Artist Confession – I’m Afraid I Won’t Do It Justice

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I’m afraid I won’t do it justice.

What am I referring to?

My creative core.

How do I take something so big, so beautiful, so powerful, so rich, and do it justice? I am afraid I won’t capture it sometimes.

I can feel the heartbeat of my creative core, and it brings me to tears just to sit in its presence sometimes. So how do I take all of those roots, those ancestors that came before me, that brilliance, and express that. Pen and paper can’t capture it all.

I sometimes feel inadequate to it – I must admit.

But, I am learning that it has chosen me to express in any level or capacity that I can, and when I am more comfortable allowing the largeness of that energy to flow more freely, it will be right there with me.

So to all the artists out there, just flow, just be, just create, and little by little open up to the vastness that is your creative being.

It’s not rushing you.

It’s not pressuring you.

It just wants to be with you.

It wants to mingle, to mix, to create with you in any way that it can, and it’s more than willing to wait until you believe in yourself and your ability enough to really own what you have.

Thanks for reading!

If you like this post don’t forget to hit like, share, comment, and subscribe.

Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist 

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A Terrible Experience With A Psychic & How It Helped Me Refine My Character As An Intuitive Guide

Shine Your Light

A few years back, I visited with a psychic.

I don’t know what made me go in there. Maybe it was the neon purple sign in the window, or the catchy price, or it could have been the fact that I was going through a very difficult time and just needed some reassurance.

Nevertheless, I ended up in the chair sitting across from a young woman who was very inviting at first. After a few minutes of sitting with her however, I should have known that she did not have my best interest at heart.

Warning Sign # 1 – When she sat down and started my reading, she had the phone in the middle of the table and she answered it in the middle of our session – not once, but twice.

What a huge red flag! 

Not only did I insult myself by staying, I didn’t notice right then and right there that everything in me was telling me that it wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience.

Towards the end of the reading, she told me that there was something that she saw that was a danger to me, but she couldn’t tell me because it would require more time and more money.

The second huge red flag!

Now I know from experience that working with energy and being an intuitive guide is alot of work, and you want to make sure that you set boundaries, and that you get paid well for what you do – I understand, but if you saw information that could harm someone’s life – why would you not lead with that information? Why would it take you until the end of the session and $100 more to tell someone what you see?

I declined the extra time with her because I was beyond uncomfortable. My body was tense, my spirit was broken, and I just didn’t want to be in the building anymore. She made me feel like shit.

As I started to pack up and leave, and informed her that I would not be sitting with her again, she told me that if I didn’t, my life would get worse, and that thing (curse, negativity, ill will) that she saw for me would stick around, and wouldn’t get any better. She made me feel like my life was doomed, and that she was the only vessel from which my well-being and healing could flow.

I walked out of that place feeling devastated.

I cannot believe that I gave that much power over to that woman, and actually believed what she was telling me. I was that desperate at the time, that it kind of tore my world apart. Because of course – she had the gift, and those who have the “gift” in my mind – always do right by it. Right? WRONG! How silly was it for me to believe that everyone blessed with foresight, strong intuition, and healing abilities would use them for only good?

Once I discovered my gifts of intuition, being able to translate the energy of my spirit guides, connecting to people through my writing, and healing – I was fully aware of what to do with my gifts and what NOT to do with my gifts.

I have seen and experienced first hand what it’s like to have someone have a gift and misuse it, and I would never do that to anyone else.

I guess in a way, the experience helped refine my character. It showed me that I have the power to guide others to well-being or to discourage them. I have the power to uplift another’s spirit or add to their frustration and diminish their light.

For those of you out there that need help, I want you to know that there are honest people that have love, generosity, and care inside that will try their best to see you through a situation, but there are also people out there that will see your vulnerability and milk it for everything it’s worth.

It’s important to honor yourselfeven if you are seeking help or going through a rough period. Don’t stay in any situation that you feel in your gut is not right. 

If you are visiting with a counselor, a healer, an intuitive guide or whatever it may be – they should be respectful of your time and presence, and if they are not – walk away. You should never be made to feel pressured, uncomfortable, or like you have to give something that you are uncomfortable giving.

There are plenty of guides, healers, and spiritual practitioners around that can help you heal and move in the direction of your true nature, but if something doesn’t feel right to you – pay attention.

All messages offered should be uplifting, and never demeaning. Those guides who have your best interest at heart are skilled at dealing with people, and know how to speak to you clearly and respectfully.

I share this story with you so that you can get a sense of some of the experiences that refined my character as an intuitive guide and so that you can always remember that the highest guidance you can get – always comes from inside.

