Are You A Life Hypochondriac?

Hypochondriac

Most of you know what a hypochondriac is.

For those of you that don’t – it’s a person that is abnormally concerned about their health.

A life hypochondriac (a made-up term of course), is someone who is constantly worried about the state of their being, their life, and the world that they live in. They live in a state of fear and paranoia about every little thing, and it makes it very difficult for them to accept new ideas that may help them progress in the direction of their true potential.

If you could read their mind, you would hear thoughts like,

“Is this okay, did I do that right, do I look fat, am I enough, did I do that well, is something going to go wrong, and are things going to work out for me?”

I must admit that I too, have been a life hypochondriac. I have questioned my very existence here. Do I belong, am I okay, if I say that – will I step on anyone’s toes?

That is a miserable state of being to live in.

Your breathing is a clear sign that you are meant to be here.

I am not sure why you question if you are going to make it out of a situation alive – because you always do.

I am not sure why you question your decisions – because somehow, someway you always wind up at the right place.

I am not sure why you doubt yourself because even if you mess up – every moment is brand new, and life always throws you another opportunity to get it right.

I know how unsettling it is to move into new territory. I know how nerve-racking it is to explore different parts of the self, and how terrifying it is to try and change your beliefs. It kind of reminds me of being a new parent. When your child is first born, everything is a reason to call the doctor. Everything seems wrong.

Is my child breathing okay, is he crying too much, how many times does he have to pee or poop, is this tiny little bump on his or her nose a cause for concern?

I get it.

You want to question everything. You want to make sure things are right. You are a concerned parent, and you want to make sure you are paying attention and making the right decision for your child at all times.

The same goes for life. You want to make sure you are making the right moves and that you are headed in the right direction.

The thing is… life is always going according to plan.

You can go with the flow or you can make things hard for yourself. You can worry or you can ease up a little bit. You can stress over things or you can trust that things will work out for you no matter what the process is or how long it takes to get to your desired destination.

You see, that’s why I like doctors. They are there to ease your worries. They have more information about the topics that run rampant in your mind. They know more. So when you call up the doctor frantic about your child having a minor fall, they can calm your heart and tell you to ease up a little bit. Why do you trust them? Because you believe that they know more than you do and that they know what they are talking about.

It’s the same way with your life force, God, and your inner being. It is asking you to ease up a little bit and trust more because it knows more about the subject matter of life and your trajectory – than you think it does.

Messages are always being sent to you.

Another path is always lighting up for you.

You are always being guided in the right direction; whether you believe it or not.

Now don’t get me wrong, you can doubt yourself, take a detour, and get lost, but eventually you will find your way.

I know how it feels to feel disconnected and to not trust life, and believe it or not, alot of that stuff stems from the past. Perhaps a parent didn’t show as much care and attention as you had hoped for, or maybe someone didn’t encourage your potential, or maybe someone rejected you in the past – I get it. So now when you think of going through life, you question everything, you worry, and wonder, and fret.

The key is to ease up and trust life a little more.

Your life force is backing your entire existence. It doesn’t want you to fail. It is putting its time and attention into your existence because it knows who you are, what you are, and what you have the potential to be in this world.

I know it’s hard and I know you have been told this before in other ways, but this message is coming back around to you again in a more loving way. Life wants to express itself through you. You were born as a channel for this energy. The only way that life can express itself through you (easily), is if you give it the room to.

So trust that you are here because you are meant to be here. If you need help believing again or trusting in the process – this may help.

Trust that life has chosen you (your personality, your skill sets, your talents and gifts) to express itself in a way that has never been expressed before.

You are no accident. Your presence is not an accident. Your existence is not an accident.

Ease up and let life show you how good it can be.

I know it seems easier said than done, but a little practice goes a long way.

Just Imagine

How great would it be to get some space between you and your problems, to find hope in a brighter future, and to learn to trust yourself again? I can work with you to help you in these areas and here’s how.

 Thanks for reading!

heart Nay

Photo Source Credit

Fatherless, Heartbroken, Repaired

Little Girl

A Short Story:

Olivia ran downstairs from her fortress that she built using a few books and two blankets stretched from bed to dresser. She hopped down the stairs and stood next to the front door. It was the week before Christmas and she had waited patiently all day for her father to arrive home.

Before then, she was upstairs inside of her fortress praying to God. You would think that her prays were offered so that she would get a new doll, or the pink bike that she wanted, or a dream come true – a new power wheeled sports car. But her prayers didn’t reflect any of those material things. She had prayed for something that every little girl should have.

She couldn’t wait to see if her prays had worked. As she stood by the big solid wooden door, her mother cautioned her to move back. Her father was large and he usually swung the door open with force, not paying any attention to who may have been standing in the path of it.

She waited eagerly, and when her father opened the door she jumped into his arms. He picked her up and swung her around. She was ecstatic. Her cheeks could hardly hold the joy that she felt inside. When he released her, he headed towards the kitchen. She ran in front of him enthusiastically showing him all of the things that she had received from school that day.

