Motherhood: When He or She Falls and It’s Your Fault

If you are reading this, it probably happened – you know… the big fall.

It probably makes you cringe just to think about it, and probably breaks your heart to know that your baby’s fall happened while in your care.

If you are a new mother, you may be looking for advice from other parents about the fall or you may be looking to ease some of the guilt you feel about the incident.

If either one of those statements is true, you’ve come to the right place.

I know I can’t take away all of the negative feelings about the incident, but I can share my own experience and the lessons I learned from parenting a rambunctious little boy for 13 months now.

I remember how soothed I felt when I went searching for information on the subject and then realized I wasn’t alone.

First of all, take a deep breath, and take heed to my words.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT just because your child fell while in your care.

I know that you try to be all things at all times, and speaking from a mother’s perspective, we sometimes feel obligated to protect our child from every scrape and every bruise.

Let me save you the trouble by letting you know – it’s impossible.

If you’re a first time mother, like me, you may feel the guilt much more because you haven’t quite built up your experience in the motherhood field, and this thing then comes out of the blue and crushes you. At least, that’s what it feels like.

Let me tell you a little about my experience.

My son (who was 9 months old at the time) FELL. OUT. OF. HIS. PLAYPEN.

Holy shit was I a mess.

It felt like the whole thing happened in slow motion, but also in an instant.

I could see him climb up on his turtle toy that was in his playpen, and pull himself over the edge. I just couldn’t get to him in time.

Without going into the theatrics of it, lets just say I felt like shit afterwards.

There were some things that I learned from the experience however, that helped me, and I want to share those things with you.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. So if you need true medical assistance please be sure to contact your child’s pediatrician or if your child’s fall seems severe, call 911 or go to the emergency room.

With that said, here are 5 tips to help walk you through your child’s fall.

#1 Don’t Panic

  • There is nothing worse than being in a situation that needs your full attention and you being out of it.

#2 Realize – Your Baby’s Bones Are Different Than Yours

  • Their bones are softer than adults, so they are less susceptible to fractures and breaks.

#3 Check Your Baby Out Before Freaking Out

  • Is your baby disoriented?
  • Is your baby crawling or walking awkwardly after the fall?
  • Is your baby crying for an excessive amount of time (15 minutes or more)? If so, there may be an injury that you don’t notice. Report the signs to your child’s pediatrician or a doctor to see what the next course of action is.

#4 Do A Snap Test

  • Snap your fingers left, then right, then up, then down (one direction at a time – seeing if your child follows the sound). If so, chances are, your baby is just fine. Keep monitoring the child, and do another snap test 15 minutes later.

#5 Keep An Eye On Your Child’s Behavior For 24 Hours

  • If your child fell and all seems okay from the list above, chances are, your baby is just fine. Just keep an eye on them for the next 24 hours though. It’s your baby’s first fall, and it won’t be his or her last. It’s best if you know what to check for. You can also ask your pediatrician if they have a list of signs to look for after your baby’s fall; if you want additional information.
  • Some doctors also recommend not letting your child go to sleep for at least an hour after his or her fall. Just monitor the baby closely during that hour. That’s another little tip.

I hope these tips help.

The most important thing to remember is – DON’T PANIC.

I know it’s easier said than done – trust me.

Breathe through it and try to remain calm so that you can assess the situation and get help, if needed.

Speaking from a first time mother perspective, we sometimes try to be in all places at all times, and the very last thing that we want to happen is our child getting hurt.

The truth is… we can’t be in all places at all times, but we can take each situation that we are faced with – one step at a time.

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

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The Negativity Received For Being A Stay At Home Mom

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Man, being a mother is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.

You would think that people would support the idea of you working from home and tending to your child, but the truth is – they don’t.

Some tend to think that just because you “stay home” – you have an “easy life”.

That is furthest from the truth.

I feel myself having to defend my position of being a stay at home mom and wanting to work from home, and I can’t understand why it’s such a big deal to other people.

I mean, you really can’t understand why I am not rushing out the door to go work for another company when all I see are angry posts all up and down my Facebook feed about how people hate their jobs?

The traditional route, for some people is okay, but for me, I need more freedom than that.

I mean a steady paycheck is nice, but I’d honestly rather take my chances with doing something I love (running my Soul Guidance business and writing), rather than following someone else’s plan for my life.

Although I am putting my time and effort into my new business and raising my son, people still look at me and wonder when I am going to get a real job.

People tend to form a cruel opinion about people who “stay at home” or that don’t go out to work the “traditional route” to support themselves.

