Is Arguing Ever A Good Thing?

arguing

You scream.

She screams.

You say something mean.

She returns the favor.

She digs her claws in deep, opening wounds that you thought were gone.

You retaliate and back her into a corner.

Then f-bombs, and tears, and frustration follows.

No one has heard the other. No one has listened. Ready to just be right or to make your next point. But no one during the entire argument got what the other person was trying to say.

So why are we so intrigued with the temptation to step into the pit of fire that we know we should have stayed away from? The pit of fire that once you’re in, there’s no turning back – it has you.

In the midst of it, you just want it to stop.

All the pain, all the hurtful remarks, all the deep seated hatred that no one spoke about until the fight. Why do we put ourselves through it?

If the two of you can’t hear each other and if nothing gets settled, what is the purpose of arguing? Is it ever a good thing?

I think arguing serves no other purpose other than to help you release.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, sometimes there is negative energy around that you can no longer put up with – you have to call it out, and sometimes you have to trust that it’s the right time to release someone from your life.

Getting some old stuff out so that you can make way for the new, is an essential part of your growth.

Somewhere along the line, you realize that you are two different people. Neither one of you is wrong – you are just on two different paths and aren’t right for each other at the time.

So you say your piece, and at the end when all the dust settles, you breathe it out, pray it out, meditate it out, and let it go.

You should never ever let anyone make you feel like bettering yourself or wanting more for your life is a crime, and if it takes a couple of f-bombs and other aggressive words to get that point across than so be it.

But what we do have to realize is that the argument is never about the other person. It’s for you to clarify what you will accept and what you won’t, what you are willing to put your time and attention into and what you are not, and what you are willing to hold on to and what you need to let go of.

That is the purpose of an argument, and it’s only a good thing because sometimes it helps you clarify and release things that are no longer serving you. It helps you release the people that don’t appreciate who you are as a person or what you’ve done for them.

After you have seen your side and her side, and you realize that you two are not good for each other, it’s time to move on.

I am not referring to just familial relationships, this could be any relationship that is taking your time and attention off of what’s important. If everything is an argument and there is no harmony there, it may be time for you to just move on to something new and better for you.

Not out of spite, not out of disrespect, but out of quite the contrary. You move on because you respect YOU, and you don’t have to put up with anything that makes you feel like less of yourself, saddened, or rejected. PERIOD.

So you move on.

Without any hatred or ill will towards the other, but also without you feeling like you have to be ashamed, embarrassed, or down on yourself either.

Stand up for yourself, and if that means that you have to let someone go in your life that can’t see your light – then so be it.

Thank you for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist

Photo Credit

Every Moment Is Brand New

New Moment

This Post Was Inspired FROM A Chapter In the New Book i am writing -(Soul Guidance – Finding Your Way Home).

Where do you feel you’ve gone wrong? Where does your heart ache for a new beginning? Why does your past have you so tight in its grip?

Realize One Thing…

Every moment is brand new. {Renee “Soul Writer” Brooks}

 

No matter what you feel you’ve done wrong, you have a new moment right now to make it right. 

The “rightness” of something has nothing to do with other people’s opinions of it.

The “rightness” of any experience in your life has only to do with you and your peace with what is.

You may not have even made a mistake, but your feelings about it are what causes the dark cloud of regret to hang over your head. You may not have even made the wrong decision, but the weight you carry around about your choice, is what causes you to feel burdened. In any moment, you can make the choice to move in the direction of what feels better.

Every moment is brand new.

The purpose of these words, is for you to see that you don’t have to wallow around in regret. You don’t have to punish yourself for anything that you feel you have done wrong. You have a brand new moment – with each new breath that you take.

If you have been waiting for permission to let go of the past, to forgive yourself, or to get a do over – this is it. You have been granted permission.

Remember from this point forward however, that it is best that you move in the direction of your true spirit, of your true calling, of what your integrity says you should do, according to your own morals and standards, and not according to the will of others.

