Pieces Of My Writing Heart

Pieces Of My Writing Heart

Living From The Heart Day 10

Sometimes I don’t know what to do with this mangled heart of mine. There are pieces of me that were crushed by things that you would consider small. Pieces of me ripped away from their sense of security and belonging. I ask God sometimes, “what do you want with me? What can you do with these shattered pieces?”

In me resides broken dreams, unanswered prayers, and deep longings. Some of these things are hard to remember in detail, but I still feel their ghostly presence. I hear the faint whisper from them encouraging the most discouraging thoughts. There are also pieces of my heart that I cannot let go of. Those things are not easy to forget. They travel along with me everywhere that I go.

It is luggage that I carry along with me, and in return – refuses to get lost. They are remnants of that last good-bye that I never got to say, missed opportunities, failed relationships, and unhealthy exchanges. I can’t seem to shake some things loose. I see the things that I couldn’t fix as failures.

What To Do With These Pieces God?

I have many times tried to delete them – like I do to files on the computer that I no longer want.

But time after time again, life has proven that these files are un-deletable. Delete Delete Delete. Damn it; it doesn’t work.

For those of you who are out there trying that same method , let me save you some trouble. You can’t just get rid of the pieces of your life and heart that you don’t want. I’ve tried it.

So Again God, What To Do With These Pieces?

God responds to me in a gentle tone. I call this voice God because it just seems friendlier than my normal. Easier and more tenderhearted and approving of my missteps.

Well, you’ve always liked writing. Why not be vulnerable? Why not say what you feel? Why not let it out on some pages? There is relief and healing in expressing…

God Then Continues

You’ve always liked hearing inspirational stories. Why not create a few of your own?

You’ve always liked to talk around those you are most comfortable with. Why not write your heart out and let those who are comfortable with your essence find you?

You’ve always loved beautiful things. Why not create a space where you can observe beauty, the things that inspire you, and make you see the other side of the world? A space where people who feel just like you can go to take their mind off of their trouble, if only for a few moments a day. It will feel like eternity to them.

Don’t Try To Throw Yourself Away

You don’t have to throw your pieces away. They are the makeup of you.

They are what built your compassion. What helps you relate to what other people are going through.

Your struggles are what help you find solutions for those just like you who have felt lost.

But What If They Don’t Want My Pieces?

What if they don’t want to hear what I have to say? I am no expert or celebrity.

Just let your light shine anyway. No matter how small you “think” it is. Anyone can write words that people read. Maybe I am sharping your tools so that you can write words that people “actually hear”.

So Why So Many Tears God?

Tears water the soil.

Why Do I Feel So Sad Sometimes?

Sadness helps you feel joy after a while.

I Should Be Happy All The Time?

I am in a great position to express. Why don’t I feel that way all the time?

Because you want so bad to fit in, when all I want you to do is spread out.

You may never know whose watching. That one follower could know a lot of people. That one *like* could be the one that needs you or the one that you need.

God Finishes

Keep writing from your heart, and I will see to it that your broken pieces are mended. It may not always be in the way that you want it, but it’s always in the way that is needed.

{Love God}

Sign

I wrote this article to show you why I write down what I feel and why I share these stories with you. It is healing sometimes for me to put a story to something that has broken my heart or to my feelings. Hopefully by seeing these stories you can take something away from my experiences. It’s not easy living from the heart at first. You are naked and feel like an baby that’s in a big new world. This is me, taking the things that hurt me the most or that fulfilled me and recording them. I am shining a light on some of my pains and some of my successes.

I don’t claim to be a guru or anyone that could even help you with your problems, but what I do know is that many days in my life I was in a very dark place. There were many times when I wanted to throw myself away. Literally, I wanted to end it all. There is a part of me that doesn’t want me to go yet. Not holding on to all of this pain in my heart. So everyday God shows me new pieces.

Pieces of my own shattered heart. God shines a light on them, which helps me write about them. My writing might not mean anything to anyone else, but it means everything to me. It helps me breathe. It helps me feel like I have something to share with this world and it helps me {even if for only a few moments a day} make sense of the pieces that I sometimes want to throw away.

I appreciate you taking the time to read this.

finished-heart Nay

Any Stories? I Would Love To Hear From You!

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The #1 Thing That’s Killing Your Joy

Wilted Joy

Living From The Heart DAY 7

I could have easily titled this article The #1 Thing That’s Detrimental To Your Health or The #1 Relationship That You Are Struggling With. No matter what the name, all arrows point towards one thing: Your Connection With Your Source/God energy.

