Motherhood: When He or She Falls and It’s Your Fault

If you are reading this, it probably happened – you know… the big fall.

It probably makes you cringe just to think about it, and probably breaks your heart to know that your baby’s fall happened while in your care.

If you are a new mother, you may be looking for advice from other parents about the fall or you may be looking to ease some of the guilt you feel about the incident.

If either one of those statements is true, you’ve come to the right place.

I know I can’t take away all of the negative feelings about the incident, but I can share my own experience and the lessons I learned from parenting a rambunctious little boy for 13 months now.

I remember how soothed I felt when I went searching for information on the subject and then realized I wasn’t alone.

First of all, take a deep breath, and take heed to my words.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT just because your child fell while in your care.

I know that you try to be all things at all times, and speaking from a mother’s perspective, we sometimes feel obligated to protect our child from every scrape and every bruise.

Let me save you the trouble by letting you know – it’s impossible.

If you’re a first time mother, like me, you may feel the guilt much more because you haven’t quite built up your experience in the motherhood field, and this thing then comes out of the blue and crushes you. At least, that’s what it feels like.

Let me tell you a little about my experience.

My son (who was 9 months old at the time) FELL. OUT. OF. HIS. PLAYPEN.

Holy shit was I a mess.

It felt like the whole thing happened in slow motion, but also in an instant.

I could see him climb up on his turtle toy that was in his playpen, and pull himself over the edge. I just couldn’t get to him in time.

Without going into the theatrics of it, lets just say I felt like shit afterwards.

There were some things that I learned from the experience however, that helped me, and I want to share those things with you.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. So if you need true medical assistance please be sure to contact your child’s pediatrician or if your child’s fall seems severe, call 911 or go to the emergency room.

With that said, here are 5 tips to help walk you through your child’s fall.

#1 Don’t Panic

  • There is nothing worse than being in a situation that needs your full attention and you being out of it.

#2 Realize – Your Baby’s Bones Are Different Than Yours

  • Their bones are softer than adults, so they are less susceptible to fractures and breaks.

#3 Check Your Baby Out Before Freaking Out

  • Is your baby disoriented?
  • Is your baby crawling or walking awkwardly after the fall?
  • Is your baby crying for an excessive amount of time (15 minutes or more)? If so, there may be an injury that you don’t notice. Report the signs to your child’s pediatrician or a doctor to see what the next course of action is.

#4 Do A Snap Test

  • Snap your fingers left, then right, then up, then down (one direction at a time – seeing if your child follows the sound). If so, chances are, your baby is just fine. Keep monitoring the child, and do another snap test 15 minutes later.

#5 Keep An Eye On Your Child’s Behavior For 24 Hours

  • If your child fell and all seems okay from the list above, chances are, your baby is just fine. Just keep an eye on them for the next 24 hours though. It’s your baby’s first fall, and it won’t be his or her last. It’s best if you know what to check for. You can also ask your pediatrician if they have a list of signs to look for after your baby’s fall; if you want additional information.
  • Some doctors also recommend not letting your child go to sleep for at least an hour after his or her fall. Just monitor the baby closely during that hour. That’s another little tip.

I hope these tips help.

The most important thing to remember is – DON’T PANIC.

I know it’s easier said than done – trust me.

Breathe through it and try to remain calm so that you can assess the situation and get help, if needed.

Speaking from a first time mother perspective, we sometimes try to be in all places at all times, and the very last thing that we want to happen is our child getting hurt.

The truth is… we can’t be in all places at all times, but we can take each situation that we are faced with – one step at a time.

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

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Your Heart’s True Desire vs. What You Think You Desire

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I consider myself a loyal person.

That’s why when my sister called to tell me she was going into labor, I was in the car quicker than she could finish her sentence.

When I went into labor, I expected the same treatment.

I expected her to drop everything just like I did. I expected her bags to be packed (just like mine), and for her to be willing to stay the night, if that’s what I needed from her, but she didn’t.

She instead decided that showing up for work was more important. I, of course, was hurt. I felt like I didn’t matter enough to her for her to drop what she was doing to see me through that time in my life, but my perception was wrong. 

I didn’t notice that my perception was off until I was sitting in my hospital room and I noticed how peaceful it was.

My hubby was breathing and preparing himself for the arrival of our son and the nurses were quietly walking in and out to monitor the baby’s heartbeat and mine. As I sat there in peace, I noticed the perfection of the moment.

I noticed that what I thought I wanted and what I really wanted, were two very different things. 

I really wanted my son’s birth to be between me, my significant other, and the earth angels (the doctors and nurses), that were called to bring him into the world.

I realized that I didn’t want or need anyone else to be there, but the one who had seen me at my most vulnerable and that knew how important the birth of my son was to me.

I also realized how important it was for my significant other to have his privacy as well. You see, he had lost a child from a previous relationship, and this was a very momentous and somewhat frightening occasion for him as well.