Moving according to the will of others may be what got you in trouble and in a low place the first, second, and third time around.

There is liberation in the understanding that every moment is brand new.

You can choose from this brand new moment to redirect your energy, turn negative thoughts around, feel things out a bit more, say no when your gut wants to say no, take your time if you feel you need to, and try again, if that’s what the situation calls for.

Once you realize the newness of every moment, you will feel lighter and easier about your life.

The next time that a difficult situation comes around and presents itself to you, you’ll be working from a new understanding. You won’t feel pressured, or hurried, or like your choice is so heavy that it cannot be reworked.

Life will always throw you a new scenario, a new piece, a new opportunity, and a new experience.

Your work is only to recognize the new moment, and follow your inner promptings to rise and meet it.

Nothing is in vain.

Either you grow or you learn.

Things can also change in an instant, but it takes a shift first. That shift comes from within – from a change of perspective, from permission to move on, and from forgiving yourself.

Release the burden right now.

Every moment is brand new.

Thank you for reading!

heart Nay

Inner Work – Rebuilding Yourself

rebuilding

Some of us have foundations that we can no longer live with.

The damage is so bad in some areas that we can no longer call someone else to patch the problem up for us.

There may be skilled workers who have even told you that you need to rebuild, but instead you have put tape over areas that need to be completely excavated.

There may have been earth angels in the form of humans who have told you that the land is nice, but the structure that your house was built upon is old, unstable, and in need of repair.

Sometimes (bless our hearts), we can’t hear it.

It takes alot for some of us to realize that although our parents meant well, they may have steered us off course. It takes alot for us to realize that our teachers were just doing their job, but not teaching their hearts. It takes alot for us to realize that although our family and friends mean well, their opinions of our life stem from a place of fear and not of love.

The point that I am trying to make here, is that we don’t realize the power that others have over our life. Everything that we were taught, all the stories we were told, and all the opinions that were offered to us, shaped who we have become. It built our character. Every “no”, every “you can’t”, and every “are you crazy” got engrained into our system.

It shows up in the way that we approach our intimacy, in the way that we create our art, in the way we withhold ourselves from those we say we love. It shows up in the sneakiest ways. The desires that got buried within us during our childhood lurk underneath the surface, threatening to swallow us whole if we dare take peek to see what might be there.

What’s worse is that the call of our spirit is pulling us in the right direction and because we have that tension inside we think there’s something wrong with us.

We shun our desires, our hopes, and dreams because they don’t fit with what we were taught. We give up on our passions because it’s not what “our father” wanted us to be. We stuff our emotions because society expects you to have it all together, keep it all together, and not show any sign of the contrary.

What a miserable way to live!

It’s time to rebuild yourself, and only you can do it.

I’ve known for a long time that it was time to gut my whole foundation. It consisted of too many heartbreaks, too many disappointments, and too many rejections. It spoke nothing of the true me. Why hang on to something that does not make you feel your absolute best? Why hang on to something that kills you inside a little more – every time you think about it? Out of loyalty? Out of respect? Out of cherishing a memory?

We are all taught to never forget, but too often we link that with “hold on to this and don’t let it go”, even though it may be time to let it go.

The rebuilding process takes alot of work.

It does. Trust me.

I liken the process to building a house. There’s alot of workers involved. Each skilled in their particular area. You want the process to go as smoothly as possible, but there are some bumps along the way. You have to learn to trust the process; which is not easy for some of us.

It’s an annoyance not to be able to see the fruition of your work right away.

It’s a headache when things don’t go according exactly to plan, but the goal is to keep your eyes on the prize.

The journey of rebuilding yourself is tough sometimes. You go through your closets and you want to keep your old stuff, but it’s time sweetheart – it’s time.


You feel anger when you have spent more time and energy than you wanted to spend, but keep your eyes on the prize.

What is the prize?

The prize is a brand new you.