I’ve learned through decoding one of my dreams the importance of this connection.

I will lay this out in a way that is easy for all to understand.

#1 Your inner-being/God energy knows you intimately & is waiting to connect with you on many different levels.

My inner-being simply chose my dreams because it knows that I love mysteries, it knows that I love puzzles and figuring things out, and it knows how happy I get when I see my own connection to this world.

#2 Your inner-being knows the niche (work, art, industry) that you fit best in.

My inner-being used my niece (yes my little niece) in the dream, as an example of the kind of relationship that it would like to have with me. It also showed me how to go about enhancing that relationship so that I could flow more passionately in my expression. I adore my niece. In my eyes there is nothing that she can do wrong. I love everything that she does. There is no way that I would ever look at her and see anything less than perfection.

That is how your inner-being feels about you at all times. It’s waiting to connect with you in a way that is enriching and fulfilling to you.

#3 The only way to connect with this is to welcome your gifts, intuitions, and knowing with open arms. The same way you would open up to those whom you adore.

Imagine you walking into a room and you see your favorite person. Your face always lights up. You rush towards them to give them a hug or a kiss. You, through those gestures, are showing that you adore that particular person. The same goes for accepting and embracing your inner being. Imagine another version of you happy to see you all the time. Always waiting there with open arms to greet you.

#4 The only reason suffering ever occurs is because you lose your connection to that pure energy.

We go through so many different things in life. Sometimes honestly we just lose the connection. We judge ourselves, we put others down, we don’t see the benefit of the doubt in a situation, and sometimes we don’t respond to our inner promptings with care. All of this is because when devastation hits we feel like we have failed in some way. Along with that feeling of failure comes the feeling of doubt. We stop trusting ourselves and we also stop trusting that we are making the right decisions in our life.

#5 In the dream my niece was pulling on her ear.

She was drawing my attention to listening. When I think of listening I automatically think of intuition. She wanted me to recognize that I wasn’t paying attention to my inner wisdom. Earrings symbolize accentuating your ability to hear your higher self. She wanted me to know to pay attention in the dream and to my dreams.

Do you know how many ideas are sitting just underneath the surface waiting for you to discover them.

Short Story

My niece recognized one day that we could communicate without words. She walked over to a lamp that was sitting on my nightstand and she rubbed her hands along the bottom part of the lamp. I said to her, “do you want me to turn that on?” She just looked at me and smiled so I turned on the lamp. She started clapping and smiling and she looked the happiest I had ever seen. As if she was saying, “FINALLY some understands that I can’t use words yet, but that doesn’t mean I can’t communicate.”

It was so funny and so cute. She understood that day that I could understand her in ways other than talking. She was pointing me back in the direction of my source. Funny that she would use the lamp to do such a thing. I knew her and I had a strong connection before she was even born. I use to talk to her. Even though she wasn’t here yet, I knew here energy was present. I believe she heard me, and that’s why we have such a strong connection even though she’s only almost 2. I read a quote today that falls in line with this…

“Important encounters are planned by souls long before the bodies see each other.” {Paulo Coelho}

P.Coelho

# 6 The dream also pointed to some old patterns of thought that were disallowing my full connection to the flow.

One day when I was younger, I was at my aunt’s house. I made a mistake and put an opened jar of fruit cocktail in the fridge. My aunt came out yelling at me and asked me if I was trying to kill myself. I didn’t understand what she was talking about. She was furious that I hadn’t heard a word about not putting opened cans in the fridge. I felt kind of stupid even though I was really young. I shouldn’t have felt that way because – if someone never taught this – how do you know?

The same thing goes with understanding the most important relationship in your life. Some would beg to differ if you tell them that the most important relationship is between YOU and YOU. We are taught from a very young age to direct our love outwardly. By doing that and not understanding the primary relationship we hurt the relationship that means the most to us. I am in no way shape or form saying be stingy with your love, but we have to learn to love ourselves first.

#7 That experience taught me something long before I recognized its value.

It taught me how to be a better teacher. Decoding my dream today showed me my particular niche is helping others connect to their source energy. This is the most important relationship to build. I learned that people do not need to feel stupid and confused for “not knowing something”. My experience when I was younger at my aunt’s house mixed with the dream that I just had, opens up a space for me to shine light on this subject in a new way.

#8 The other false belief that it touched upon was the idea that {I’m Too Old To Learn}.

