Posting A Little Early
Well, the day is not quite over, but I am doing my post a little early. Someone told me in the sweetest way today that I am on the computer too much. LOL. With that said… here I am – for a little while – then I must go.
I want to share some things with you today. I thought about this question yesterday… What is your real worth? Is it your beauty? Your profession? Your spirituality? What really makes you worth something in this world? Is it what we believe or hope for? Is it the dreams inside of us that we somehow bring to reality? I think if everyone could find what their true worth is (the reason they were specifically created) this world would be much happier. I open this question up to the readers. What is your real worth? Why do you believe you were created?
Do you believe that you were created to just be? If so, why are so many running around trying to fit into groups and different areas of life. Is there something wrong with just being? Why are people so afraid to be without? Why do people (including myself), hang on to labels, professions, and what other people think?
I open these questions up to the universe, and as soon as I find anything even remotely close to an answer, I will share it with you. I think that if we had those answers, we would be happier and more content. I just look at the world sometimes and feel like underneath all of those rosy smiles, pretty pictures, and Instagram shots we are suffering. There is a part of us that is crying out for something authentic and pure that we can’t seem to find. There are answers to our mysteries. If there weren’t any answers to those questions, I wouldn’t be able to pose the questions.
The Journey I’m On
Perhaps this is the journey that I am embarking on. This seems to be the period where life is stripping me naked. I am reluctantly throwing away all of my preconceived notions and getting my ass tossed around by the universe just to stand vulnerable and without an ounce of belief left in any one particular thing. I feel like I am standing in the shivering cold with no one around that hears or helps me. I am in the darkest part of my soul screaming for the light. I think to myself sometimes, what if there is no light? What if you remain unknown? What if this is all there is? What if no one ever answers the call? Could you find a way to be 100% comfortable with just yourself as you are. Snot nosed, tears pouring down your face, naked, and vulnerable. Right now the answer is no. I need my clothes. I need to fit in. I need to belong. I need to feel wanted and attractive. I need the authority figures to see me as Precious (the nickname granted to me by my grandmother) and untainted. I need that in my life.
I am however searching for the moment of freedom when I don’t need any of that. It’s not right now. Right now comfort and security is all I know. Never mind that it is a twisted, manipulative, bonded kind of comfort. That doesn’t matter. The thought that I may be seen as unruly, unimportant, or irrelevant to this world at large in some kind of way is much more daunting than stepping outside of my comfort zone.
It’s Just Me Ranting A Bit
Call this a rant if you will, but it’s just my way of showing the world how my mind works. I have a billion unanswered questions. So many things pent up inside. The basis of some spiritual worship tells us not to ask questions, but I have always been inquisitive. I remember when I was younger. I ran around snooping, looking in peoples’ stuff, tattle telling. I was a bit of a problem for any parent that just wanted their child to be quiet. Oh trust me, I did what I was told, but it didn’t last long. Lol. I was always right back into the next thing. I had so many questions then, and that part of me still lives on. Only thing is, when I was younger, the questions didn’t seem to weigh so heavy on me.
I could just say, “eh” when I didn’t receive an answer and move on to my next mystery. It’s different now. I hate to see people suffering. I dislike with a passion to not be able to help those closest to me that need help. I cannot stand when those close to me come to me crying because they can barely make ends meet to pay their monthly bills. The world at large is screaming out for something that money cannot buy however… I just don’t know how to fill the holes that people have in their heart. I can start to ask questions though.
Music Defining Emotion
I listened to a powerful song today. I am sure a lot of you have heard Beyonce sing Listen. I know that there is a lot of controversy surrounding Beyonce and her family, but one thing I cannot deny is her musical talent. This song just sends shivers down my spine. I don’t even know what is so deep inside me that makes me want to shout this song out from the rooftop, but she sings the words that I can’t find. I feel a power deep inside that I cannot express outwardly sometimes. Here is the video just incase you want to listen.
The Shifting Universe
I believe that when we are too rigid the universe is not able to bend and move to our requests. It just kills the creativity of the universe when you have too much of an “idea” of exactly the way you want things to go in your mind. The purpose of this 30 day living from the heart is to just follow my instincts. Where ever they may lead me. I can desire and ask for things, but there has to be some flexibility in order for the universe to deliver. I believe there are answers. So my work during this process is to get in sync with the ease and flow of my well-being.
In Closing
Don’t be afraid to ask questions. There are answers out there. I also learned something else that is very important. Don’t wait until you are aggravated and annoyed with your day to try to get into a good mood. Do it early. Wake up and get yourself in a good mood. Right from the jump. You can start with meditation, a nice run, or even journaling. Do whatever you can to start your day on the right track.
Nay
Renee "Soul Writer" Brooks 