I Just Had A Huge Revelation
I am telling you – if you haven’t started working with your dreams – it’s time!
I never imagined that when I sat down to decode a fairly simple dream about a small ranch house, tucked away from the street, surrounded by trees, with an office inside, that I would uncover a deep hidden fear of mine.
I got the notion today to look at my dream as my inner landscape. Immediately I saw myself as the house – tucked away – in the back – secret – away from visitors and people. I went a little deeper into the dream landscape and noticed there was an office inside. There was a lady sitting at the desk – doing a job that she hated to do.
As I explored this dream imagery, I realized that lady was me. She was me sitting in a position that I hate. I can’t stand the corporate world, but I never quite understood why until I decoded my dream literally just a half an hour ago.
I Followed My Impulses To Dig Deeper
As I explored each dream symbol, I realized that the dream was directly pointing towards my feelings towards work. You know – being in the rat race, listening to a boss, following directions.
As I trusted my instincts and wrote candidly about what I felt about each symbol, a whirlwind of emotion started to rise from me.
I followed the emotions and I asked myself – what is this about? Why the tears? Why so much tension in the body? I listened to my inner voice, my heart, my soul, and it cried out with an answer.
A Little Background
For those of you who don’t know me, I up and quit my job almost 4 years ago. I didn’t feel like I left out of anger, I just left because I felt it was the right thing for me to do at the time. I no longer felt like I belonged there.
It wasn’t an easy thing to do – trust me…
Anyway to keep a long story short, anytime I even thought about returning to the corporate world, I shut down completely. I wouldn’t even entertain the thought of it. I wanted to instead, go with my heart and passion of writing and exploring other possibilities outside of the corporate realm. My efforts to produce a business and make a living writing – failed, and I couldn’t understand why. I was (in my mind), doing what I believed I was called to do.
But through doing my inner work I could tell that something was just not right. There is no way that I was just meant to work under someone else’s rules and be a key component to someone else’s dreams, but when it came to mine – I couldn’t express it? The whole idea just didn’t feel right to me.
By Blocking What I Hated – I Blocked Everything
I hadn’t realized that I was holding something deep inside that has hindered my entire flow of abundance.
When you shut down and lock up the most sacred parts of yourself – you shut it off to everything – even the blessings that are trying to come your way.
I was writing down all the stuff I felt about every symbol and when I got to explaining why I don’t like the corporate life, I started bawling. I could barely contain myself. I blurted out,
I Don’t Want To Be Evaluated Anymore!
Man, when I said that… the tears poured out even harder.
What A Huge “Aha” Moment
If you can understand the place that I came from, you can understand why that one sentence meant everything in that moment.
As a child I had to be perfect. I couldn’t bring home anything less than a B. I couldn’t so much as even spill a drink without being reprimanded. Every moment I was being watched, evaluated, compared to someone else.
Even in the jobs that I had taken there were mid-year reviews, end of the year reviews, progress reports, sales reports, and endless ways that they could track your every fault and failure. I can’t handle that kind of pressure and evaluation.
Especially since on paper, I may not look like anything to you. On paper, without any degrees and no real training I may seem like nothing. I may only seem like I am qualified to run your errands or get your coffee – to basically be what you tell me to be or do what you tell me to do. But, I am so much more than that.
What I Learned
Coming to that realization felt like magic. It felt like 5000 pounds of pressure lifted off of me.
You see, I thought that I was just being stubborn, and even sometimes talked down to myself for holding on so doggedly to this idea of “stepping out on my own”, but now that I know why (from a deeper perspective), I can start to adjust some of my thoughts inside to allow what I really prefer to start flowing.
I also learned that if I take a step back from all of those emotions I held in, I can see that every job may not be looking to just evaluate you based on how you look on paper.
There may be a space more suited for me. Some place where they can feel who I am energetically. They can see my heart and that I am dedicated. They can see my true gifts and talents.
Once I open to that possibility and stop shutting down anything that even resembles “work”, I will start to let other opportunities that fit me – flow.
I still want to do my own thing, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Holding a grudge in my heart however, is not the way to let those other opportunities that I am looking for in.
Man, I feel so much relief right now. I have always been interested in the self and self-discovery. To some people that may seem like a conceited path to pursue, but I am telling you, once you realize how you act, what you are, and how it creates your world (through experience), you can then go and share what you learned with others.
In addition to working with my dreams, I also went to my second home (the library) and got a few books on creativity.
I swear I think my heart and the angels are working with me to clear some major blocks. I am deeply appreciative. Without my “nosy” nature, I would have never dug this deep and would have never found what lied behind all of that frustration.
I am currently reading The Vein of Gold (A Journey To Your Creative Heart) by Julia Cameron and Setting Your Heart On Fire by Raphael Cushnir. Working with these two books and my dreams is leading me in the right direction.
I am so happy that I am able to share this insight with you all.