There are going to be times when you need help, and there are plenty of well meaning people out there that are put in your path for a reason, but if something doesn’t feel right to you – pay attention.

There are other options for healing and guidance, and you don’t ever have to be made to feel that there is only one way to your answers, to God, and to the help that you need.

Don’t let anyone make you feel that way – ever.

Part of growing spiritually means learning to listen to yourself,  learning to trust your instincts, and learning that you know more than you think you do.

That experience showed me what to do with my gifts and what definitely NOT to do with my gifts. I would never want anyone leaving my presence feeling like I took something from them, discouraged them, or made them feel like their only path to freedom and joy was through me.

There are many ways to get the answers you seek. Open your heart, listen to your guidance, and trust yourself. There are many healers and helpers out there. Go with the ones that you feel a connection to, and if you don’t resonate with them or feel good about an experience with them – walk away and don’t ever look back.

Thanks for reading!

Renee Brooks

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist

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Freedom Friday: Becoming Who I Am

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Shedding All That Is Not Real

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A year and four months ago I decided to do something that was down right crazy. I decided to shave off all of my hair.

Now that might not mean anything to you, but for me – it meant everything.

Inside, I always had a burning desire to do it, but there were so many reasons why I felt that I couldn’t. This experience was very personal to me, so I am going to be open and honest about the reasons why I felt I couldn’t do it.

The first thing is that most “women” define themselves by how womanly they look. Long hair, their shapely bodies, glowing skin – you know – all of the things that make women feel attractive and beautiful. I was going through an internal conflict. How could I feel like a woman without one of the major traits that makes a woman feel beautiful?

I felt like without my hair – I would be less womanly and unattractive.

I am also an African American woman, and growing our hair (for some of us) is as rough as finding our way through life. So when I actually grew a nice head of hair, the thought of chopping it off sometimes was like getting rid of something that I had put alot of hard work into. It was very difficult through the years to grow my hair because it had been damaged by perms, heat, neglect, and stress.

But something within me kept calling me to expose that part of myself- the part of me that had no hair. I had no idea why the call got louder and louder – it just did.

Finally, one day I woke up and my hair had started forming dreadlocks. I was neglecting my hair and it was showing me the results of that neglect. By the way, I hate dreadlocks on females. Just my opinion – don’t kill me.  I decided that I didn’t want to deal with it anymore. So I took the scissors and made the first cut. Just like that, cut right into it. There was no regret, no tears, and no kicking and screaming on the floor. Just snipped it right off. The next morning I went to the barber shop and got it cut properly.

When I went home and looked in the mirror I was shocked. I could not believe what I saw. There I stood almost bare bald, and I still looked beautiful. As a matter of fact, I felt more beautiful than when I had hair. The experience was totally liberating. Not only didn’t I have to deal with my hair anymore, I could actually see my face.

I think our souls call us to the edge sometimes. They call us to shed the things that are not true about ourselves. The thoughts that I wouldn’t be beautiful, womanly, or attractive without my hair were not only false they were also things that blocked me from seeing my true beauty. Once you recognize the truth and get rid of the lies you have been telling yourself, your real beauty can show. The truth was – I was not my hair, and I was holding onto false impression of who I would be without it. Real beauty called me, and it was a call that I couldn’t “not” answer.

For this “Freedom Friday” post. I am going to list all of the things that I feed myself that are negative. We speak to ourselves so negatively sometimes. We tell ourselves lies. Those lies corrupt the person who we came here to be. In order to grow into yourself, you have to let go of the ideas that are not true about yourself. Your real self is here to express. How can your real self express itself through you, if you are holding ideas about yourself that are not true?

So here goes. Here’s my list of lies that I’ve told myself throughout the years. Here is where I can express it, and then cut the cord from these things for good.

It helps to go through the process. Just like cutting my hair helped me see the truth.

So here are the lies.

I am not good enough, I’ll never amount to anything, I’m not smart enough, my parents never taught me that, I’m not good with money, I don’t deserve another chance, I messed up beyond repair, I am inadequate, I don’t have the knowledge, I can’t do that, I’m ugly, I’m not attractive, I’m nothing, I’m worthless, I don’t deserve God’s love.

I’ve messed up so much in life, I made a big mistake quitting my job, I’m stupid, I don’t deserve to receive blessings, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe I’m not worthy, black women have such a hard time making it, I don’t have any examples to follow, I have no support, no one is helping me, I can’t do this alone, I can’t find my way, I don’t deserve the good life, royalty and riches are only for a certain kind, I am being punished for my past mistakes, I can’t make it without my grandparents, I’ll never get my house, I’ll never make it.