The universe had lined up circumstances and events that led me and my significant other to what we really wanted and not to what we thought we wanted. God saw the bigger picture. God knew that I wouldn’t want my sister’s job to be in jeopardy and also knew that I didn’t want anyone in the room that would be worried or resentful for being there.

The birth of my son was perfect.

The people that were supposed to be there – were there, and it turned out better than I could have imagined. I just needed to let go of the idea that something was going wrong, and open to the fact that things were really working in my favor.

So if you are going through something right now that doesn’t seem to be working out the way that you had planned, just realize that you are on your way to something better. You are in good hands and you are being guided to your heart’s real desire and not just to what you think you desire.

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide

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What Pregnancy Taught Me About Letting Go

letting go

I am a control freak.

Most of the time I want to know where, when, why, and how something is going to happen.

I am the kind of person that gets anxiety from waiting for surprises and gets very annoyed when I can’t figure out what’s coming next.

Let me tell you that pregnancy took the “control freak” in me and humbled it.

There was nothing that I could do from the moment that I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic, but very much afraid that I would have no control over the process.

I would have to spend 9 months not knowing what my surprise looked like. I would have to wait to hold my baby in my arms. I would have to go to sleep not knowing if everything was going to be okay, and wake up to anxiety attacks because I wasn’t sure if I could support my child, and if I was fit to be a good mother.

All that waiting, anxiety, and not knowing, and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it.

Life is like that too. You build a business or try to follow your dreams and you have no idea what the outcome is going to be. You have to spend months – sometimes years waiting for your dreams to grow, but just like having a child, you have to trust in the unseen.

You just have to hope for the best, keep yourself in good health, allow yourself to grow, and face the challenges that come along with trying to nurture something into the world. I had no control over my baby’s development. I didn’t know how many fingers and toes he would be born with. I didn’t know if I was going to have all the stuff that I needed to make him comfortable when he was born.

But because it was my heart’s desire to bring a child into this world, everything that I needed showed up.

I realized that I didn’t have to be so afraid, and that I didn’t have control over the process anyway. All I could do was relax into what had the potential to be a great experience if I let it.

I have to tell you that I let it be the experience that I believed in, and it was wonderful.

I now get to see my gift (my son) everyday. Everyday there is something new that I love about him. I allowed myself to receive what I really desired – regardless of not knowing exactly what the outcome was going to be.

If there is one thing that I want you take away from this post, it’s that life is unpredictable sometimes. You cannot control every aspect of it, and it’s exhausting to try. All you can do is expect the best, trust in the people that are around you to do what they came to do, trust in your ability to nurture yourself into the flow of receiving, and then watch the experience manifest into something beautiful.

Thanks for reading!

Here are some photos of my son.

heart Nay

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A Brand New Role – MOTHER

I’m A Mom!

I can’t believe it’s been almost 7 months since my last post. Wow, how time flies! Alot has transpired in that amount of time, and I am blown away at how quickly life can change. I stand here in disbelief as I look at my son and remember the article that I wrote not too long ago about being unwed, having no children, and being unemployed. In what seems like the blink of an eye – the “no children” part of my life was replaced with great joy!

On August 13th, 2014 I gave birth to my first born, NOAH. In addition to the other titles I hold in life (writer, blogger, self-published author), I can also add Mother to the list! I have always wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I can finally say that, that dream has come true. I never thought that I would have children later in life. According to my plan, I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get a good paying job, get married, buy a home, and have two kids by at least the age of 25. Ummmm yea, it’s funny how things don’t turn out the way that we see them in our heads.

I did graduate high school, but that “college, nice house, married and 2 kids by 25 dream” did not happen. I am 31 years old and I just had my son. It’s funny how life turns out so differently than the way that you plan it. I have no complaints right now though. I am sooooo happy that I did not have children early. It takes ALOT to raise a child. I am not just talking about financially, I am talking about mentally, emotionally, and physically. I don’t think that I could have handled having two kids at age 25. I had to be ready, and I am so glad that God had a different plan for me.

I Don’t Want To Just Be A Mom – I Want To Be A Great Mom

I now have the son that I have always wanted, and with that comes wanting the best for him. He is 2 months old, and he looks up at me with such eyes of wonder and excitement. His stare sometimes seems like he’s waiting to absorb my words or waiting for me to teach him something new about life. My response to his innocent wonder is a teary eyed look back in his direction because sometimes I feel there is no way that I can give him all that I feel he deserves.

I, myself, am trying to find out where I fit in, in this life. I have not the slightest idea how to teach him the ropes of life – so to speak. I haven’t mastered life, and honestly I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to satisfying that curious look in his eyes.

