receive anything from her. I sit back with anticipation as she reaches in her black oversized pocketbook and pulls out a $25 Children’s Place gift card.

“It’s not about you anymore,” she says with a laugh. “It’s all about the baby when you have kids,” she finishes. My shoulders slump and my heart breaks. “I didn’t know that having children meant I wouldn’t exist anymore. Does she see me? Does she care? Am I alive?” I think to myself. 

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Freedom Friday’s are all about releasing the things that hurt us the most. It’s about freeing up space to allow the new things to enter your life. It’s about being completely honest about the things that are hurting you to the core, making you doubt yourself, and causing you to lose hope. On Freedom Friday’s we have the space to let it out. To say it. To release it, and remove it from our bodies and minds.

Here today, I confess that I have been having a rough few years. Despite it all, I still put on my hat and go to work. I don’t mean a physical work place. I mean doing what I can to improve myself, continuing to write, continuing to try to see the good in things, and continuing to put myself out there no matter what. Something in me will not let my dreams die. The voice inside is much different than my own critical voice. It’s compassionate, patient, accepting, and comes up with ways to try and help me move past this rough patch. Writing is one of the ways that I am able to let it out.

I don’t know what the details of my future are, but I do know how I want to feel.

If I just have that little piece, I have a step.

Going forward I would like to feel,

Abundant, Appreciated, Considered, Important, Blessed, Forgiven, Seen, Supported, Inspired, Comforted, Helped, Acknowledged, Aligned, Fruitful, Relieved, Financially Stable, & Gifted.

I let out a long deep breath and allow my heart to send a message out to All That Is.

I can’t do this alone.

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