That very belief stunts your growth. Take this article for instance. I have been into my dreams for years trying different ways to connect the dots. It wasn’t until I put down the dream dictionaries and started trusting my own intuition that the pieces started coming together. It’s the same thing with your relationship to your source/inner-being. You can use other stuff as a reference, but it doesn’t make an impact unless you understand your primary relationship first. You have to trust your own gut, your own inner promptings, your own inner wisdom. That is what is meant when people say – search inside. It is an absolutely essential part of navigating through this life.

If that system fails – everything else does too.

Fail is too strong of a word, but I think you get the point. If your primary relationship (the one between you and your inner being) is not tended to, all else fails.

You are never too old to dream. If you have a calling in your heart there is a way to understand and connect with it, but you must build up your most important relationship first. Everything else will then fall into place.

I Am So Thrilled

I literally jumped up and down when I discovered this information. It’s not that this information hasn’t been around since the beginning of time. It has, but everyone does not connect to it in just one way. I am here to let my light shine, to uncover piece by piece the information that has been hidden. As it reveals itself, I can feel some of the layers peeling away.

I’ll leave you with this last story.

I know I’ve talked your ear off, but I love seeing the connections in this information.

I once had a dream of a huge Buddha like statue. Long before I knew the Buddha story. A helicopter was flying around spraying dusty gold paint over it. I couldn’t understand why, but the helicopter flew away for a bit. When it flew away, a piece of the statue cracked and the most powerful light started to shine through the crack. It was so bright that it blinded everyone that was standing around.

I feel like that person that has been covered up for a long time. Not knowing her true power or her true worth, but my inner promptings are stronger than any temporary setbacks that I may have faced & I am here to tell you… So are yours. Your inner promptings led you here.

It is no mistake.

I appreciate you reading this.

I hope to hear from you.

finished-heart Nay

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Any insight or new ideas sparked from this content?

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Day 6: Living From The Heart

6

Today Has Been Bizarre

For those of you who are following my posts for this 30 day challenge, you probably know that I haven’t been able to fall asleep for the past 5 days. My body said to me today, “good night”, and laid itself down to rest without my consent. It’s not that I wasn’t exhausted from being up staring at the ceiling for the past 5 days, it’s just that my body doesn’t seem to agree with the time periods that I would like to go to sleep.

On top of my fickle a** body not falling to sleep when I want it to, it also went HAM on me today. I mean my body feels like it’s going to war with itself. I feel like I have a fever, mixed with dizziness, mixed with inner turmoil. I don’t know what is going on. This year I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, but I think that it’s more than that.

Mind vs. Body

For some reason my body is not agreeing with my mind, and my personality and life is stuck in the middle of it. If I told you that I feel like electricity is being passed through my body, would you believe me? If I told you that I can feel energy in my home that is not very nice, would you believe me? If I told you that I can sense things deeply, would you believe me?

I think in some way life is trying to reveal my gifts to me, but my mind and body is rejecting this strange energy. I don’t know if spirits are trying to contact me, if the devil is trying to eat me alive, or if my senses are just extra sensitive. Whatever this strange energy is… I wish it would go away.

secret

I feel like I am possessed by something sometimes.

I’ve been having dreams that predicted things that were going to happen throughout my day, I can tell what some people are going to say before they say it, I get glimpses of things and then all of a sudden that same thing will show up on the TV. I am obviously picking up on something. The only thing is… I don’t think I want to anymore. LOL. I just want to go back to my normal life when all of this perception and hypersensitivity didn’t mean a thing to me. I can also feel a lot of pressure over the bridge of my nose. It’s just bizarre. I don’t know how to explain it or get rid of it. I just wish it would go away.

Dear God – Please Make It Just Go Away

When I woke up, after hours of sleep, I started cleaning. I was in a really really bad mood though. Almost like something was taking over me. I can’t explain it. I was dragging my feet around, reluctantly putting stuff back in its proper place, and whining the entire time.

I decided that if I was going to stop the downward spiral of emotions I was going to have to make a conscious decision to try to get in a better mood.

After an hour or so, I made love to my man and some of the tension went away. My body was obviously craving some kind of physical connection. It helped a lot with the mood.

Although I am not 100% right now, I am sure that with doing some research, making a conscious decision to feel better, and taking things step by step I will get better.

If you have any input… PLEASE do not hesitate to reply below.

Thanks for reading, commenting, sharing, and subscribing.

finished-heart Nay

Day 3: Living From The Heart

Day 3

Starting It Off

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Matthew 7:7-8.