I do know however that I have plenty of love to give him. There will not be a day that goes by that he doesn’t receive a kiss good night and good morning from me. There won’t be a day that goes by that he cries for my attention, and I am not there. There won’t be a day that goes by that he doesn’t know how special he is to me, and how just his smile brightens up my whole day.

My Real New Role

My new role is not to just be a mother. My real new role is to be a listener, to be a protector, to share my failures with him and my successes, to be honest with him, to let him know that the road is not always easy, to let him know that it’s okay to be himself (always). My new role is to be his comforter in times of sorrow or pain. To be his cheerleader when he’s at his highest point and his shoulder to cry on when he’s at his lowest.

Honestly, I know that all mothers wish they could go ahead of their children and place little markers along the way that warns them what to stay away from, and that eases them towards what is most fulfilling. I wish I could! I wish I had a GPS that told me exactly where my son was going. I would prepare the way so that it was the most comfortable and so that he wouldn’t get his heart broken or experience too much pain along the way.

As a mother, I don’t ever want him to feel any pain, but I know that, that is not possible. He is going to go through things that I cringe at just the thought of, but I will be there to love him through whatever it is that he experiences.

The Hardest Job In The World

It’s funny how for that past few years I have called myself unemployed. Now I can say that I am a stay-at-home mom. There is no job on the face of this earth that is more difficult than being a mother. It’s not only that you tend to the house, do the cleaning, and make sure the ship runs smoothly. It’s that you do all of that and do not get a dime for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I will do anything and everything for my son, and I don’t need any money in return. I love providing (in whatever way I can for him). The point that I am trying to make however is that sometimes mothers are taken for granted. It’s not that we ask for anything in return it’s just that it’s nice to hear “thank you” sometimes. It’s nice to see that all the love and nurturing that we put into the household and raising the children is appreciated sometimes.

Imagine getting spit up on several times a day, changing dirty diapers, cooking, cleaning, hearing your name called 50 times an hour, getting no sleep, being looked at to provide all the solutions to every problem, with no pay, no vacation, and no time off. It’s a difficult thing to do. It’s not easy at all, and although I am not at the stage where I hear my name called 50 times a day, I know plenty of mothers who are. But I am a mom who gets very little to no sleep and that’s expected to clean and cook and keep everything else together.

For me, it’s easier than some others because my significant other appreciates all that I do, and helps out tremendously, but there are some mothers out there who do not receive the thanks that they deserve. I want to say,

“You’re A Warrior and Thank You For All You Do!”

In Closing

I am excited to see where this new chapter in my life is headed. I appreciate the entire pregnancy experience. It was beautiful and I wouldn’t trade my son for anything in the world. I love the idea that he is an infinite ball of possibility, and that he can be, do, or have anything in this life that he desires. My job is to just be there to encourage the best out of him at all times. Sometimes, I don’t think I have what it takes to raise a child, but other times I breathe easy knowing that if I didn’t have what it took – Noah wouldn’t be here. So I must step boldly and confidently in the direction of all I desire and that itself will teach him all he needs to know in order to do the same.

Thank you so much for reading!

finished-heart Nay

Miracle Baby Born: 1lb, 1oz, 11inches

BabyJ

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A Child Is A Blessing

In late August one of my closest friends gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Let’s call her Baby J. She was born at 1 pound, 1 ounce, and 11 inches. We can see the significance of her miracle in just the way the numbers line up 1 1 1 1. She is a true miracle baby.

For Her Privacy

For the sake of my friend’s privacy I will not display her full name here. Let’s call her Ro. I have known Ro for a long time and I know that she is a survivor. I know that she is strong, smart, and blessed. My reason for creating this post is to show her that I care for her, I love her, and support her. I am not going to act like I know what it feels like to go through a situation like she is going through, because I don’t. I am not a mother. I do know however, that people want to know that they matter. This is my contribution to Baby J’s life (in this way), and to my good friend.

My Personal Note To Ro

Dear Ro,

I don’t know all the right words to say. I don’t know how to comfort you or how to make the pain that I know you bury inside go away. I do know however that I can show you that I do care for you and your family. I wish you the best. I know you are strong and Baby J is strong too. I know you smile and pray everyday. I can tell by your updates of Baby J that prayers from your friends and family are working. I created this post so that you could feel love from around the world. From other mothers and fathers and families who you may have never met before, but that share a place in their heart for a situation like yours. My only wish is that this post is filled with beautiful comments, love, and inspiration from around the world. So that you, in times of pain or joy, can feel the spirit of our human nature.

We all need to know that we matter and this is my way of showing that to you.

For The Reader

Please post your comments of love, support, and inspiration below. If you have picture messages, art, or short videos that you would like to share instead of posting a text reply, you can send them to authorreneebrooks@gmail.com. After review, I will add them directly to this post. Thank you so much for your prayers, your love, and support from all over.

I will forward this link to Ro so that she can stay posted.

Thank You All!

finished-heart Renee