I’m cursed, I’m doomed, there’s a black cloud over my head, something is influencing my life, something is trapping me, someone else has power over me, I can never be my own boss, I am not attractive enough, I am not beautiful enough, my teeth are not straight enough, I don’t have it,  I don’t have what it takes, I’m not fit to be a mother, I don’t know what I’m doing… and the list goes on and on, but it feels so good to free up some space!

The cord is cut…

Without a regret at all…

I leave this stuff behind…

There is better for me, once I see that all the stuff I have been feeding myself is a lie.

Thanks for reading!

Are you ready to shed the lies you have been telling yourself? If so, don’t forget to click the “leave a comment” button at the top of the post, and share your story. If you prefer to share the post on your own blog please be sure to add the words Freedom Friday to your post & link back to this post.

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Freedom Friday: Am I Alive?

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Feeling Seen & Being Heard

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A macbook pro is on my lap, tons of papers scattered about, son to my right – laying damn there underneath my thigh. I hear the twist of the doorknob; it’s my husband. He smiles at me, kicks his shoes off, and drops his book bag where he stands. He doesn’t even realize that I just cleaned the house, and probably doesn’t care.

He forces his legs between the table and the couch so that he can make space to dive into my face with a kiss. I start a conversation about a great article that I read early that day. One that inspires me even. He knows that I have been down, and am fighting my way back to some kind of stability.

He reaches down to pick up the chubby-cheeked miracle that is laying next to me. I look up in his direction trying to make eye contact. He is swirling around with his bundle of joy in his arms. Of course, it’s the right thing to do, but the connection is lost between him and I, but vibrant and alive between he and our child.

My shoulders sink and I can feel my heart break. “Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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I’m in my home office with my face in my hands for the 100th time. Tears are pouring out from my eyes in buckets. I am blabbering words that no sane human-being could understand, but praying that God can somehow make out what I am saying.

“I didn’t mean to quit my job. I am so sorry. I wanted something better. I couldn’t be there anymore. It was draining me. Please God forgive me. Please give me my financial freedom back. Please get me out of this mountain of debt. I am trying everything I can to make it. I don’t want to be like the rest of my family. Broke. Poor. Begging for spare change. Barely able to get myself the basic needs.”

I am able to catch a breath for a half a second and then I continue.

“Please God, I don’t want to depend on my husband anymore. I want my own money. I’m glad he’s here, but I need to feel independent. I’ve poured my heart and soul into my books and tons of people are reading them, but no one is buying them. I tried everything that I had the strength to try. Please God. Please. Am I alive? Am I here? Am I heard?” I question as I wipe the snot from my nose with my sleeve.

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I’m flipping through the pages of a catalogue and my eyes come across a beautiful set of candles. I smile. Why? Because I love candles. They lift my spirits.

I run my hand over the glossy page of the catalogue as if my gentle caress will somehow generate a wormhole for the candles to appear. I’m ignited for a second when I notice what catalogue I’m reading. “Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It’s not that far away; maybe 15 minutes at most. I can make it there,” I think to myself with optimism.

My eyes drift to the right. There’s a stack of mail sitting there. There’s a letter addressed to me with big bold letters that reads CREDIT SOLUTIONS INC. I know that it’s another bill, from the same people who wrote me last week, demanding all the money I owe them.

The letter lovingly (sarcasm) reminds me of the fact that I don’t have the money in my account to purchase the candles anyway. I close the Bed, Bath, and Beyond booklet disgusted with myself and the world in general. “Can I just admire something without feeling guilty. I just want some damn candles. It’s not too much to ask. Am I Alive? Do My Desires Matter? Am I heard?” I think to myself.

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It’s a week or two after my birthday. My sister shows up to my house with one of my favorite people (my niece). We all sit down in the living room and chat for a few. After a while she says, “I have a birthday gift for you.”

I’m shocked, because I really didn’t expect to receive anything from her. I sit back with anticipation as she reaches in her black oversized pocketbook and pulls out a $25 Children’s Place gift card.

“It’s not about you anymore,” she says with a laugh. “It’s all about the baby when you have kids,” she finishes. My shoulders slump and my heart breaks. “I didn’t know that having children meant I wouldn’t exist anymore. Does she see me? Does she care? Am I alive?” I think to myself. 

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Freedom Friday’s are all about releasing the things that hurt us the most. It’s about freeing up space to allow the new things to enter your life. It’s about being completely honest about the things that are hurting you to the core, making you doubt yourself, and causing you to lose hope. On Freedom Friday’s we have the space to let it out. To say it. To release it, and remove it from our bodies and minds.