The prize is you being able to not only understand what love is, but to also allow and give it.

The prize is you offering yourself respect, the benefit of the doubt, and space for your real dreams to grow.

The prize is you looking in the mirror and not turning away from who you see.

The prize is you not second guessing your intuition and your strength.

You are capable of giving yourself all of the things that you never received when you were young. You are capable of nurturing yourself enough to let your dreams grow.

Too often we give that power over to someone else.

We look around for the person who hurt us sometimes when they are dead and gone.

We expect the person who broke our heart to come back and apologize when they have moved on with their life.

We expect those who have done us wrong to show up and right that wrong, when in reality, they aren’t even thinking about what they did to you because some don’t see it in the way that you do.

If we only realized we have the power to rebuild ourselves.

Your not looking for their apology. You are looking for permission. Permission to move on, permission to listen to yourself, permission to allow yourself the space to grow.

No one else can start this process for you. And if you have already started it, no one else can finish it for you. You have to see it through. The rewards are plenty.

You’ll be a new person. A person that accepts compliments, that’s open and receptive, someone that’s eager to give, slow to anger, and a shining light for all to see.

The process is somewhat painful, confusing, and downright earth shattering at times to excavate years of damage, but once it’s done you can once and for all, be comfortable with the person that you’ve become. Then that will translate in your work, in your art, in your heart, in your relationships, and in all the rest of your life.

The prize is worth the journey.

Happy Rebuilding!

P.S. This is another post inspired by the dream I had last night. The information that is coming through from decoding my dreams is alot to try and put into words, but I am up for the challenge. If you are interested in exploring the meaning of your dreams, head on over to my Soul Guidance Dreams blog and check it out.

If you like this post, don’t forget to hit like, comment, share, and subscribe.

heart Nay

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Fatherless, Heartbroken, Repaired

Little Girl

A Short Story:

Olivia ran downstairs from her fortress that she built using a few books and two blankets stretched from bed to dresser. She hopped down the stairs and stood next to the front door. It was the week before Christmas and she had waited patiently all day for her father to arrive home.

Before then, she was upstairs inside of her fortress praying to God. You would think that her prays were offered so that she would get a new doll, or the pink bike that she wanted, or a dream come true – a new power wheeled sports car. But her prayers didn’t reflect any of those material things. She had prayed for something that every little girl should have.

She couldn’t wait to see if her prays had worked. As she stood by the big solid wooden door, her mother cautioned her to move back. Her father was large and he usually swung the door open with force, not paying any attention to who may have been standing in the path of it.

She waited eagerly, and when her father opened the door she jumped into his arms. He picked her up and swung her around. She was ecstatic. Her cheeks could hardly hold the joy that she felt inside. When he released her, he headed towards the kitchen. She ran in front of him enthusiastically showing him all of the things that she had received from school that day.

A picture of her class, two lollipops (one for him and one for her), and her reward for being on her best behavior.

“Mrs. Smith, gave me a gold star today daddy. I was so good in class, see,” she said reaching her small hand up to him to show him the gold star that was there.

“That’s nice sweetie,” he replied.

As his heavy footsteps made there way towards the kitchen, Olivia froze holding her breath. She was hoping that he was just going into the kitchen to give her mother a hug or a kiss perhaps, but he headed for the fridge.

Olivia stood there looking up to the ceiling which supposedly held the eyes of God. When he pulled out the bottle her hopes deflated. Her 7 year old mind could not fathom why her father would come home and see her beautiful smiling face and walk to the refrigerator to get a beer. Wasn’t she enough?

Friday night her dad was stumbling barely able to speak.

Saturday her dad was hung over, in a pissy mood, and didn’t want any company.

Sunday… sweet ole sunday… her daddy would dress his best and make his way to church. He sang so beautifully with his baritone voice. He even reached down from time to time to hold her hand. That gave Olivia hope. She knew that God was real, because on Sunday her dad was somewhat present.