A picture of her class, two lollipops (one for him and one for her), and her reward for being on her best behavior.

“Mrs. Smith, gave me a gold star today daddy. I was so good in class, see,” she said reaching her small hand up to him to show him the gold star that was there.

“That’s nice sweetie,” he replied.

As his heavy footsteps made there way towards the kitchen, Olivia froze holding her breath. She was hoping that he was just going into the kitchen to give her mother a hug or a kiss perhaps, but he headed for the fridge.

Olivia stood there looking up to the ceiling which supposedly held the eyes of God. When he pulled out the bottle her hopes deflated. Her 7 year old mind could not fathom why her father would come home and see her beautiful smiling face and walk to the refrigerator to get a beer. Wasn’t she enough?

Friday night her dad was stumbling barely able to speak.

Saturday her dad was hung over, in a pissy mood, and didn’t want any company.

Sunday… sweet ole sunday… her daddy would dress his best and make his way to church. He sang so beautifully with his baritone voice. He even reached down from time to time to hold her hand. That gave Olivia hope. She knew that God was real, because on Sunday her dad was somewhat present.

Fast forward ten years and Olivia is in a relationship with a boy who is very disrespectful. He doesn’t beat her, no. He sees her on a regular basis, yes, and even tells her from time to time that he loves her. He even calls her pretty. She looks into his eyes holding on to his comments for dear life. She was never told that before. Not in the way that her boyfriend said it to her. He gives her what she wants to hear so that he can fulfill his bet with his friends.

“I bet you she’ll sleep with me. She has daddy issues, and she thinks I’m her knight and shining armor,” he says heckling with his friends.

Her dad hears about this boyfriend that she has and he is furious.

“How could you let someone disrespect you? Treat you like garbage? Can’t you see that boy means you no good? He’s using you Olivia. Don’t you know how to respect yourself Olivia?”

Olivia looks at her father with tears forming in her eyes. Her heart crushes inside of her chest. Her dad was not only supposed to protect her from men like that BEFORE they got to her most sacred place, he was also supposed to mend her heart, not call her stupid for making a mistake.

“Dad,” she says barely able to say his name. “Who taught me that I deserved better?”

Olivia walks out and sees her father every now and again from that point forward. She makes it into college because a counselor wouldn’t let her give up. While in college she meets a professor. A middle aged man that resembles her father in height and in build, but man is he so much nicer and more loving. From working with kids all his life he sees that there’s a change in Olivia. Her grades are falling, her optimism for life is waining, and the sparkle that was once in her eyes is no longer there.

He asks questions, he dives deep, he refuses to take her wish-washy answers at face value. One day she opens up to him revealing that her father passed away.

“You miss him don’t you?” the professor asked, starring into her saddened brown eyes.

“I hated him,” she replied. “Why would God give me a father that couldn’t show me that he loved me. He drank everyday. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me other than a hug or holding my hand from time to time. He never even cared about me.”

Olivia is heartbroken, she feels as if her tears are going to consume her. She has always had faith that God would bring her father back to life from his alcoholism. There wasn’t a moment that went by in her childhood that she didn’t believe that God could resurrect her father. But there she sat, empty. With a hole in her heart that couldn’t be filled. She looked to the professor for answers. Some kind of answers to her horrible truth. She felt unwanted, unloved, and empty with no possible way, from her point of view, to ever be fulfilled again.

The professor took her under his wing. He coached her, he stayed on her, he didn’t give up on her. He was there in her darkest of days. You see, Olivia didn’t know that before she met the professor he was looking for a daughter because he had lost one of his own children. A daughter that would have been the same age as Olivia. It pained his heart everyday, but he kept going. He kept encouraging other people. His life, his students, and his future meant everything to him.

So when Olivia came along with a saddened heart that seemingly couldn’t be repaired he heard God whisper, “I’ve answered your prayers.”

The professor could see the blessing from the beginning, but she couldn’t. But he never gave up on her.

Olivia graduated, she got married, she had children, she became a motivational speaker. All because of one man.

Her professor even walked her down the aisle. She didn’t realize until that very day that God had answered her prayers too. As she walked towards her husband, arm and arm with the professor, an overwhelming sensation came over her. Her father was there. Not in the form or the way that she had envisioned, but he was there. The professor had filled his place. God had answered the call. Not in the way that she expected, but in the way that she needed when her real father couldn’t give her the beauty that she was asking for.

Sign

I know, from personal experience, what it feels like to need a father figure. There comes a point in life when you have to realize that just maybe it’s not going to work out in the way that you held onto for so long. But God, always answers the call. In one form or another. Suddenly, somethings all become so clear.

Let go of your burdens, bitterness, and anger from the past. Let the love that is available for you find you.

I know it’s not an easy thing to do, but it is necessary to move on and fulfill the life that you are meant to live.

I will leave you with a quote.

When you finally let go of the past something better comes along.

Writing is the way I choose to let go. Find your outlet, feel your pain, and release it. You have more to gain.

finished-heart Renee