Here today, I confess that I have been having a rough few years. Despite it all, I still put on my hat and go to work. I don’t mean a physical work place. I mean doing what I can to improve myself, continuing to write, continuing to try to see the good in things, and continuing to put myself out there no matter what. Something in me will not let my dreams die. The voice inside is much different than my own critical voice. It’s compassionate, patient, accepting, and comes up with ways to try and help me move past this rough patch. Writing is one of the ways that I am able to let it out.

I don’t know what the details of my future are, but I do know how I want to feel.

If I just have that little piece, I have a step.

Going forward I would like to feel,

Abundant, Appreciated, Considered, Important, Blessed, Forgiven, Seen, Supported, Inspired, Comforted, Helped, Acknowledged, Aligned, Fruitful, Relieved, Financially Stable, & Gifted.

I let out a long deep breath and allow my heart to send a message out to All That Is.

I can’t do this alone.

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Freedom Friday: The Year I Ruined Christmas

Set Yourself FreeMy Freedom Friday Post Is About Christmas Time

I don’t know why this incident has been on my mind lately, but nevertheless, I feel the need to acknowledge my feelings towards it, make amends with it, and let it go. That is what Freedom Friday posts are all about. This story happened when I was about 15 or 16 years old and it’s when my grandparents were living.

It was Christmas time and I remember telling my grandparents that all I wanted for Christmas was a cordless phone. I was a teenager and of course I wanted to be cool and fit in – which I am sure many of you can relate to.

Anyway, I remember attempting to go to bed about 11 pm on Christmas Eve and before I went to bed I went to check underneath the Christmas tree to see how many gifts I had received and what sizes they were.

When I went to check under the tree there was 1 gift. It was a small box and to me, it did not look like the cordless phone that I had spent two months prior telling my grandparents that I wanted. All I can say is – I Was Not Happy.

So I tried to go to bed but this irritating feeling was inside of me. My mind chatter was constant and I wasn’t able to go to sleep right away. I was thinking to myself, “this is crazy, they knew what I wanted, why didn’t they get me what I asked for, why would they get me a stupid gift instead of what I really wanted” – and on and on the negative chatter went.

I found myself getting up several times during the middle of the night to look at the box again. I even shook the box to see if I heard anything in it. The contents in the box didn’t make a sound – which made me even more frustrated.

I went back into my bedroom and then a little devil appeared on my shoulder and told me to go and open the gift. Now everything in my body told me not to do it. I stopped myself several times from walking into the living room by turning myself around and going back into my bedroom. I mean I almost literally was being pulled in the opposite direction. My conscious SCREAMED to me – donnnnnn’t do it!

Before I knew it I was in the living room, right next to the tree, tearing off mini pieces of the wrapping paper to try and get a sneak peak at what was inside the box. Once 10% of the paper was torn off, I figured I might as well just rip the bandaid (the other 90% of the wrapping paper) off.

I opened the present and would you believe that it was my cordless phone. The very gift that I said that I wanted. I smiled so hard that my face hurt. Once I got through the initial excitement I was then possessed to plug up the phone to charge it. Because you know that I had to be able to use it immediately.

So the gift’s open, the cordless phone is stretched across the living room floor, and my grandparents are waking up to see what the noise is in the living room.

My grandfather was the first one out of the room, and when he saw that I opened my gift he was so furious. He was devastated. He went on to say some things like, “he wanted to see me open it, and why would I do that, and why couldn’t I wait” or something of that nature.

My heart sank.

I was just an excited, eager, impatient kid, and I ruined Christmas for my grandparents. I still carry that with me to this day. I think about it all the time; especially when it gets close to Christmas time. I don’t know why I carry something so small and childish around, but I do. I guess it’s the look on his face that said – you disappoint me and ruined this Christmas, that makes it hurt the most. 

There was no way for me to take it back. I wish I hadn’t opened the gift. That day was one of my biggest regrets. I had what I wanted, but I had broken my grandfather’s heart. 

I want to say here and now that I am sorry grandpa for being so impatient, and for not waiting. I am sorry that you didn’t get to see the joy on my face when I opened my present. I want to thank You and Granny for getting me what I asked for even though you guys didn’t have a lot to give. I want to thank you for thinking of me and for considering what I really wanted. It meant the world to me. It really did. I only hope that I can put a smile on my child’s face as wide as the one that you gave to me that year.

I am ready to let that go with a heartfelt apology and an even more heartfelt thank you.

I love you!

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