I asked several questions yesterday in my |||Day 2: Living From The Heart Article|||. One of the questions that I asked had to do with self worth. I asked, “what is your real worth?” Meaning, what makes people feel valuable? What were we created for? That question had been on my mind for a few days and I decided to open it up to the universe and the readers to see what feedback I would receive. The universe responded to that question by giving me tidbits of information in relation to that very same subject.

By “accident” (there are no accidents), following the information of a dream I had, I came across a video of Oprah Winfrey speaking with a famous author named Toni Morrison. In the video Toni Morrison was speaking about children and how they know your real feelings for them. Not by the what you say, but by how you feel when they are around. She asked a simple question; does your face light up when your children enter the room?

That question sparked an aha moment in Oprah. She responded by saying, “that is how you learn what your value is. Not by what the person is saying to you, but what you feel.” She then, at the end of the video, apart from Toni said, “that is why for so many many years I was a kid with low self esteem. Because nobody’s face or eyes lit up when I entered the space.”

That Was A Part Of The Answer

I totally can relate to that statement. In the article from yesterday I also mentioned that I need to fit in, I need to feel wanted. It is so true. I need to feel validated in some kind of way. Apparently, I am not the only one that feels that way. The video above is one way that the universe answered my question. I turn it back over to you. What is your real worth? What are your ideas on that topic?

I am very excited that the answers to our questions come in many different forms. We just have to be willing to listen for the cues and follow our instincts. That is not the only synchronicity that I experienced throughout my day. There were a few more synchronicities that went right in line with the same topic. It just proves that there is something bigger than us. Whether you call that something God, the universe, or infinite intelligence, it is aware of our questions, and would love to provide answers in a way that we connect with.

Some Inspirational Quotes

I want to share a couple of quotes with you…

You are worthy of being your own best friend. {T.D. Jakes}

What you seek is seeking you. {Rumi}

These quotes are so true. Nothing shifts until you shift. Nothing is answered until you ask. It doesn’t matter if you ask quietly or loudly. It only matters that you ask. The {All That Is} is asking that we dig a little deeper, open our heart, and step out on faith. Once we do that, the answers will then present themselves to us.

Even as I script this post I don’t know all that I am going to say. I have some kind of idea, yes. I even write down bits of insight, but I don’t know all that I am going to say until I actually move through each section. It unfolds to me in the way it needs to be said so that the message can get across best to those who can hear it the fullest.

The One Thing I Never Doubt

If there is one thing that I never lose faith about, it is the fact that there is something bigger than me. There is a source that knows my every nook and cranny. My personal flaws, my emotional turmoil, and the times when my heart lights up with joy. I hope one day I can know it as intimately, attentively, and personally as it knows me.

Sometimes I don’t know how to make life work for me and I must admit that I get pretty stubborn and cry-babyish when things aren’t going my way. I think that when I breathe and settle down however, grace steps in and answers the call. Sometimes I feel like a failure because I don’t fit into specific molds, but I think that very same omniscient presence is whispering, “You aren’t supposed to fit anyone else’s mold. You, yourself, are your own being.”

Sticking It Out

There is no shortage of inspiration. If one idea or one way doesn’t work there’s another idea, and another, and another. Most artists don’t start out doing their very “own” thing. They are always being compared to others or called a wannabe *insert the author’s name here* or a wannabe *insert the musician’s name here*. It’s only in letting go of what we think we should be that allows grace to step in and transform us into the person that it knows we are. So don’t ruin your spirit and artistry by comparing yourself to others and if others say you are a wannabe, turn and walk away. Everyone gradually evolves into the people they are meant to be. Keep your faith, find your value, and share that with the world.

New Inspiration

A new idea sprung from listening to those videos, my love of beautiful things, books, writing, and vintage things. I am going to build a home – online of course – where I can really show my love for writing. It’s going to be a home where I can show quotes, pieces of my writing, and beautiful photos that inspire and uplift. I am not sure how this will unfold but I know that it is going to be beautiful. Here is a collage that shows the essence of the new site.

Collage

It’s going to be a place where I can fall in love with language, writing, and the make-up of story telling. It inspires me just to think about the beauty of it. I hope you come by and visit once it’s up and running.

In Closing

It’s a cold night out. That put on some thick socks, curl up with a warm blanket, and hot cup of tea before bed kind of night. As I drift to sleep tonight thinking about the new beautiful space I am going to create, I will keep you {the reader} in mind. Let me know what you would like to see on the site. If you have suggestions, comments, or ideas leave a message below.

Thanks for reading, sharing, commenting, and following my blog!

finished-heart Nay