Artist Confession – I’m Afraid I Won’t Do It Justice

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I’m afraid I won’t do it justice.

What am I referring to?

My creative core.

How do I take something so big, so beautiful, so powerful, so rich, and do it justice? I am afraid I won’t capture it sometimes.

I can feel the heartbeat of my creative core, and it brings me to tears just to sit in its presence sometimes. So how do I take all of those roots, those ancestors that came before me, that brilliance, and express that. Pen and paper can’t capture it all.

I sometimes feel inadequate to it – I must admit.

But, I am learning that it has chosen me to express in any level or capacity that I can, and when I am more comfortable allowing the largeness of that energy to flow more freely, it will be right there with me.

So to all the artists out there, just flow, just be, just create, and little by little open up to the vastness that is your creative being.

It’s not rushing you.

It’s not pressuring you.

It just wants to be with you.

It wants to mingle, to mix, to create with you in any way that it can, and it’s more than willing to wait until you believe in yourself and your ability enough to really own what you have.

Thanks for reading!

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Renee B.

Intuitive Guide & Inner Work Specialist 

Photo Credit

Truth Be Told Tuesday Response

Truth Be Told Tuesday Response

The response below is a response to my recent post for Truth Be Told Tuesday.

The writer who calls himself Emotional Emotionless asked that I not reveal his real name or his profile. Out of respect, I have done exactly what he has asked. Thank you so much Emotional Emotionless for sharing your thoughts with us, on this platform, in this way!

Here is his response to the Truth Be Told Tuesday post written on 12/9/14.

With permission from the author of this response, the post has been edited for clarity.

I’m afraid that I won’t exist in the world. In my heart I feel I can do so much good, show so much love, and teach so many my helpful ways. I was always a kind-hearted loving soul, waiting to burst out on canvas. I’m afraid that my heart will only be a memory in a few people. They are all good people, but I want the world to feel what I feel, and be able to develop a love from it.

I’m afraid that one day I will die. You know – plan to wake up and I won’t one day. I’m afraid that I will die and miss something spectacular in the world.

I’m afraid I’m going to come across as stupid. Alot of the time I know what I want to say, but my mind has either a brain fart or thinks really quickly, and I will end up at the end of a sentence before even getting the middle part out when speaking or writing. I feel I am really smart and I try to slow down, but I just can’t. It’s like my brain thinks some words or phrases are irrelevant.

I’m afraid that one day I am going to get so mad at the work that I’m going to forget about my dreams and desires. I imagine me getting an iron man suit and going around to correct all the wrongs in the world. People would hear these thoughts in my head and think I am crazy for even thinking of these things or seeing them in my head. They won’t see what I’m trying to do. They would think I’m too old to think like that, but I would get upset and tell them to look at the way they’re thinking and what they’re doing in the world. It’s not FUCKING WORKING!!! We need a new way of thinking – perhaps even like kids.

I’m afraid that I won’t get my desires. That being good and nice won’t get me what I want. It will only get me cheated. Sometimes I even feel like – yes it will come – but it never does. I’m afraid that God would see me (his son), and think that I have asked for too much. He will then not allow me to get the things that I desire and that I know I need. I’m afraid that the thoughts of me thinking like a kid and getting whatever I want will run out. I’m afraid that day has finally come – with no way out, no help, and no guidance.

Written By: Emotional Emotionless

Truth Be Told Tuesday

Truth Be Told Tuesday

I have to come clean.

I’m afraid to be naked.

And by naked I mean, totally myself without a mask.

Can you imagine nothing to cling to?

No fancy job status, no bling, no degree, and no one high-fiving me for a promotion like people receive at work.

No make-up to hide behind, no false lashes, no big bank to show how financially secure I am.

I’m afraid to say that I am open to all philosophies, and that I am also open to see where life takes me. Have you seen how they treat people who don’t believe in the “guy sitting in the sky” judging everyone’s actions? 

Let me be clear – I do believe in God. I just don’t believe that it’s a man sitting in the sky judging every thing that I do.

They call people like me “woo-woo” and “new age”. They seem to think the worse about people who welcome other philosophies when in reality, I’m just embracing other ways to understand the world that I live in.

I’m afraid to say that I’m a homebody. Have you seen the way that they treat people that aren’t “turning up” and going to the club every other day?

I’m afraid to say that I cry almost everyday – because people seem to equate tears with weakness.

I’m afraid to say that I do not have it all figured out. Because somehow, not having it all figured out means that you are irresponsible, lazy, and unmotivated.

I’m afraid to say that I don’t really like people. Let me be clear – I don’t like the baggage that people bring along with them. You know, their judgements, nasty looks, and unedited opinions. Their pointing and snickering when you make a mistake or when your life is not perfect. Those are the things that I don’t like about people. I would rather spend a day at home with my pet than with a bunch of phony people – any day.

I’m afraid to say that I feel worthless without my job. Have you seen the way that they treat people who are unemployed? As if I am sitting at home, eating snacks, watching soap operas all day, and milking the welfare system. I must say… I am not any of that.

It’s funny how some people (myself included) can’t see the value in just raising a child. Raising a child is work enough. Some people don’t realize that tending to the house, making sure there’s hot food on the table, and making sure everyone has clean clothes is a job of nurturing that no one ever gets paid for. But it is a job that is certainly relevant to the well-being of a family unit.

I’m afraid to say that I don’t have a college degree. Have you seen the way employers look at people who haven’t spent a significant amount of time in college? Never mind that you’re a natural at the job and a quick learner. Never mind that your skills of dedication and respect can never be taught. Nope, none of that matters.

I’m afraid to say that I’m compassionate and that I cry when I see anyone hurting. Because to admit such a thing, would mean that I’m too sensitive and that I need to toughen up. 

I am afraid to be naked. Which really means, I am afraid to be fully myself – that raw, natural, caring, barefoot kind girl that doesn’t give a damn about fancy clothes or things that don’t speak to my heart.

I’m afraid to say that I don’t have any of the things that make me useful, worthy, or relevant in society’s eyes.

I’m afraid to disclose who I really am, but even though I’m afraid… I just told you anyway. It is Truth Be Told Tuesday isn’t it?

Thanks for reading!

Do you have anything that you would like to confess for Truth Be Told Tuesday? If so, go to the top of the post and click “leave a comment” to share your story. If you prefer to post your response on your own blog, just add the words “Truth Be Told Tuesday” somewhere in your post and link back to this article.

I look forward to hearing your response.

finished-heart Nay