I’ve even received angry words from my own sister about my chosen path, and I must admit that it hurts. It hurts because instead of her realizing that I am trying to follow my own creative path, she thinks that I am being irresponsible by not working a regular job.

To some people it’s all about the money.

They work and work and work – spend all day in someone else’s dream and barely have any time to spend with their family. Yes they make money and put food on the table, but you can’t see that you’re eating your meals at 11 pm, in a comatose state, barely able to enjoy those moments because you are thinking about the next day when you have to wake up and do it all again.

I can’t live like that – I want, desire, and am moving in the direction of a different way. I am sorry if that seems lazy to you, or irresponsible, or not worthy of gaining your approval.

I have a 10 month old son – a rambunctious, hardheaded, love him to death, but gets into everything – son. That is work enough in itself! That is two full time jobs! I love him to death, but those of you who have sons will understand where I am coming from – he is a handful.

On top of that, I offer my time and resources providing Inner Work Sessions to those who are looking for guidance in their life and on their chosen path as well. If that is not enough for some people, than I don’t know what to do for you. I don’t know what to say either.

I realize one thing though.

I shouldn’t have to defend this position. I shouldn’t have to explain to people why I chose a different route. Those who truly know me and understand where I am coming from will support me, and those who don’t – won’t, and I have to learn to be okay with that.

I don’t want someone else dictating what time I can go to the bathroom, when I can take my breaks, or how much time I can take off – to take care of myself. I need a different set-up than that. So I chose to let that route go, and follow my heart into something else that I believe works better with the vision I have for my life.

When you start to follow your dreams, some people do anything they can to bring you down or to try to snap you back into reality (the reality that they want you to live in). The reason they do this is because if you have the courage to follow your dreams – they no longer have an excuse not to follow theirs.

I know what I want for my life, I know who I am, and I give myself full permission to follow the path that I believe will work for me.

I hope you give yourself full permission to do the same.

Thanks for reading!

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist

Photo Credit

A Brand New Role – MOTHER

I’m A Mom!

I can’t believe it’s been almost 7 months since my last post. Wow, how time flies! Alot has transpired in that amount of time, and I am blown away at how quickly life can change. I stand here in disbelief as I look at my son and remember the article that I wrote not too long ago about being unwed, having no children, and being unemployed. In what seems like the blink of an eye – the “no children” part of my life was replaced with great joy!

On August 13th, 2014 I gave birth to my first born, NOAH. In addition to the other titles I hold in life (writer, blogger, self-published author), I can also add Mother to the list! I have always wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. I can finally say that, that dream has come true. I never thought that I would have children later in life. According to my plan, I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get a good paying job, get married, buy a home, and have two kids by at least the age of 25. Ummmm yea, it’s funny how things don’t turn out the way that we see them in our heads.

I did graduate high school, but that “college, nice house, married and 2 kids by 25 dream” did not happen. I am 31 years old and I just had my son. It’s funny how life turns out so differently than the way that you plan it. I have no complaints right now though. I am sooooo happy that I did not have children early. It takes ALOT to raise a child. I am not just talking about financially, I am talking about mentally, emotionally, and physically. I don’t think that I could have handled having two kids at age 25. I had to be ready, and I am so glad that God had a different plan for me.

I Don’t Want To Just Be A Mom – I Want To Be A Great Mom

I now have the son that I have always wanted, and with that comes wanting the best for him. He is 2 months old, and he looks up at me with such eyes of wonder and excitement. His stare sometimes seems like he’s waiting to absorb my words or waiting for me to teach him something new about life. My response to his innocent wonder is a teary eyed look back in his direction because sometimes I feel there is no way that I can give him all that I feel he deserves.

I, myself, am trying to find out where I fit in, in this life. I have not the slightest idea how to teach him the ropes of life – so to speak. I haven’t mastered life, and honestly I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to satisfying that curious look in his eyes.

I do know however that I have plenty of love to give him. There will not be a day that goes by that he doesn’t receive a kiss good night and good morning from me. There won’t be a day that goes by that he cries for my attention, and I am not there. There won’t be a day that goes by that he doesn’t know how special he is to me, and how just his smile brightens up my whole day.

My Real New Role

My new role is not to just be a mother. My real new role is to be a listener, to be a protector, to share my failures with him and my successes, to be honest with him, to let him know that the road is not always easy, to let him know that it’s okay to be himself (always). My new role is to be his comforter in times of sorrow or pain. To be his cheerleader when he’s at his highest point and his shoulder to cry on when he’s at his lowest.