Fast forward ten years and Olivia is in a relationship with a boy who is very disrespectful. He doesn’t beat her, no. He sees her on a regular basis, yes, and even tells her from time to time that he loves her. He even calls her pretty. She looks into his eyes holding on to his comments for dear life. She was never told that before. Not in the way that her boyfriend said it to her. He gives her what she wants to hear so that he can fulfill his bet with his friends.

“I bet you she’ll sleep with me. She has daddy issues, and she thinks I’m her knight and shining armor,” he says heckling with his friends.

Her dad hears about this boyfriend that she has and he is furious.

“How could you let someone disrespect you? Treat you like garbage? Can’t you see that boy means you no good? He’s using you Olivia. Don’t you know how to respect yourself Olivia?”

Olivia looks at her father with tears forming in her eyes. Her heart crushes inside of her chest. Her dad was not only supposed to protect her from men like that BEFORE they got to her most sacred place, he was also supposed to mend her heart, not call her stupid for making a mistake.

“Dad,” she says barely able to say his name. “Who taught me that I deserved better?”

Olivia walks out and sees her father every now and again from that point forward. She makes it into college because a counselor wouldn’t let her give up. While in college she meets a professor. A middle aged man that resembles her father in height and in build, but man is he so much nicer and more loving. From working with kids all his life he sees that there’s a change in Olivia. Her grades are falling, her optimism for life is waining, and the sparkle that was once in her eyes is no longer there.

He asks questions, he dives deep, he refuses to take her wish-washy answers at face value. One day she opens up to him revealing that her father passed away.

“You miss him don’t you?” the professor asked, starring into her saddened brown eyes.

“I hated him,” she replied. “Why would God give me a father that couldn’t show me that he loved me. He drank everyday. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me other than a hug or holding my hand from time to time. He never even cared about me.”

Olivia is heartbroken, she feels as if her tears are going to consume her. She has always had faith that God would bring her father back to life from his alcoholism. There wasn’t a moment that went by in her childhood that she didn’t believe that God could resurrect her father. But there she sat, empty. With a hole in her heart that couldn’t be filled. She looked to the professor for answers. Some kind of answers to her horrible truth. She felt unwanted, unloved, and empty with no possible way, from her point of view, to ever be fulfilled again.

The professor took her under his wing. He coached her, he stayed on her, he didn’t give up on her. He was there in her darkest of days. You see, Olivia didn’t know that before she met the professor he was looking for a daughter because he had lost one of his own children. A daughter that would have been the same age as Olivia. It pained his heart everyday, but he kept going. He kept encouraging other people. His life, his students, and his future meant everything to him.

So when Olivia came along with a saddened heart that seemingly couldn’t be repaired he heard God whisper, “I’ve answered your prayers.”

The professor could see the blessing from the beginning, but she couldn’t. But he never gave up on her.

Olivia graduated, she got married, she had children, she became a motivational speaker. All because of one man.

Her professor even walked her down the aisle. She didn’t realize until that very day that God had answered her prayers too. As she walked towards her husband, arm and arm with the professor, an overwhelming sensation came over her. Her father was there. Not in the form or the way that she had envisioned, but he was there. The professor had filled his place. God had answered the call. Not in the way that she expected, but in the way that she needed when her real father couldn’t give her the beauty that she was asking for.

Sign

I know, from personal experience, what it feels like to need a father figure. There comes a point in life when you have to realize that just maybe it’s not going to work out in the way that you held onto for so long. But God, always answers the call. In one form or another. Suddenly, somethings all become so clear.

Let go of your burdens, bitterness, and anger from the past. Let the love that is available for you find you.

I know it’s not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary to move on and fulfill the life that you are meant to live.

I will leave you with a quote.

When you finally let go of the past something better comes along.

Writing is the way I choose to let go. Find your outlet, feel your pain, and release it. You have more to gain.

finished-heart Renee