Honestly, I know that all mothers wish they could go ahead of their children and place little markers along the way that warns them what to stay away from, and that eases them towards what is most fulfilling. I wish I could! I wish I had a GPS that told me exactly where my son was going. I would prepare the way so that it was the most comfortable and so that he wouldn’t get his heart broken or experience too much pain along the way.

As a mother, I don’t ever want him to feel any pain, but I know that, that is not possible. He is going to go through things that I cringe at just the thought of, but I will be there to love him through whatever it is that he experiences.

The Hardest Job In The World

It’s funny how for that past few years I have called myself unemployed. Now I can say that I am a stay-at-home mom. There is no job on the face of this earth that is more difficult than being a mother. It’s not only that you tend to the house, do the cleaning, and make sure the ship runs smoothly. It’s that you do all of that and do not get a dime for it.

Don’t get me wrong, I will do anything and everything for my son, and I don’t need any money in return. I love providing (in whatever way I can for him). The point that I am trying to make however is that sometimes mothers are taken for granted. It’s not that we ask for anything in return it’s just that it’s nice to hear “thank you” sometimes. It’s nice to see that all the love and nurturing that we put into the household and raising the children is appreciated sometimes.

Imagine getting spit up on several times a day, changing dirty diapers, cooking, cleaning, hearing your name called 50 times an hour, getting no sleep, being looked at to provide all the solutions to every problem, with no pay, no vacation, and no time off. It’s a difficult thing to do. It’s not easy at all, and although I am not at the stage where I hear my name called 50 times a day, I know plenty of mothers who are. But I am a mom who gets very little to no sleep and that’s expected to clean and cook and keep everything else together.

For me, it’s easier than some others because my significant other appreciates all that I do, and helps out tremendously, but there are some mothers out there who do not receive the thanks that they deserve. I want to say,

“You’re A Warrior and Thank You For All You Do!”

In Closing

I am excited to see where this new chapter in my life is headed. I appreciate the entire pregnancy experience. It was beautiful and I wouldn’t trade my son for anything in the world. I love the idea that he is an infinite ball of possibility, and that he can be, do, or have anything in this life that he desires. My job is to just be there to encourage the best out of him at all times. Sometimes, I don’t think I have what it takes to raise a child, but other times I breathe easy knowing that if I didn’t have what it took – Noah wouldn’t be here. So I must step boldly and confidently in the direction of all I desire and that itself will teach him all he needs to know in order to do the same.

Thank you so much for reading!

finished-heart Nay

Dear Under-Appreciated Mom

 

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{A Love Letter To All The Moms Who Feel Unappreciated}

I am coming to you from the hearts of your children and your husbands. From the hearts of those who don’t tell you how special you are. This letter is from the heart of them – to the heart of you. {Love Renee}

 

{From Your Child or Children}

Dear Under-Appreciated Mom,

I want to take this moment in time to say… 

You Are Appreciated

I know you get tired of cleaning and running and cooking all the time. I know that you worry all day long about our safety and security. I know even when you tuck us in the tightest, you still are thinking of ways to make life even more comfortable for us. 

I know that you long to keep us as babies forever. To see the joy in our eyes when you walk in the room. I am here to tell you mom, if you haven’t seen that joy – don’t take it personal. It’s not you. 

The world is difficult for us sometimes. You mom, are the only one that gives us hope sometimes. We are spoiled with your love. The truth is, we are looking for the world to comfort us like you do. To hold us like you do. To care for us like you do, and when the world doesn’t do that, we take it kind of hard.

I want to say…

I’m Sorry

{From Your Husband}

To my wife, who is stronger than anyone I know. I love you with all of my heart. You are a good mother even though I don’t say it all the time. You are not only a contributor to the household you are the rock on which our house was built. I see you look into our child’s eyes sometimes and I only wish you could look at me that way. I know, it’s selfish, but you don’t know how it feels to receive that kind of love from you. 

I ask you my wife, to be patient with me. Even when I don’t show my appreciation – I ask that you to remember this note. This note that was scripted from the heart of me and sent through a messenger. A messenger who wrote down the words I couldn’t say. A messenger who knew how I really felt regardless of what I tell you. When you feel under-appreciated, try to remember all the reasons you fell in love with me and our child/children. 

We don’t mean for you to feel under-appreciated. We sometimes don’t know how to give you the love, compliments, and praise that you are worth. You are big and we need you. So remember this letter if ever you shall forget. 

Sincerely,

Your Family